Pinky, Baby and Me

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"We never really talked about it openly, it was what was unspoken." Anita lost her three-year-old sister 'baby' in a tragic accident in the family home.

Transcript

"Pinky and I have never had any need for words as our bond is so strong and unique. I'm sure if life had dealt us a different hand we would have somehow engineered a relationship that was just as strong but based on another set of circumstances.

As children, we were in tune with each other and often finished off each other's sentences, we even had the same dreams.

We were not allowed to speak about what happened on that fateful day. But we had our conversations at night, under the duvet with only a small torch for light. We put the world to rights, speaking about what happened to Baby, and what she would have become.

For a long time I didn't allow myself to be happy. I can remember double checking myself every time I laughed and I would remember what happened to Baby. Night after night I would cry myself to sleep, too frightened to make a sound in case I disturbed anyone else, in case I encroached on their grief. I often remember waking up in Pinky's embrace and being gently rocked.

I'm not sure when things changed. I think it was when my baby brother was born, this bundle of delight that filled a hole so deep in so many people's lives. We learnt to love and laugh again.

Twenty years have passed. Pinky and I drive each other crazy, it means everything and nothing. She allows it because she knows I can only really be this way with her."

By: Anita Badhan
Published: December 2005

An interview with the author

Please tell us a little about yourself.
I'm a 28-year-old Brummie! I'm Indian and come from a large extended family. I'm now living and working in Wales as a Castle Development Officer.

What's your story about?
My story is about the great relationship I have with my sister, a sister I lost and the birth of my youngest brother.
It is something that is very important to me and for a long time defined everything about me. I am now at a stage where I am really grateful for every moment my sister was alive and celebrating my family.

What did you find most rewarding about the workshop?
The great people, both delivering and participating in the workshop and the relaxed, friendly and nurturing environment.


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