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16 October 2014

calumannabel


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No we haven't got that penguin....

There is an ugly rumour going round that the Fank Catering Committee is responsible for the disappearance of the young penguin on the Isle of Wight.
One hundred percent wrong. We would only serve free range penguin to our patrons were we to serve it at all and this was patently a battery bird reared in intensive conditions.
It is doubtful whether we'd have time to salt it anyway given all the other Christmas festivities and let's face it seals have more flavour to them and you can get a set of luggage out of the leftovers.
Hope that sets the record straight and stops the tongues wagging.
I've a cold coming on so I'm going to spend the next few days under the nurse.

Posted on calumannabel at 19:45

Comments

Aye, but penguin is one o' them afro... dizzy things isn't it, which might be quite useful to have at the Dell Fank festival? If I could source some free rangers, might there be a market? p.s. Useless info alert: The name penguin comes from the Welsh pen (head) and gwyn (white) and the "white head" was named by a Welsh explorer. I know, I know they don't exactly have white heads, but I'm assured that this is true by Mick - anyone want to argue? ;-)

Cymro from Grimsay


I can't believe it's not Guga

Arnish Lighthouse from Stornoway


We always drew the line at eating penguins in our house anyway out of respect for their amazing talents. How many other seabirds have their own series of classic books. You don't see many cormorants or seagulls with their beaks in "War and Peace" do you? Hope Nursie's got plenty of goose grease for your chest Calum. Get well soon. By the way, will Valerie, patron saint of singletons, be at the fank with some Blue Peter badges? Hope so.

annie beag from lone sheiling 17


Can I just say that - although so far - we have been keeping schtum, the BBC would like know to throw their (your)resources behind the Fank in the way of some sponsorship in-kind. I have been authorised to disclose that we have 8 1/2 Jimmy Shand LPs and a bottle of Heather the Weathers Corn Cream to put up in the way of prizes / entertainment. We are also offering to fly Dougie Donnelly's Mum out to Stornoway if this would in any way help?

Mike from Glasgow


Jings Mike, this is such a kind gesture. Compliments of the season to you. The LPs from Auchtermuchty’s finest will be just the job for the dancing at the fank and my wellies are fair jigging on their own in anticipation. I know you’ll laugh but some of the more bewildered souls round here actually drink Harvey’s Bristol Cream instead of rubbing the excellent liniment into their chests (honestly, some folks!), so you might want to explain Heather’s generous offer of the corn sherry. It does sound unusual but I’m sure it would make a nice change from Croft Original. Dougie’s Mum would certainly add celebrity status to the new Callanish Air route if she hasn’t got any previous for aggressive on-flight catering. Fanks again.

annie beag from lone sheiling 17


Cymro, are you related to Jeremy Godwin? I really think that some might find your offer of free Rangers offensive as I think the NTS need most of theirs and Stephen from Arran might be put off coming to the fank if he's going to be the 2nd course. I've heard of serving it up on a platter but really! Can you just stick to serving the werewolf? Mike how many convictions does Mrs Donnelly have for her cooking?

Sunny from Arran


Cymro and Jeremy Godwin could be one and the same. I have never seen the two of them together. Though I think on balance they are probably separate people with similar thought processes. Cymro seems much more photosensitive. Whether or not they are related we are pleased to announce the offer of a Springtime weekend in Penrith with Jeremy Godwin to the first couple to make it down the aisle. There will be a tour of the Penrith sweetshop and a trolley dash around Aldi for the lucky winner plus the services of a guide from the Westmoreland Gazette. If it's raining we shall also tour the market on the edge of town. Jeremy will wine and dine the two winners at the Penrith Truckstop where the lucky pair will receive a set of BP overalls each, two all day breakfasts and a bottomless coffee pot. Who says we're not pulling the stops out? And -if Stephen the penguin is coming all the way from Arran I'm sure we can find a mate for him - Agnes Anne MacLoed wears black except for a white blouse plus she smells of fish - do you think Stephen would be interested? What was the talent like in Fife, Sunny? How do they do their dating there?

calumannabel from the penguin house skigersta zoo lewis


Stephen is not a penguin he's a Ranger, I was refering to Cymros' offer to source some free rangers. I thought I better clear that up as I wouldn't want to offend Stephen. Pittenweem dating usually happens at The Fish Shed Dance where the fisher lads and lassies check each other out and if you can find a partner who smells better than the venue you're in! I haven't tried this method of dating since I was 17 as one could end up living in darkest Fife if not careful!

Sunny from The Chopping Block


Listen this Stephen needs to sort out what he is. Is he a penguin, a footballer or a free range ranger with Berghaus gear and woollie hat? We apologise if he isn't a penguin - Stephen seems such a lovely name for a little black and white creature with webbed feet. Pittenweem dating sounds very similar to Anstruther dating. It must be a Neuk thing. In Dundee you find a partner and stun her with a sharp bridie crust then take her home to your multi storey flat where she lives happily ever after. Island woman are so much more demanding and discerning hence all the arrangements Donald and I are having to make.

calumannabel from Strewbacks Borve


Listen this Stephen needs to sort out what he is. Is he a penguin, a footballer or a free range ranger with Berghaus gear and woollie hat? We apologise if he isn't a penguin - Stephen seems such a lovely name for a little black and white creature with webbed feet. Pittenweem dating sounds very similar to Anstruther dating. It must be a Neuk thing. In Dundee you find a partner and stun her with a sharp bridie crust then take her home to your multi storey flat where she lives happily ever after. Island woman are so much more demanding and discerning hence all the arrangements Donald and I are having to make.

calumannabel from Strewbacks Borve


As I've never seen Stephen in evening dress, he definitely doesn't waddle and he's over 6ft he must be either a footballer or a Ranger (I don't know if NTS let them run free as such but they definitely spend most of their time outdoors). As we don't have much in the way of football here I don't know what a footballer is and webbed feet are a common trait especially in the south end, we will have to presume he's a ranger.The dating technique of the East Neuk is pretty uniform but Pittenweem has the only remaining fish shed so is now dating mecca for the area. I have been out in Dundee a number of times and can concurr that a girl has to be aware that any man in the room can easily be carrying an offensive meat pastry.

Sunny from Arran


He may not be carrying an offensive meat pastry he may be just pleased to see you.

Desmond Morris from Sinderins Dundee


Mystery solved. There's something black and white and of obvious marine origin in Annie Beag's freezer. She's p.p picked up a Penguin!!

Hamish Snoop from Annie Beag's kitchen


Cheeky snooper. I don't keep books in the freezer but I've got a dressed salmon in there. Lovely it looks with its little tux and bow tie.

Annie B from Lone sheiling




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