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Mr B B Wolf vs. Miss R R Hood - Evidence for the Courts - GOLD WINNER

by Livia Turner

Mr B B Wolf vs. Miss R R Hood - Evidence for the Courts

Read by Tom Forrister from the BBC Radio Drama Company.

Dear Miss
Welcome to The Woods!
We hope you enjoy living in this picturesque log cabin that the animals have graciously donated to you. The Woods are certainly colder than where you have come from - I'd like you to accept this red hood and basket of seeds and foodstuff.
Your cabin is as close to your Grandma as we could find possible, as we know she is the reason you moved.
I am certain you will adore The Woods. The animals that live here are all pleasant folk, and the scenery could be straight from a fairy tale!
Wishing you a delightful day.
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf
Yeah thanks for the cabin, though it's not the biggest house I've ever seen.
Shame you didn't put us any closer to Grandma...

Dear Miss Hood
I hope you love The Woods as much as I do!
A friendly reminder - please don't pick the wild flowers. They are grown in specific order. My teams of birds are experts in the botanical business, and they ensure The Woods look perfect. If you pick any flower, it ruins the pattern.
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf
I like much more space - so here's your keys back.
By The Way, we will be clearing some ground, so we can build my pool.

Miss Hood
I implore you not to slay any further trees!
A pool is not a necessity, whereas the trees are important to the wellbeing of The Woods - if one is felled there are disastrous consequences!
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf
Since when were you the boss of me?

Miss Hood
The squirrels tell me that you have been shooting at them.
All these complaints are taking up too much of my time, and my job has become considerably more stressful.
Please try not to make the same mistakes again.
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf,
I don't know what the heck you're talking about.
Squirrels are liars.
Grandma says they were rubbish neighbours anyway.

Miss Hood
What a big appetite you have!
Do not kill the animals! It is strictly forbidden.
I admit to being able to understand about the pheasants, but the rabbits pushed it too far.
When you continue to murder and devour the deer, you make yourself quite a reputation. Now the boars are vanishing - animals are queuing up outside my office to tell me they are scared.
You are making my job very hard. The system in The Woods is surprisingly fragile, and it's up to me to stop it falling into chaos. Don't make me ask you to leave.
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf
We'd like to see you try.

Miss Hood
What a sickening fur coat you wore this morning!
Mr. Wolf

Mr. Wolf
All the better to keep me warm!
Stop stalking me on my journeys to Grandma's. It's v annoying!
p.s.the coat didn't look good on the old owner anyway.

Miss Riding Hood
Mark my words, you will not bruise my honor without punishment.
Mr. Wolf

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