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Agent Ramsbottom and the mysterious fish and chips

by Francesca Wade

*Wildcard Entry*

Agent Ramsbottom and the mysterious fish and chips by Francesca Wade

Read by Ryan Early from the BBC Radio Drama Company.

Everything was quiet, everything was in order, everything was cleen. A row of pressed uniform onsies hung in the station. The smell of eco-friendly washing powder filled the air.

"FAT ALERT, FAT ALERT!!" The warning siren screemed.

"Sir there is a report in that illegal substances are being sold in London, rumers are that the scent could even be the notorious fish and chips!"

Following the early deaths of grown-ups from over-eating, babies had been put in charge and strict helthy eating laws were in place.

"Agent Ramsbottom is there sir. A man in black tracksuit bottoms and a woman in a smock are stood over a manhole. The cover is lifting. Sir, two portions of fish and chips, with salt and vinegar have been smuggled away!"

Agent Ramsbottom flicked a speck of dust from his pristeen uniform and let out a huge sigh. Relucktantly, he slid down into the sewer, good job he was only small.

What he saw was shocking. An army of pastry faces were loading a huge machine with pongy goo. The smell was enough to choke anyone but the nappy tested agent. From the other end of the machine came fish and chips hot, greasy and wrapped in yesterdays newspaper.

This could only be the work of Dr Fatbürg!

Ramsbottom observed the operation. The machine was locatid at the end of one of London's now famous fatburgs and could move along the sewer gobbling up the shameful remains of a self destructive population. Inside the machine, the fat was shaped and prosessed into either portions of fish or random cuboids of chips. Sprayed with some kind of flavouring and quickly deep fried, the results once smothered in ketchup vinegar or salt were remarkable.

Agent Ramsbottom knew he had to shut it down. He could not allow the grown-ups to fall back into their greesy habits besides what if his parents got hold of some? What if they deid?

If he could just reach the control panel he could shut it down forever. It was garded by five pastry faces and supervised by Dr Fatbürg himself.
Ramsbottom crawled through the soower, trying not to think about what was around him. He cruised along the side of the machine. Just as he reached out to press the stop button there was a huge "SPLAT!"

Remains of fatburg dripped down his face and onto his now filthy uniform. Furious, he reeched into his pocket for a handkerchief but his hand only found something grainy. Washing powder remains! He quickly flung the powder over the fatburg - it began to melt.

Everything shut down.

"No!" Dr Fatbürg screemed.

Back at the station, Dr Fatbürg was imprisond in a greese-proof sell and forced to eat spinich smoothies for the rest of his life.

"You coming out for an avocado salad to celebrate Agent Ramsbottom?"
"I'll be there in a minute!" Ramsbottom replied smiling to himself as he loaded his uniform onesie and set the washing cycle to maximum deep clean.

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