Ever stuck for something to say? Noel Gallagher has some pointers.
“I always have been a loner, man. When I was growing up, I never ran with a gang of lads, not for any other reason than I like the peace and quiet. See, I don't take myself too seriously. I don't think I'm better than anybody else. All I say to anybody on the street is 'All I am is a better songwriter than you.’ That's it. But you're a better taxi driver than I am, and I can't drive, so I need you to drive me round the streets of London, so thanks very much for that.”
To his wife Sara when she nags him for being idle:
“Can you play the guitar? No, you can’t, thank you very much, jog on.”
“The further away Bono stays from a guitar, the better."
On Margaret Thatcher:
“Art was better under Thatcher, not because of Thatcher but in spite of Margaret Thatcher.”
Stagecraft is beneath me.
On Paul Weller:
“I still consider myself in his presence to be a little bit shaky, and I'd hazard a guess, so does he.”
On his cat:
“Well, I didn’t name him. Let’s get that straight. My four-year-old named him Boots. Not after the chemist, obviously. Although, if he’d named him Superdrug, that would’ve been f***ing brilliant.”
To a heckler in Cork, when he asked where Liam was:
“He's at home looking at himself in the mirror."
On the class system:
“You know where the working classes have a voice now? On X-Factor. That's where it's ended up, and that's what the working classes aspire to now, is to be on X-Factor.”
On Liam post-Oasis:
“I think he probably is working on, you know, developing the perfect desert boot.”
“He doesn't have a good word to say about anyone, anything. He never asked me a single question about…what I was doing, Oasis splitting up, nothing. When you're with Morrissey, you're in the court of Morrissey. But he's an uber-legend. What a top man.”
“I thoroughly enjoyed those days, but then, one day in 1998, I said, “Everybody out.” And that was it. It was a moment of clarity.”
On Russell Brand:
“Tell me a joke. I don't want to know about Trotsky."
“Everybody likes nice clothes, but I’m not from the school of thought where I think a scarf can change the world.”
On Nigel Farage:
“He doesn't look like he could be mentally capable of running a corner shop, far less a country.”
On the music industry:
“Music is very middle class. I'd have eaten Bastille alive in an afternoon in the Nineties, one interview, destroyed, gone, never to be heard of again.”