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Steve Young
Steve, 39, was born in London, brought
up in Wellingborough and now lives in Northampton. He's a support
worker for the Northamptonshire Police Hate Crimes Unit. He
talks about his experiences as a gay man. |
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| Out
at 13 |
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Even in those very early years, I was a very effeminate child,
so there were always questions asked and comments made. I was
very much the 'sissy' from as far back as I can ever remember,
so obviously that kind of coloured part of my childhood which
ultimately led to my decision to come out.
I was 13 and had just started secondary school. I kind of thought:
'well, I'm just going to come out and tell the truth; I don't
have an issue with this. I've finally worked out what I want
out of life.'
| "I'd
had it instilled into me by my parents and everyone else
I loved and respected to tell the truth. And, of course,
at 13 I did tell the truth. But nobody else seemed to
be able to deal with it." |
I
very soon learnt to regret it. I would never advise anyone
to come out when they're at Secondary School. It threw up
a whole load of stuff for me that was very confusing for a
13-year-old.
I'd had it instilled into me by my parents and everyone else
I loved and respected to tell the truth. And, of course, at
13 I did tell the truth. But nobody else seemed to be able
to deal with it. I was very confused by all the comments made.
My mother, who loved me madly, simply couldn't deal with it.
I was carted off to psychiatrists and was constantly bombarded
with comments like: 'it's a phase' and 'he'll grow out of
it'. They were certainly testing times.
The positive thing about my mum - although it isn't very positive
- is that she tried to deal with it. She tried to deal with
it badly, but she did try to deal with it. My father was just
completely absent.
I told my mum first. We were standing in the kitchen. I told
her and she hit the roof shouting and hollering. My father
came into the kitchen to see what was going on. And my mum
said: "He thinks he's queer." My father said: "Don't
be so bloody ridiculous. I was in the army!" And he walked
out. It was never spoken about again. From that point, he
was not interested.
It took me many, many, many years to suss that whole situation
out. It certainly wasn't until after his death I worked out
that it wasn't a case of him withdrawing from me: he simply
had no terms of reference. He was a much older man and was
in his 60s when I was 13. He simply couldn't relate to it;
he had no terms of reference; it went straight over his head;
he couldn't deal with it. That's not a fault in him - he was
a product of his time.
 Listen
to Steve talking about coming out
(Real 56k, 3'25")
Use
the BBC
Webwise guide to downloading realplayer
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| Cottaging |
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| "They
explained to me that there were certain toilets in Wellingborough.
Well, I was in there like a shot! Bingo! Christmas!" |
When
I first came out, when I was 13, the only scene was cottaging.
I met a couple of gay men in Wellingborough and I remember
it as clear as day. We were walking through what was then
the Arndale Centre, and these were new friends of mine.
One
of them was called Michael and he said: "Just remember,
you've still got to go to school and don't spend all your
time cottaging." And I'm like: "Cottaging, what's
cottaging?" And they explained to me that there were
certain toilets in Wellingborough. Well, I was in there like
a shot! Bingo! Christmas!
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| Gay
Northamptonshire |
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Northampton is a strange town in that it's obviously got a
rich and long history of LGB people being here, which is unusual
for a town of this size in a rural location.
| Gay
history |
| If
you would like to contribute to a history of Northamptonshire's
gay people and places, please email us at: northamptonshire@bbc.co.uk |
I've
heard more than one person say that in post Second World War
Northampton there was a bar in town called The Black Boy.
It's now now the HSBC bank but apparently upstairs in The
Black Boy was the bar for 'theatricals' and other 'light footed
people'. I can only assume they meant gay men.
I think that's pretty amazing when you look at the timescale.
You kind of think gay history in this country didn't start
before the 60s. But no, we've always been here. What's really
sad is that we've got no record of it.
Listen
to Steve talking about The Black Boy
(Real 56k, 1'11")
Use
the BBC
Webwise guide to downloading realplayer
There
has always been at least one, usually two gay venues in the
town. I find that peculiar to Northampton. I can't think of
any other town of a comparable size that has always had one
or two venues.
Milton Keynes now has a gay venue but for years Milton Keynes
had nowhere. There are towns far bigger than this. Go into
the Fenlands - past Peterborough it's a wasteland! There is
nothing! There has always been a gay heartbeat in Northampton.
Listen
to Steve talking about gay bars in Northampton
(Real 56k, 0'49")
Use
the BBC
Webwise guide to downloading realplayer
 |
| "The
action those fields saw at 2 o'clock in the morning with
all those gay men was wonderful. It could be raining or
snowing but there they were, shagging in the fields -
It makes you proud to be British!" |
Clopton
is a tiny little village on the other side of Thrapston in
the middle of nowhere. There is a pub in Clopton - I can't
even remember what the pub is called - but at the back of
the car park, they had this barn. God knows how it happened,
but they started running a gay disco on a Saturday night,
and it was fabulous!
Primarily, from my point of view, it was fabulous because
it was very near the American Airforce base and all these
American boys kept going there and it was like: 'Oh, I'll
have some of this!'.
It was outrageous for its day [the early 1980s]. There was
a crappy little mobile disco in the corner with two sets of
three-coloured lights that used to flash alternately, and
a bar at one end. But it was surrounded by countryside. The
action those fields saw at 2 o'clock in the morning with all
those gay men was wonderful. You'd get back to your car and
turn your headlamps on and there'd be people shagging in the
hedgerow. It could be raining or snowing, but there they were
shagging in the fields - It makes you proud to be British!
It was a thing of its time. I have no idea how it started,
I don't even remember how or why it ended. But for the couple
of years it was running, it was absolutely great. I must have
been 16/17 at the time and was on the dole because it was
the time of mass unemployment, and I would save all my dole
cheques so I could get over there once a fortnight. It was
great. And there was a tinge of glamour with all these American
Gi-types. I'm so sad it went.
Listen
to Steve talking about Clopton
(Real 56k, 2'25")
Use
the BBC
Webwise guide to downloading realplayer
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| The
Alliance |
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As
times changed locally, things did start to happen on a political
level in Northamptonshire. And certainly around the time when
Section 28 was first muted, people started to get very nervous.
That, locally, ended in a group of people getting together
(I wasn't part of that group at that time) and did some stuff
politically around stopping Clause 28, as it was then. As
we all know, that didn't happen.
The left-over from that locally was that people started saying:
'well, actually, there are a whole bunch of issues here in
this town that we're not dealing with. We do have a gay population
and it's about time we said something'.
From that, meetings were organised. I went to the second meeting.
From that meeting we ended up with the Northamptonshire Lesbian,
Gay Bisexual Alliance. I've had both a working relationship
and a social relationship with the Alliance from conception.
That's extremely important to me because I firmly believe
that to win the big battle, you have to fight all the little
battles and the little battles are often fought in towns just
like Northampton and counties like Northamptonshire. If we
can change all of them, we then change the bigger picture.
Listen
to Steve talking about the formation of the Alliance
(Real 56k, 1'58")
Use
the BBC
Webwise guide to downloading realplayer
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| The
future |
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In towns like Wellingborough there are no gay venues. Sadly,
the reality is that for a lot of men your options are toilets
or nothing. You get very little support through the education
system; it's extremely unlikely that you're going to get support
from your family; but what you may well have found out - usually
through the local press - is that if you go to a certain park
at a certain time of night there are going to be men that go
there for sex.
I think one of our biggest failings in our education system
is that if someone's sexuality was seen as a positive thing
and was nurtured in the appropriate way, people might grow up
in a situation where they didn't feel they need to go round
in draughty parks at midnight with absolutely no one knowing
where they are and put themselves at that kind of risk. |
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| Have
you got a 'forgotten fairytale' to tell about growing up or
living in Northamptonshire? We want to include your story on
these pages. Contact us by email: northamptonshire@bbc.co.uk |
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Also
see:
Have your say on Forgotten
Fairytales
More Forgotten Fairytales
Hated because you're gay
How much
do you know about HIV/Aids? |
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