Falling asleep in a lesson or telling your teacher to "chill out" are among the 100 things primary-age children feel they should do before turning 11.
As a million children wave goodbye to primary school, a Times Educational Supplement survey of 2,500 youngsters reveals their wish lists.
The top 100 includes numerous pranks such as spinning on the teacher's chair or being caught impersonating "Miss".
It also features life lessons such as failing so you can learn from mistakes.
Helping younger pupils learn something and being kind to someone who needs a friend are also on the list produced from the survey of under-11s.
And perhaps surprisingly, children saw the experience of losing or falling out with a friend as a key lesson for life learned in primary school.
The list, which has a distinctly end-of-term feeling, also focuses on silly behaviour, with more than a third of activities likely to irritate a teacher.
Highlights include falling off a chair - because you are swinging on it - running around a corridor and smashing into a teacher and laughing so hard that drink comes out of your nose.
Other classic school tricks include forgetting your homework.
For adults who worry that children spend too much time glued to a screen, there was a reassuring vote of confidence in the great outdoors.
Playing conkers, making a daisy chain, going pond dipping and running around in the rain were also popular.
TES editor Ann Mroz said that adult worries over youngsters' "disappearing childhoods" and "lost innocence" seem overdone.
"It's heartening to see that children today behave much as children have always done.
"We may think they are tested, tutored and drilled as never before but they seem remarkably resilient.
"They love being naughty, playing pranks and getting up to mischief much as we did at their age.
"And despite the ubiquity of mobile phones and tablets, they still like to splash around in puddles and construct daisy chains."
She added: "I wonder if a lot of the anxiety over childhood today has more to do with adult projections and expectations than children's own concerns."