Marcus Brigstocke's New Year resolutions
Actor and comedian Marcus Brigstocke asks why we need to wait until January to "get up off our lazy bums" and change our ways. Here's his poem.
Eat less, tweet less,
Try to pick my feet less,
Walk more, cycle often,
I will not let my belly soften,
Call my Mother, hug my Dad,
See a friend, who's feeling sad.
Be kind, shout less, read more, don't lie,
Be fair, shout more, read less, less pie.
Stop fiddling with my sodding phone
Angry Birds leave me alone!
Around the Sun - one revolution
And so - my New Year's resolution.
Fix the door on the washing machine,
I made that promise for Jan 13.
Let nuance in when I debate,
I will not read the Daily Hate,
I will not look at comment pages,
And therefore won't fly into rages,
Honestly, I mean why do people do it? We're in the season now when some dolt will claim their council has banned Christmas because of the Muslims and the atheists and the health and safety people who've said it's too dangerous for fat men climb down chimneys with bags of presents and they can't insure that many reindeer on the roof at once. It's just nonsense… You see? See what happens? They've gone and put me off my rhyming couplets now…
Which promises will you all make?
For this New Year when you awake.
Perhaps you'll say you'll give up smoking,
Study something thought-provoking,
You'll drink less booze and join the gym,
Get fitter, swim, be slim, get trim,
As New Year 2014 starts
We'll all make pledges from our hearts…
But why? What purpose will it serve?
To promise then what we deserve.
We could (and this is just a thought)
Do now what then we think we ought?
Why wait until the New Year comes?
To get up off our lazy bums
And do what may make us content
When now we could give our assent
To any thought, desire or goal
That we believe may make us whole.
I'll do it then, today I mean,
I shall not wait 'till New Year's been.
Carpe Diem the Latin phrase,
Or "seize the day" no more delays.
My New Year's resolution vow
Begins today, this instant - now.
Which I will commence on Jan 1st 2014.