News tweets: Snowden, A-Rod and Cowell

Alex Rodriguez, Simon Cowell and Bradley Manning
Image caption Alex Rodriguez, Simon Cowell and Bradley Manning

For the week ending 2 August, here is the news making waves in America - all in 140 characters or less.

1. Snowden's gonna have a hell of a time figuring out which carousel will have his luggage.

Huffington Post's White House correspondent Sam Stein (@samsteinhp). After spending more than a month holed up in a Moscow airport, Edward Snowden received asylum for a year from the Russian government.

2. Simon Cowell is gonna be a dad. In future news, a child weeps when his father calls his performance of Itsy Bitsy Spider "bloody dreadful."

Comedian Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) envisions parenting life with the notoriously ill-tempered X-Factor judge, who announced this week he's to be a father.

3. Boy, I was kinda mad our tax $ went to war crimes but I'm REALLY mad Bradley Manning told us our tax $ went to war crimes.

This week US Army Pte First Class Bradley Manning was convicted of 20 charges, including espionage, for leaking 700,000 classified US government documents to Wikileaks. However, comedian John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) suggested that perhaps the leak wasn't the real crime at hand.

4. George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding today, although according to him his car was parked and it was the road that was speeding by.

After being acquitted of murder in the killing of Trayvon Martin, Zimmerman reappeared in Texas, where he was pulled over for speeding and found to have a gun in the car. He got off without a ticket, which comedy writer Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) ascribed to yet another effective self-defence plea.

5. I knew San Diego mayor Bob Filner was trouble when he made Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' his campaign song.

Copy writer Mark Campbell (@MrWordsWorth) on the embattled mayor. He is accused by at least eight women of unwelcome advances, including physical harassment. Filner this week blamed the city for not providing him with harassment training.

6. Defending A-Rod is like fishing a lake that's been stocked with boots.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez finds himself engulfed in a doping scandal and facing a possible life ban from baseball. Writer Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) has no love lost for the former superstar.

7. Just Googled "back pack," "pressure cooker" and for good measure, "jihadi quinoa recipes." *sits back and waits for a knock on the door*

After journalist Michele Catalano created a stir by claiming that six people from a local anti-terrorism task force visited her house to question her husband about fairly mundane Google searches, Twitter users like NPR senior strategist Andy Carvin (@acarvin) felt their privacy threatened. However, it is now unclear whether her Google searches really provoked the visit. The FBI has denied any involvement.

8. Pretty sure the Keystone XL pipeline has already created at least one million jobs in lobbying and advertising

While the controversial pipeline between Canada and US raises the ire of environmental groups, The Hill reporter Sam Baker (@sam_baker) thought the project might at least indirectly benefit the country's economy. On Friday, the US labor department announced the economy added 165,000 jobs in July, with the unemployment rate dropping to 7.4%.

9. We did it everyone: We ran out of Anthony Weiner stories to put on the front pages of NYC tabloid newspapers.

After weeks of stories about the New York mayoral hopeful and his sexual controversies, New York Times staff editor Michael Roston (@michaelroston) felt the media had hit Weiner fatigue - despite the opportunity for puns. However, with Weiner still in the race, the hiatus might not last for long.

10. House voting for 40th time to repeal Obamacare. It won't pass, but members voting yes get $5 off a large 2-topping Papa John's pizza.

The internet humourist known as @pourmecoffee looks for reasons why the Republican Party would continue to vote against the Affordable Care Act. Though the law was passed by Congress and validated by the Supreme Court, the House continues to try to defund or repeal the programme. That might delight the head of the Papa John's pizza chain, who said the law would force him to raise prices.

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Some tweets may have been edited for style and clarity