I don't know if this is a good idea. The Doctor thinks it might be useful for me to talk about what happened. To let my feelings out. That's rich coming from him.
I don't know what to make of the Doctor. I know he cares about people. Not in that touchy-feely way you see on daytime TV. He really cares about them. Even people he doesn't know. But if I try to talk to him about how I feel now, he looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I don't know how to explain the way he is when it comes to just talking about feelings. He's not a James Dean knock-off. You know the sort. Dark and brooding and mysterious, sitting there hoping some dumb girl's going to feel sorry for him. That's not the Doctor at all. Most of the time he's fun to be around. I don't know how old he is really, but wherever we land, he seems to have been there before. When he's showing us a new planet, or a star being born he's so open and happy you can't help but be happy with him. It's just when things go wrong that he tends to clam up and block people out. I used to think that maybe it's because he doesn't want to let people see that he's hurting as well. More recently, I've started to wonder if it's because he doesn't understand how we feel. He seems so uncomfortable with that kind of thing. Or maybe it's because he understands emotions too well and he's scared of letting people see how much he does feel. I don't know. Mom would say it's because he's English. She always said the English were emotionally repressed. But then again, Mom thinks TV shows like Upstairs Downstairs on PBS are documentaries.
But the Doctor is mysterious. I don't even know his real name. He's called himself John Smith a couple of times, but that's not his real name. Actually, as a fake, it's pretty lame. It's bizarre to think that I'm travelling around the universe with a guy and I don't even know his real name. Actually, my whole life is bizarre. I travel in a spaceship that looks like a call-box and doesn't know where it's going half the time with a guy whose name I don't know and my closest friend who should have been crowned Pharaoh but decided to come with us instead.
I should talk about Erimem now and what happened. That's what I'm doing here. What was it the Doctor said? "It might help to get it off your chest. Clear the air a bit." Maybe Mom's right. There is something old-fashioned and English about the Doctor. And I'm talking about the Doctor and Mom so that I can put off talking about what happened. I really don't want to think about it. It's uncomfortable and depressing and it's making me edgy already. Maybe it's too soon to talk about it - but I have to sooner or later, or it'll drive me crazy, you know? Of course you don't. You're just a machine.
Where do I start? It's probably best to start with us arriving on Earth. The Doctor promised to show me the Wild West and I was kind of interested to see how America was back then. I used to watch John Wayne movies with my Dad - my real Dad, not Howard - and I wondered what the real West would be like.
