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Tom's Tales

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Tom Morton Tom Morton | 16:15 UK time, Tuesday, 15 June 2010

The tales we tell...it's what life's about, isn't it? Yarning, remembering, trying to understand what happened in the past, learning lessons for the future. And as we sit around the campfire (or the radio, or the carry-out curry, or all three) it's also about having a laugh, about wondering how we got away with it, about the sheer wonderful strangeness of human experience.

It's a real privilege to hear and read out the stories emailed, Facebooked, Tweeted, phoned and texted in to the TM Show of a weekday afternoon. On Monday, thanks to a minor mishap I had in the car, I was wondering if anyone wanted to talk about little accidents they'd had, and perhaps failed to tell anyone about. And also, a story in the news about a bank left open all night led to a bit of chat about those doors you left unlocked...or in the case of Cyril Bonnett, someone else's door. That someone else being, in fact, a bank:

Back in the early 1980's I rushed round to the local bank at lunchtime, hoping to get there before they closed.

On arriving I was pleased to find the door still open. On entering there was a tray full of money on the counter, the safe was open. I stood for a couple of minutes but no one appeared so I called out, silence. I waited a bit longer and still nobody appeared, I then knocked on the manager's door, no answer. The bank was deserted!! I waited for what seemed ages; suddenly the front door burst open and a lady flew in, looked around, and asked if anyone else had been in. Then went on to explain that in a rush to pick up her child from school she had left the bank door open and only remembered when she got home. I withdrew a tenner and with a thanks left her to dwell on what might have happened.

Then there was regular listener Mark, one of Scotland's top mountain bike trail builders, whose career with Scottish Gas did not perhaps go on as long as he'd hoped...

Hey Tom, you'll love this one! When an apprentice, I attended Inverness tech on day release, the first van I had was an old Bedford Cf with double back wheels. My supervisor had told me I wasn't allowed the van for personal use or even for going to college. I was on 24hr stand by, so figured it would be ok to take van to college - bad move; when pulling out of the car park I ripped the wing off the nearly new 3500 Rover parked next to me, quick look around, no one saw me (I thought), on my way home. The next day I get a message over the radio, Lema 5/2, come in Lema 5/2, summoned to the office. As I drove into the gas works car park, there it was the Rover. As I walked into the office, there stood 2 massive Nigg welders holding the blue and white fibreglass wheel arch from my gas van, well caught!

As for Frankie setting a caravan sink on fire after connecting it to a gas cylinder...don't try it at home!

The Tom Morton Show is on BBC Radio Scotland Monday to Friday 1400-1600


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