A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It's boob war in tabloidland.
The red tops have leapt on a bosom spat ignited on the sofa of This Morning when Philip Schofield, addressing Holly Willoughby and Kelly Brook, said "Is there any competition in the bosom-age area?"
"Boob wars" is how the Daily Star describes it.
Paper Monitor wonders how Neville Chamberlain might have put it had he morphed into the curvaceous body of Willoughby.
"I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently my bosom is at war with Miss Brook's."
Back in the real world - well tabloidland - hostilities were swiftly averted as Willoughby performed a graceful diplomatic manoeuvre. "I am more than happy to play second fiddle in the boob area because she is amazing."
But of course the phoney war - as some might be calling it - allowed the Star and competitors to run ample pictures of the two women's decolletage, appropriately captioned eg "Bust the job".
There was no sign of the story in the Daily Mail. But lo and behold, there it was on the paper's website.
A case of "breast is best". But only for online readers, mind. Translation: having your cake and eating it.
One story the Mail hasn't been ducking is Mo Farah's wife. "Mo, his VERY ambitious wife and the dash for cash that risks tarnishing an Olympic hero."
The piece takes up almost two pages but contains few zingers. There's the suggestion his manager is trying to trademark the Mobot. The sense that Mo and wife Tania have let the side down by moving to Portland, Oregon. And that Tania is really, really ambitious.
"Already, 26-year old Tania has negotiated a six-figure deal with Hello! Magazine, in which the babies were paraded before the camera for the first time."
The weirdest thing, though, we already knew - that Mo plans to run only half the London marathon. A "senior figure" tells the paper: "It's pure showboating and has nothing to do with the long-held spirit of the marathon."
The paper performs a rapid reverse ferret in the last par to show its support for this "charming and brilliantly talented man". It merely wants him to concentrate on what he does best - running. Ah, the Mail as well meaning friend. Nicely done.
So who's next in the Great Olympian Backlash? Wiggo can't be safe for much longer...