A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
A Martian visiting Britain today needs a crash course in puns. And a tutorial about the cultural significance of pasties served above room temperature.
The row over the introduction of VAT on hot snacks is a gift for papers' headline writers. As was David Cameron's oddly detailed answer to the question of "And when did you last eat a pasty Prime Minister?"
The PM told his inquisitor that he thought the last one he'd eaten had been "a large one" from the West Cornwall Pasty Company at Leeds Station before adding: "I am sure the Sun will have someone rushing up to the shop right away to check it out." It wasn't just the Sun.
Now that the detail doesn't quite stack up, the government has a "political hot potato" on its hands, the Independent warns.
The Sun splashes with "half-baked", with the subhead "PM's bid to take heat out of pasty row is hard to swallow". Inside, there is more fun, with a spread headlined "PM pasty 'pork pie' probe".
The Daily Telegraph opts for "Oh crumbs ... PM's trial by pasty", while the Guardian asks "Who ate all the pies?"
The Times saves the puns for its page three sketch, headed "Dave tries to play catch-up but it's all pie in the sky as Mr Pasty tells a porky". Sketchwriter Ann Treneman suggests the best way for the PM to achieve closure is at "Greggs with a hot pasty in his mouth. At least he won't be able to talk."
All this punning is making Paper Monitor peckish. We're off to a certain chain of low cost bakery to investigate further.