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Paper Monitor

10:28 UK time, Monday, 5 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

'Tis the season to be jolly (about calendars). Yes, the Daily Mail has kicked it off with a page three stunner (or page turner depending on your tastes). No it's not Kylie Minogue or Kelly Brook - it's the 2012 offering from Cliff Richard.

The paper gives the reader a little taster on its front page and it's a cowboy Cliff wearing chaps. Yee ha! Turn over and there's the 70-year-old playing basketball, having a massage and frolicking with a dolphin. Bar the massage, he could seriously give the Russian Prime Minister/all-round action man Vladimir Putin a run for his money.

Cliff will be 71 in October and apparently the month of the year you are born could have an impact on your life. Using the last census, the Office of National Statistics has analysed the birth months of people in 19 different occupations.

December had an above average number of dentists and messiahs, while March is good for pilots and musicians. And if you don't want a serial killer, avoid November. October babies are likely to live the longest, so there will no doubt be a Cliff calendar in 2050.

Every paper loves a U-turn and this one really is a U-turn as it involves motoring and Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson.

The Daily Star says the outspoken presenter is never one to hold back and he has, in the past, been scathing of sat-navs. Just one example: "I still haven't found a sat-nav that knows the M40 exists."

But he is the new voice of a sat-nav. He claims it's "not a gentle sat-nav voice" and there will be a silent Stig option, for those who do not want a rough ride.

And finally, Paper Monitor has put this date in its calendar in CAPITAL letters. The Daily Express says this Friday is Pippa Middleton's Bottom Appreciation Day.

So get the bunting out and start baking some fairy cakes. But on second thoughts, perhaps a pilates class or a few buttock clenches might be more in keeping with the spirit of the day.

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