BBC BLOGS - Magazine Monitor

Archives for September 11, 2011 - September 17, 2011

Your Letters

15:03 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011

After reading Angela's story (Thursday's letters), I did the same. As a mature student, I thought I'd find that there would be little in the way of disparity between the genders in my chosen field (law). Turns out, I couldn't be more wrong. At 44 I can expect to earn £21,000 less than a male counterpart. I think I know which area I'll write my Dissertation on!

We are told: "It means when the day ends on Kepler-16b, there is a double sunset." But we need to be told what happens when the day begins?

Ralph, Cumbria

Was anyone else disappointed not to get the option "rollerblading" for the missing word question in today's 7 days quiz?
Nicolas, Marseille, France

Accident causes syrup spillage. Are the police are stuck for a solution?
Emma Wilson, Jersey

Another unit of measurement ? (10 things, number 5). Magazine Monitor, you are spoiling us.
Paul Greggor, London

I have to claim resposibility for the anonymous doughnut letter (Thursday's letters) - apparently my details got lost in the ether and I would hate for my kudos entitlement to go the same way.
Basil Long, Nottingham

Re: Friday's quote of the day. As ironic as that time you were given advice on irony but whilst the advice was good you just didn't take it.
Steve, Edinburgh

Popular Elsewhere

14:50 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011

A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

Vanity Fair headline


How fast can China go asks a popular Vanity Fair article. It's not referring to economic expansion but, instead, about their trains. And the answer, it says, is 820 miles in 288 minutes - between Shanghai and Beijing. For Simon Winchester, who boarded the new high speed train, the quirks of Chinese rail journeys are still there. Over 30 years ago he stepped off his train in China to Roll Out the Barrel being played over the loud speakers for him. While he wasn't welcomed by such a big gesture this time, Winchester was taken by the minute detail of train hostesses training. They were trained to smile a perfect "eight tooth smile" - learnt by placing chopsticks between their teeth.

New York Times headline


Children are meant to pick up languages quickly aren't they? That was New York Times correspondent Clifford Levy's assumption when he got a job in Moscow and decided to put his children in a Russian school instead of an international school. He'd convinced himself that what his children were doing was "no different from what millions of immigrants in the United States do all the time". But he recalls a painful journey. Eventually the children do pick up the language, eventually being mistaken for natives, which has one definite advantage:

"Foreign residents have long resented how Russian theaters and museums charge foreigners a steep premium. We took great pleasure in sending the kids in to buy our tickets at the cheaper price."
Guardian headline


In a well hit Guardian article Marina Hyde is less than convinced by the tone of Cheryl Cole's visit to armed forces in Afghanistan. "Cast your eyes over the spread of nine photos of a heavily false-eyelashed Cheryl looking down the sights of a sniper's rifle, or taking part in a mock raid and so on," Hyde says, "and ask whether they do not, in fact, trivialise life on the front line to a degree that would be hilarious were it not so distasteful." Hyde finds a whole heap of anecdotes about celebrities' forces visits - from Geri Halliwell demanding Soya milk to Myleen Klass's plane becoming a Taliban target.

"Targeted, if you please - as though the evildoers had lain in wait with the specific aim of taking out an erstwhile member of Hear'Say".

It's safe to say she isn't impressed, despite Cole's tailored camouflage outfit.

Time headline


Occasionally an old news story can mysteriously pop up on a site's most read list. But Time's most popular article really takes the biscuit. The article from 2 May 1955 is Albert Einstein's obituary. The piece describes a genius with a worldly innocence.

"He once agreed to buy an elevator for his two-story home because 'the man who came to interest me in it - I liked him so much, I could not say no'."

10 things we didn't know last week

13:30 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. A planet can orbit two suns.
More details

2. Women remember men with a deep voice more than those with a high voice.
More details (Daily Mail)

3. Britons contact friends and family via Facebook an average of 3.2 times a week.
More details (Daily Telegraph)

4. Escaped pet parrots can teach wild birds to say phrases learnt from their owners.
More details

5. The steel used in the construction of the new Westfield shopping mall in Stratford is equivalent to the weight of 80 million medals.
More details (Guardian)

6. New homes in Denmark are 80% bigger than new homes in the UK.
More details

7. Cavefish can keep time without the sun.
More details (New York Times)

8. Green belts in England cover 13% of total land.
More details

9. Panda poo can reveal a lot about their sex lives.
More details

10. Australians have a third choice when describing their gender on passport applications.
More details

Seen 10 things? Send us a picture to use next week. Big thanks to Mal for this week's picture of 10 home-grown tomatoes.

Caption Competition

13:06 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011


Winning entries in the Caption Competition.
The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

This week it's New York Fashion Week and a member of the audience arriving for the Blonds Spring 2012 fashion show.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. MuteJoe:
At the CERN fancy dress party the only person not to be dressed as a Hoggs Boson was Dr. Brian Cox, who'd come as a 1990's electro-pop keyboard player.

5. Valerie Ganne:
And the moral here is that tall models shouldn't walk under ceiling fans.

4. Woundedpride:
Yes, for the fifteenth time, I AM prepared for the digital switchover!

3. Clint75:
New York Fashion Week: The last place you'd expect Gaddafi to be.

2. SkarloeyLine:
America's nest-top model.

1. Rogueslr:
Following unauthorised use of her image, Scarlett Johansson was taking no chances when out shopping.

Paper Monitor

11:18 UK time, Friday, 16 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's day two of the fallout over the England rugby team's night out and everything's covered in glorious detail in the Daily Mail and the Sun.

In the Mail, royal correspondent Rebecca English takes charge of a CSI-style piecing together of the scandalous evening of revelry.

She has managed to find one of those "onlookers" that, like "close friends who do not want to be named" and "sources close to the star", seem to be easily corralled even after the event.

Paper Monitor won't name the player at the centre of the story, accused of low-level shenanigans with a woman who was not his wife, but there is some vivid detail from the onlooker.

"They were getting flirty with each other and getting very touchy-feely. Then they went into the doorway, where the girl gestured xxxxxx towards her chest. She pulled his head towards her breasts and she rubbed the back of his head as she did so."

Paper Monitor learns that the word for players' wives and girlfriends in the egg-chasing game is "scrummies".

The bar at the heart of the trouble was called Altitude and the manager has already had to come out and deny that any "dwarf-throwing" went on during the course of the evening.

But the Mail has the following: "Guests can also participate in leprechaun bar wars, and so-called midget-curling, which apparently involves pushing a dwarf along the ground in order to reach a circular target in imitation of the Olympic sport."

Having been ahead of the pack yesterday, the Sun has moved on to some snaps of one of the protagonists bungee jumping.

The Sun has another of those "onlookers" who suggests: "xxxxxx was having the time of his life - he obviously has a clear conscience."

Which instantly makes Paper Monitor think: "Could one bungee jump without a clear conscience?"

Your Letters

16:55 UK time, Thursday, 15 September 2011

Why was Roald Dahl so dark? Writing in a shed?

Ralph, Cumbria

So I don't know much about the Edinburgh tram project, except that its going to cost £775m. I think it costs £15 to get a taxi from the airport to the city centre (the longest distance I think). Hmm... instead of building the tram you could, at this fare, provide about 14,000 free trips by taxi every day for 10 years in Edinburgh.
Tom Webb, Surbiton, UK

Sorry to burst your bubble "MCK" (Wednesday's Letters), but the sin of typing in capitals is equal to or greater than the sin of misplacing an apostrophe. Forget coats, I'll get my Harts' Rules...
Henri, Sidcup

So, the Guardian's Simon Jenkins says "hypermarkets that encircle almost every English city and town, 'doughnutting' their centres with blight". My doughnuts have a rather delightful jam (or occasionally custard) centre which I certainly don't consider to be a blight.
Anon, UK

Clicked on the student loan repayment guide and thought I'd check what my projected salary would be in my field (business and statistics) at my age (32). Out of curiosity I then ran again but changed the gender. I was shocked to discover that by simply changing to male my projected salary increased by over £10k a year. To those who think there is equality between the sexes now - take note!
Angela, Norwich, Norfolk

"Syrup is rather a sticky substance". Article states the bleeding obvious!
K Morrison, Lowestoft

Popular Elsewhere

14:06 UK time, Thursday, 15 September 2011

A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

Independent headline

Readers are flocking to an apology from the Independent journalist Johann Hari, pushing it to the top of their most read list. Months after accusations about accusations he had plagiarised and used a pseudonym to alter various journalists' Wikipedia pages, he came clean.

"I've written so many articles over the years laying bare and polemicising against the errors and idiocies of other people" he starts. Before declaring "this time, I am writing an article laying bare and polemicising against the errors and idiocies of myself."

Daily Beast headline

Accusations about Sarah Palin in a new book by her neighbour Joe McGinniss are cropping up in many most read lists. In among them is the Daily Beast's run down of the six "juiciest leaks". Amid allegations of drug taking and a brief relationship with a basketball star, is this not so juicy claim about her parenting:
"Palin Served Willow and Bristol Burnt Macaroni and Cheese"
Washington Post headline

Meanwhile a well hit Washington Post article by Alexandra Petri is less than convinced by the sources of the claims. "If the rest of McGinniss's book consists of what the Doonesbury [cartoon] preview has so far consisted of, namely, unattributed slurs from 'People Who Know Palin Well,' what was the point of moving next door to her for a year?" she says.
Slate headline

This may seem like a daft question: How rich are poor people. But, as Brian Palmer explains in a popular Slate article, those living below the US poverty line are materially much better off than 52 years ago, when records began. "The typical [US] household at the poverty line includes air conditioning, two color televisions with a cable or satellite feed, a DVD player, and a microwave. Poor children usually have a video game system. More than 38 percent of poor people have a personal computer" it says.
New York Times headline

Finally, New York Times readers are a normally discerning bunch. And the articles they click reflect this - normally lengthy op-ed articles opining about US politics. Today, though it seems they can't resist but catch up on the news of a cat named Willow. For Willow had gone missing from her home in the Rocky Mountains only to be found five years later 1,800 miles away in Manhattan. A microchip her owners had implanted in her as a kitten identified her but how she got there is still a mystery.

Paper Monitor

12:20 UK time, Thursday, 15 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Our subject today is cleavage. One set of cleavage in particular - that of Mad Men star Christina Hendricks.

It's worthy of a feature in both the Sun and the Daily Mirror. Great minds think alike.

The Sun has maverick-freelance-at-large Rachel Johnson, under the memorable byline "Editor of The Lady (32E)", writing a piece on Hendricks's epic décolletage.

The headline is also memorable: "Women feel liberated by her... men want to bury their heads in her bosom". It's a celebratory piece.

Over in the Daily Mirror it's a very different story. Amber Morales writes a plaintive cry under the headline: "Oh just put them away, Christina".

The display of said "them" is beginning to "grate" on Ms Morales.

"Once out there they seem to sit like inflated cushions ensuring anyone within a mile radius is overshadowed."

The conclusion is a little spiky, containing the injunction: "Christina just needs to put them away once and for all."

Elsewhere in cleavage-watch, the front page of the Sun has a story about a rugby player, who we shan't name. But we must cite the subheading: "His head in her boobs at dwarf throwing contest."

Paper Monitor believes this group of words may not have come together in the three-century history of British newspapers.

In other news, it would be remiss of us not to mention the Johann Hari row that is rumbling on.

Today, Hari apologises in the Independent for playing fast-and-loose with people's quotes and also committing Wiki-vandalism.

But it's not enough for Toby Young at the Daily Telegraph who parses the apology in a humorous, but fairly savage way.

Whatever the sins, Paper Monitor cannot help but wince.

Your Letters

16:01 UK time, Wednesday, 14 September 2011

"All children interviewed said that material goods did not make them happy." I guess they didn't ask my kids. I agree that material goods don't make for happy children, but most children I know think otherwise. At least until said expensive material goods have been purchased!
Henri, Sidcup

Re: Trolling: Who does it and why? Banning anon posts means people avoiding abusive exes and political whistleblowers may be excluded from social networks.
@AngelM16 @BBC_magazine

Honestly, this over-analysis really annoys me. I grew up reading Dahl and still go back to it occasionally. Never for once, have I found his children's books to be dark or dodgy.
MF, Islamabad

OH NO! In yesterday's letter (Tuesday's Letters) I appear to have added an apostrophe without just cause and I know how readers hate poor punctuation. I want reassure everyone that this was just a typographical error and not another sign of the decline of education standards in today's Britain. You can put your coats back.
MCK, Stevenage

You're forgiven, Sarah (Tuesday's Letters). The radio telescopes in question are designed to receive, not transmit, radio signals. And the signals received are so small that the radio free zone is required. I hope my fellow monitorites are also as forgiving!
Roger Pickard, London

Sarah (Tuesday's Letters), you are wrong, I'm afraid. The radio telescopes in question are receivers, not transmitters. The area must be clear of man-made signals (which are the ones the people in question complain of) in order that the telescopes can better pick up the minute signals from space.
Jimmy, Milton Keynes

Popular Elsewhere

14:49 UK time, Wednesday, 14 September 2011

A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

Tyler who? may be an appropriate response to finding out the highest paid man in entertainment is Tyler Perry. That's because, as a popular Forbes article explains, Tyler Perry is not instantly recognisable given he usually plays a character in drag. He has managed to make $130m (£82.2m) between May 2010 and May 2011. Perry has got to the top of the Forbes list by directing and producing his films as well as acting. In the last two years he's made five films and two TV series. As the magazine explains, he "caters to an audience that traditional Hollywood has struggled to reach with movies about African-American families".

What happens to an ex-president who pledges not to make any money out of their presidency? Carole Cadwalladrs finds out in the Guardian's most-read article that it means, many, many years later, living in a very small house - albeit with a team of secret service agents at the end of the drive. That's what she discovered when she went to visit Jimmy Carter at his home. "Inside, there's no hallway, just a patch of carpet separating a small dining room from a tiny sitting room. Then, all of a sudden, there's Jimmy."

And perhaps you couldn't get a further route after presidency from Jimmy Carter than Vladamir Putin. Atlantic readers are drawn to an article casting the now Russian prime minister as an action man. The article shows that since Putin finished his time as president and became prime minister, he's managed to pack in many expeditions, from holding a tiger's head to horse riding shirtless. But the most bizarre must be his attempt to bend a frying pan with his bare hands.

Independent readers are drawn to Tom Peck's experience inside the world's biggest weapons fair. He comes across an interesting way of marketing drones - or as the company selling them prefers to call them - unmanned aircraft systems. Peck explains "they can be used to target 'ships, tanks, or terrorists', yet the promotional poster shows an unmanned aircraft flying above Wembley Stadium". This, he thinks, is "perhaps an extreme solution to the England football team's recent difficulties."

Paper Monitor

10:58 UK time, Wednesday, 14 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Well, that didn't go very well. What you may ask? The little matter of a public appeal to raise £500,000 to save the writing hut where Roald Dahl wrote his ever-popular children's books.

His grand-daughter Sophie Dahl was probably expecting goodwill when she launched a public campaign to raise the money on BBC Radio 4's Today programme yesterday. Well, she didn't get it.

The papers are full of the public's reaction to the appeal. The Daily Telegraph features some of responses on Twitter. "I love a bit of Roald Dahl. But being asked by his millionaire granddaughter to stump up for his shed being moved takes the Wonka biscuit," wrote one person.

The paper then puts the boot in with a few numbers. £10m - estimated joint wealth of Sophie Dahl and her husband Jamie Cullum. £300m - box office takings from the Hollywood version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

And if you haven't already got the message, columnist Andrew M Brown spells it out once again:

"The thing that will have struck most people, though, listening to Sophie's soft and prosperous, Bedales-educated tones on the radio, as she admitted 'it sounds like a great deal of money', was: can the Dahl family really not find the money themselves?"

The Guardian says the Dahls have been called "stingy" and "greed". The Times mentions the mocking comments of journalist Misha Glenny who wrote on Twitter: "Stella McCartney to appeal to taxpayers for money to restring her father's Hofner bass guitar".

But it's not all bad Sophie, the Daily Mail is offering some support. It sent Robert Hardman to go "inside Dahl's dream factory" to see what the fuss is about. His conclusions? "This is no ordinary shed." With the dazzling price tag, I think we'd gathered that.

But he gets slightly more revealing when he describes a table of mementos:

"There is the hip bone which Dahl retained after a hip replacement and a little jar of spinal shavings - another souvenir from that RAF crash. On the opposite wall is a filing cabinet with a bizarre lever wedged into a drawer handle to make it easier to open. This charming artefact, it turns out, was his original hip replacement - itself replaced in a subsequent operation."

So lots of hip bones - real and fake - and a few spinal shavings. Worth £500,000? You decide.

Your Letters

16:13 UK time, Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Could robots really be viewed as conscious? ask them, if they answer then that could be a strong yes.
Adam Opinicus Walker @BBC News Magazine

Although I sympathise and agree that this should probably be preserved, surely there is still a huge income being generated from Dahl's highly successful novels? Not only that, his granddaughter Sophie is a successful model and tv cook/writer, married to musician Jamie Cullum. Need I say more?
Fi, Gloucestershire, UK

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but aren't the people in this article shooting themselves in the foot by moving to a 'radio-free' zone that is only designated as such so that signals don't interfere with the masses of *radio* telescopes in the area?!
Sarah, Coventry

Re: Cats that glow in the dark. It's amusing that in the pictures the cat's eyes are the only bit's you can't see.
MCK, Stevenage

Howard (Monday's Letters), unfortunately, I do! Completely ashamed of myself.
Lyndsey, Leicester

In answer to Martin Comer (Monday's Letters), the mother didn`t get a choice, it was her interfering mother-in-law who named the baby! I`m not surprised she looked miserable.
Tara, London, England

Popular Elsewhere

15:27 UK time, Tuesday, 13 September 2011

A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

The most intriguing headline comes from a popular Wall Street Journal article: how to negotiate your salary like an FBI agent. The next question must surely be: do FBI agents get paid well? This isn't covered in the piece. What is suggested is you treat your salary negotiation like you are a hostage negotiator.

"So let's say the HR person says, 'We think you're a great fit for the job, and we'd like to offer you a starting salary of $75,000.' Say something like: 'I see. So you're saying that the salary for this position would be $75,000.' Then be silent.
"In doing so, you've listened attentively, paraphrased what the interviewer has said, mirrored back the last few words, and left an effective pause in the conversation to allow the interviewer to fill the gap. Most people hate awkward silence in conversation, and will rush to fill it, and what can happen in this scenario is they fill it with a higher offer."

Alternatively they just reply "yes".

How Google Translate works may surprise you. The answer is drawing in Independent readers. It uses the reams of text where there are translations side by side - from EU or UN conferences to crime novels. So it is based on already millions of hours of human translators' work. But the article goes one further, saying it is better than a human translator because the article concedes that the automatic translator may "serve up the odd batch of nonsense" but at least you can tell from a mile off when it is doing so.

Like when we translated "serving the odd batch of nonsense" into a few languages and back to English to get "serving the mess fringe". Whereas a human translator may have changed that to at least make sure it makes sense, even if it loses its meaning.

While machines are translating languages, Discover readers are clicking on a story which says machines have been developed which can invent their own language. The piece says "the bots can coin words to describe places they have been, places they want to go, and plans for getting there." But it may be a while before their language can be translated on Google Translate - the "Lingobots" so far are just communicating in beeps.

And finally, readers are appreciating a Daily Mail headline. A story about coins being wedged into trees starts "Who says money doesn't grow on trees?" Well, the article does, actually. It explains the coins mysteriously appearing in trunks are thought to be put there by passers by hoping to be rewarded with good luck.

Paper Monitor

13:54 UK time, Tuesday, 13 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

There are people who always try and avoid being judgemental, lest they be judged. Those people do not become newspaper columnists.

The art of being a columnist is going into your glass house, building a mangonel and firing through the roof. Columnists really don't care what you think about them.

Vanessa Feltz is doing some judging today in the Daily Express. She steams into Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' childcare techniques, namely the way they dress their five-year-old.

"She's lamb dressed as mutton, a child adorned like a wealthy middle-aged woman."

Right, OK. And then there's some more judgement on Victoria Beckham, pictured yesterday wearing extremely high stiletto heels while carrying her baby.

Some might think that despite the alarming look of the photos, La Beckham is fairly confident she's not going to fall and hurt the baby. Not Feltz.

"She puts her baby in danger of being fallen on or hurled into the air should she trip. Not pretty, not sexy, not attractive in the least."


But it's not just a question of judging, you also have to give details about your innermost thoughts to be a columnist.

Take Coleen Nolan's problem column in the Daily Mirror.

One correspondent writes that he has always had a thing for a nurse's uniform but fears his partner will break up with him.

She replies: "My husband Ray loves a uniform and that just came out when we were watching telly one night, so then I was able to ask him more about it."

Er, thanks for that.

Your Letters

15:46 UK time, Monday, 12 September 2011

How difficult is David Walliams' Thames swim? Twice as difficult as he expected?
Ian Roberts @BBC News Magazine

"Ex-Tory peer Lord Hanningfield freed from jail early" - this bothers me somewhat. How come "everybody was doing it" is considered a mitigating circumstance for Lords stealing £14k, but an aggravating circumstance for oiks stealing water (in a riot).
Andrew, Malvern, UK

Judging by the picture, it seems mum lost the coin toss on who names the baby.
Martin Comer, London UK

"Cats ...have been genetically modified to glow in the dark". Funded, no doubt, by a research charity set up by mice.
Mark, Reading

From being able to see in the dark to being seen in the dark!
K Morrison, Lowestoft

Dear Paper Monitor, Can I just say - with some pride I hasten to add - that I have read your run down of today's press several times now and still haven't got a clue what you're on about.
Howard, London, UK

I've always loved the sound of the wind and there's quite a bit of it about today. But the sound seems to come in two levels a high pitched "shuffing" noise as it blows through the leaves and a much lower pitched rumble. Does anybody know what causes this rumble. It doesn't seem to be linked to the movement of the trees.
Ian, Redditch

Popular Elsewhere

14:07 UK time, Monday, 12 September 2011

 A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.


Time headline

 Time readers are drawn to a guide on how to survive a catastrophe. One survivor quoted in the article is Kent Harstedt who survived when, in 1994, the ferry he was on sunk in the Baltic Sea. He witnessed something strange about the other passengers' reactions. "Entire groups seemed to be immobilized. They were conscious, but they were not reacting."

The article says surprisingly this actually isn't that unusual. "Crowds generally become quiet and docile. Panic is rare. The bigger problem is that people do too little, too slowly. They sometimes shut down completely, falling into a stupor. " So, the piece concludes, panic can be good for you.

Guardian headline 
From how to survive a catastrophe, Guardian readers are finding out how to predict one. Or not, as Charlie Brooker hints. He's not convinced by the claim that a new supercomputer, Nautilus, will be able to predict future revolutions. For one thing, the proof seems to be that after ingesting news articles the computer predicted the Arab Spring and Osama Bin Laden's whereabouts. Only the computer predicted the events after they happened. But that's not all. Brooker points out that the machine works by spotting the frequency of emotive words like "terrible" and "awful" in news articles, then cross-references them geographically.

Brooker points out some interesting anomalies are sure to crop up. "It probably believes the British public is on the verge of violently overthrowing Jedward, whereas the reality, as we all know, is that the beloved Jedwardian Era shows no signs of abating."

New York Times headline

The buzzword of the moment is "authenticity" according to a well hit New York Times article. It says the word is rolling off the tongues of celebrities, web gurus and politicians. Even the Vatican has weighed in. The paper points out "In a June statement entitled 'Truth, Proclamation and Authenticity of Life in the Digital Age,' Pope Benedict XVI said that increasing involvement in online life 'inevitably poses questions not only of how to act properly, but also about the authenticity of one's own being.'"

But there's a twist. The more people shout about how true to themselves they are being, the bigger the demand for at least an acknowledgment of artifice. Honestly.

Daily Beast headline 

And one person who has confessed to not being authentic about her intentions was Nancy Upton when she entered a fashion chain's competition for a plus-size model. She explains in a popular Daily Beast article that she entered American Apparel's plus-size model contest as a joke.

Upton took part as a form of protest against what she sees as the tone the company was speaking to women in larger sizes, who it had previously said weren't their target audience. She sent in photographs of her "bathing in salad dressing, chugging down chocolate sauce, and Hoovering fried chicken". But the part she didn't predict was that she would go on to win which she said "shocked me nearly as much as the crudity of the whole campaign itself".

Paper Monitor

12:26 UK time, Monday, 12 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Occasionally, Paper Monitor likes to bring you a flavour of the celebrity news from the tabs. Of course, we would never do anything so vulgar as to name the individuals involved.

The Sun is the first port-of-call in these matters. They report on the Canadian teenage pop star and his plans to be a dad by 25, as well as the Amazonian socialite, daughter of a diminutive sporting billionaire, who is getting a £1m bath from the Amazon.

The one who wears startling costumes is shown wearing a diaphanous dress which is apparently a look copied from the one from Liverpool who goes out with the very tall former England striker.

Lots of papers have bikini shots of the one from the TV talent show who is also in an urban music band. One of the band is her boyfriend and he was supposedly involved in an altercation at a scooter shop.

The Daily Express devotes all of page three to high heels. The one whose nickname alluded to her high social status is shown "teetering" on monster stilettos while holding her new baby. By the next paragraph she is "confidently crossing the street in seemingly treacherous boots".

Make your mind up.

On the same page the Welsh singer whose speciality is opera - rather than the other Welsh singer whose speciality is alcopopera - is seen getting out of a car with six-inch stilettos.

Further into the Express we're treated to the revelation that the one with the red hair - whose hourglass figure is billed by papers as the essence of "real woman" beauty - is a fan of milking cows.

Over in the Daily Star we find out that Las Vegas has had a visit from the one whose relationship with a wing wizard proved to be the greatest battle over privacy since the invention of curtains.

Finally, in the Daily Mail, there's the bombshell that the one who is now more famous than her posterior is taking security advice.

BBC © 2014 The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.

This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.