A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Is anyone else feeling like Paper Monitor this morning... a little hung over?
But it is not excess food, alcohol or - for those of you with mischievously suspicious minds - recreational drugs that are causing Paper Monitor's brain cells to seize up.
No, severe data overdose in the wake of yesterday's Spending Review is to blame for this headache.
And this morning's papers aren't helping.
The Daily Mail promises an "indispensable guide to the cuts", the Times offers a pullout guide and the Guardian provides something similar, snappily titled "Comprehensive spending review 2010" in a masthead of doom-laden grey.
Each struggles manfully to tell us who are the winners and losers.
Winners seem a bit thin on the ground, though the Guardian identifies bankers, schools, science, older people and, erm, dinky couples. (Dual income, no kids yet).
The Times identifies middle income families, single parents, the long-term sick and young adults in its roll call of losers, while several papers note it's bad news for the Queen.
Meanwhile, the Telegraph goes through household income band-by-band, before declaring: "Everyone's a loser".
But Paper Monitor's throbbing brow is soothed somewhat by some of the delightful juxtapositions on this grim day.
The fact the Times's cuts pullout is contained within its foodie supplement, Table, contrives to place its front page opposite a piece highlighting the merits of white chocolate and green tea.
The writer claims that white chocolate's reputation as being "mawkishly sweet... like an embarrassing aunt who's overdone it on the Tweed," is unfair:
White chocolate paired with antioxidant-rich matcha green tea is more like an aunt in wasabi-green Issey Miyake than a chiffon floral two-piece.
The combination has been used in "tiramisu, a sauce for salmon and a box of rather pricey truffles I bought from a chocolatier", it continues.
Nice to see someone - and their aunt - are doing well, considers Paper Monitor.
The Daily Express's front page reports how a "furious backlash" is growing against the government's decision to protect the overseas aid budget.
"If Britain is so broke," it declares, the "foreign aid bill must be cut too".
This alongside a photograph of Katrin Radmacher the "£100m heiress" who has won a court battle to have her pre-nuptial agreement upheld.
But Paper Monitor's favourite is the Daily Star's splash about Wayne Rooney's "terror" after receiving death threats from Manchester United fans angered by his transfer request.
The tale of "fans fury at £2m a month demand" relegates news of the chancellor's "£7bn off welfare" to two short paragraphs on the left-hand side, with the rest buried on page 9.
Paper Monitor still doesn't understand the effect of the cuts but is left wondering: are we really all in this together?