A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It dominates the front pages, liberally plastered with the word "exclusive". There are teasing taglines aplenty, inviting the reader to delve into "full sensational story inside". And inside, there are lavish illustrations and pull-out quotes aplenty.
Yes, the tabloids have a rival story to Expensesgate - Katie Price and Peter Andre have, sadly, called time on their fairytale romance after half a glorious decade. In celebrity years, that's like splitting up on your diamond anniversary.
As together they have forged a beautiful singing career, Paper Monitor is off down the bookies for a flutter on who will now cover D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
The Daily Mirror runs a transcript of their "explosive final row", an unedifying exchange conducted in the presence of a Hollywood shop assistant and a reality TV crew over whether said assistant recognises Katie or Peter. (Neither, it seems.)
In starring out their insults, the Mirror apparently spells Katie's deployment of the c-word with a k. Twice.*
And the Mirror's 3am girl Clemmie Moodie, who ran the London marathon with the couple last month, says she never saw it coming. "Not since being informed the Easter Bunny didn't exist have I been so disillusioned... I hope the split is just a temporary blip. Otherwise I really will feel like a mug." Reading between the lines, does this suggest a showbiz reporter who has very recently been carpeted by her editor?
The Sun also labels the split as an exclusive, claiming its pics of Katie clubbing with a "mystery fella" (who sports a Ferris Bueller hairstyle, checked shirt and sensible tanktop) made "Pete snap".
The Daily Star, too, claims it carries the "full exclusive story", and reprints the snaps of Katie with Tanktop Man.
Meanwhile, back to Expensesgate. The Daily Telegraph knows God is in the detail, and what details. Moat clearance. Helipads. And the titbit that one of the Tories who claimed for his swimming pool is married to a national newspaper journo, Sarah O'Grady. She's property correspondent for the Daily Express, and today offers a sunny outlook for the housing market.
*Incidentally, the Star's transcript of Pete 'n' Katie's row proves the Mirror is correct with its k****. Sorry about that.