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Paper Monitor

12:07 UK time, Tuesday, 18 March 2008

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Something bad happened in the financial world yesterday. Something very bad.

What else could be signified by the slew of pictures of men in faintly ridiculous blazers looking, well, a little bit peaky. It’s a phenomenon that has been noted in this parish before.

In the Daily Telegraph business section, there’s a man with a straggly mullet gazing in numb horror accompanied by a friend in a bi-pastel jacket in shades known as Bridesmaid Dress Peach and Stale Lemon Curd.

On the front of the Financial Times there’s a pained-looking man adopting the Rocky-on-the-steps pose while a red graph hovers menacing over his head like a rather squiggly pterodactyl.

You can’t even escape it in the red tops. In the Daily Mirror a German trader with carefully sculpted beard screws his eyes shut in a constipated manner.

In the Daily Star, Lucy Pinder has a diagram of the markets’ fluctuation over her sweeping décolletage. Er, well, not really. The Star has long gone for totally straight bikini-free business news and today is no different.


Paper Monitor must acknowledge the end of Mills McCartney divorce battle yesterday.

First, we must pay tribute to Fiona Shackleton, lawyer for Sir Paul, who allegedly had a glass of water poured over her. In the before photo she looks like Farrah Fawcett’s long lost sister. But after the bouffanticide of the water attack, she actually looks better. Ten years younger in fact.

Secondly we must make a heartfelt plea. Subs of the world of newspapers, you have had your fun. The BBC knows it has offended too, but the Beatles “puns” must stop now. It is over.

There will be no more “WET IT BE” or “THE LONG AND WHINING MOAN”. You have been warned.

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