How can Scotland defeat the Italians?
The Italians have always scared me. And how do you think we can beat them at the weekend? Come on - tactics, my friends?
I had to interview Martin Castrogiovanni live on TV once as man of the match. He pretended he couldn't speak English for the duration of the interview after the Italians had beaten Scotland in 2000 and we had an interpreter.
But then I handed him the champagne. "Thank you very much," he said in perfect English and with a wink. "I will drink this tonight." Bad boy.
Italy's Martin Castrogiovanni typifies the formidable challenge Scotland face
But back to my Roman fear. Latin, for instance, was a chore at school - sinister, dexter and all that stuff. Get it wrong and the belt came crashing down on outstretched hands.
What do you mean you never had the belt?!
But boy, oh boy were we happy as Scots to know that the furthest north the Romans made it in the UK was a rather rich suburb of Glasgow called Bearsden.
They built the Antonine Wall and thought: "That's enough, let's go home, we can't take any more midges, these quaint delicatessens or those posh accents."
To think they ran amok through the length of England with nary a challenge.
And though it is invasion in reverse this weekend, with a few folk from Bearsden running amok in Rome, the Italians have done enough to earn respect in rugby terms.
Let's look at Italian rugby. The Scottish scrummaging coach, Massimo Cuttita, is Italian (via South Africa). They have over 60,000 registered rugby players in Italy, which is around double the number in Scotland.
They have a league of 10 professional teams while we have two, and reports say that they are about to enter the Magners League. Which is good.
I argued a while ago that Italy should not have been allowed into the then Five Nations. How wrong can a man be? They will turn this championship upside down within 10 years and they will challenge for the top.
Why? Well, they will always be able to produce a pool of talent from Antipodeans and Argentinians who qualify to represent them and I think they will produce more and more quality players themselves.
The three keys to this game this weekend for Scotland will be the set pieces of scrums and line-outs, physicality at breakdowns including mauls, and how the Scots use possession through Dan Parks.
My guess, and it's only a guess, is that Scotland won't change much and will take the good bits of Cardiff with them, and at stages in the game will have to prove they want to take part in an arm wrestle.
You can't run away form the opposition's strength. Expect to see the Scots maul occasionally but keep that pattern of running off Dan Parks and using his boot to get out of danger.
But, trust me on this, the most important two pieces of this game are mental attitude and the scrum. If Scotland turn up at 75% and the scrum creaks, they will lose. If they are 100% on their game and the scrum is solid, they will win.
Now, let's march. Sinister... Sinister...Sinister, Dexter, Sinister.
We can't build a wall, so, if you were Scotland coach, what would your tactics be?