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Thirty jam doughnuts and two Skrtel doves

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Dan Walker | 11:07 UK time, Thursday, 16 December 2010

Bonjour comrades and merriments of the season to one and all! In time honoured tradition, I thought I'd give you a little insight into last Saturday's show from Villa Park.

I'll be honest, I was a bit worried ahead of the programme because Villa were on a dire run of form and manager Gerard Houllier was getting grief from the fans for what he said and did when his side side lost 3-0 to Liverpool at Anfield on Monday night. Thankfully, the club were happy to play ball and gave us great access to the stadium.

My great Midlands adventure started on Wednesday, when I travelled up to film the opening, which you can watch again by taking a look at the online version here...

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The producer for the shoot was Welsh legend Dave 'Mad Dog' Purchase. Dave has a reputation as a brilliant film-maker but doesn't work like most humans. I half expected to turn up at Aston University's sports ground to find a hot air balloon, a flock of geese and some plastic explosives. I discovered Dave with 30 jam doughnuts. His plan was to use the food as a bargaining chip to get the university's rugby and football teams out of bed before midday and down on the snow-covered pitch.

Villa were formed back in 1874, when members of a local church cricket team wanted something to do in the winter. They settled on a football team and their first game was against a rugby side, a contest that devoted one half to each sport. We planned to recreate that moment for the Football Focus cameras.

They were all top lads and shivered for a good 30 minutes while we did our fancy telly stuff. I have to say, though, that the rugby team's defensive formation was a little wayward during the football. They seemed to position everyone in the six-yard box and rely purely on intimidation, which worked, rather worryingly.

villa595snow.jpgThe football and rugby boys from Aston University pose for the camera

Once we waved goodbye to the doughnut-eaters, the rest of the shoot was relatively straightforward. We went to the church where it all began for Villa and then popped down to the ground to film various little links to chuck in here and there.

Producer Dave is seriously old-school when he composes a shot, even crouching on occasions to pull out the finger picture-frame. It's a bit like working with Francis Ford Coppola. Sadly, we had to cut the bit where I hacked a water-buffalo with a machete on the stairs of the Holte End. I'm kidding, animal lovers!

When we go on the road, we try to take the time to publicise the show as much as possible. Last week, we went into overdrive. We promoted it during BBC Two's live game at QPR on Friday night and on BBC Breakfast on Saturday morning. I also appeared on BBC WM's breakfast show and Midlands Today, while Mark Lawrenson did the local BBC Friday football phone-in and Martin Keown popped up in the Birmingham Post.

My only regret was boldly predicting the results of the Villa v West Brom and Wolves v Birmingham games on Midlands Today. Lawro texted me immediately to suggest I was an idiot. He was right... I got them both wrong.

We had one slight hiccup on Saturday morning. I was desperate for the toilet 15 minutes before we went on air. The only one close enough belonged to Houllier. Thankfully, the steward was kind enough to let me use it... I don't think I could have survived until 1pm.

The show itself went smoothly and I thought Dion Dublin and Cyrille Regis were great guests. John Motson put some tough questions to Villa chief executive Paul Faulkner and the "Football Focus does Question Time" section went down well. In the future, we might try a show in front of a live audience. If you would be up for that, let me know.

This week, we return to the sanctity of the studio, where Lawro and Lee Dixon will be joined by Dennis Wise. I'm sure one or two of you will have a question for him. Garth Crooks has been to see Joe Hart this week and I'm speaking to Alan Pardew. There is also one other signifcant interview we hope comes off. Finally, we'll have a special report from the Brighton and Notts County game, which takes place on Friday night, and look at the plans to change the face of Scottish football.

Last week, I said there would be no more random football teams on here but I will sign off for 2010 with a Festive XI from Twitter (see below). And don't forget to add your questions for Wise and any other comments you might have below. As always, you can follow the show at Merry Christmas!

Festive XI:

Edwin Van Der Star
Rory Delapland
Two Skrtle Doves
Johan Djorousalem
Bacary Santa
Wayne Sproutledge
5 Torsten Frings
Frankinsence Lampard
Aruna Dindane Merrily On High
Ruud Van Christmas Joy
Chris Iweluminations

Cracker Hislop
Tiny Tim Cahill
Dennis Wisemen
David EggNog


  • Comment number 1.

    Terrible Festive 11, cringeworthy!

  • Comment number 2.

    Is the significant interview with Andy Connor to find out more about the man behind the madness?

    I bet Alan Pardew was relieved to get off to such a good start last weekend. If they had been rolled over in that one, I reckon he might have copped quite a bit of flak. I reckon their supporters may be fairly sympathetic towards him in so far as I think they all realise that the man responsible for the unrest is of course Mike Ashley. Pardew doesn't have the most stellar record in the Premier League/Ship so he'll have some work to do to prove that he can do better than Chris Hughton may or may not have done.

    I think Pardew may be making an error if he starts trying to bring in some of his old Southampton players, like Lambert though. The supporters would be entitled to wonder why he isn't bringing in players from the Premier League, or another top division elsewhere in Europe. I can't imagine Lambert doing any better than Andy Carroll.

    It'll be interesting to see how it all pans out.

    King Herod

  • Comment number 3.

    No Holly Gunnar Solskjaer?

  • Comment number 4.

    No room for Roque Santa Claus or Santa Claus Jorgensen at the inn?

    How about Ruudolf Van Nistelrooy? Jesus Navas?

  • Comment number 5.

    Is it true that Festive XI are considering bolstering their squad with a swoop for John O'Sleigh in January?

    The Venky's Group

  • Comment number 6. long did it take for you to come up with this nonsense dan ?

  • Comment number 7.

    I thought that the 'question time' feature on Saturday was a nice touch. Really think Dion should have answered the headbutt question though!

    Dan, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that I'm currently enjoying a turkey, cranberry and lettuce sandwich on granary from the staff canteen. The festive season is well under way here!

  • Comment number 8.

    Loved the festive eleven, do they player for Queens Park Mangers?

    Eddie McGOLDrick
    Frankinsence Lampard
    Paul MYRRHson

  • Comment number 9.

    How about Graeme Le Snow?

  • Comment number 10.

    Cheers Dan,

    Will you ask Dennis Wise the following question:

    Which was better, the scoring in the San Siro and the champions league run of 2000, or winning (what's seen as lesser) the Cup Winners Cup in 1998.

    The former charlton striker Martin Cringle.
    Santa Claus Thomsen
    Danny (insert christmas before each one:) Cardamarkettree
    John Arne Wreathse

    Johnny Utah

  • Comment number 11.

    whoops, sorry repetition of the Lampard one, apologies one and all

  • Comment number 12.

    Squad players: Andy Christmas Carol, Sleigh Parlour, Lee Vixen,

    Manager: Sammy Tree

    Chairman: Randy Myrrhner

    Club: Turkey United

    Julian Assange

  • Comment number 13.

    Some transfer targets for the Festive X1

    Kubilay TURKEYilmaz - Swiss striker
    Roque SANTA Cruz - How did you miss him Dan?
    Dennis WISE MAN - In your studio!
    Marlon and Ledley - Two of the three KINGS. Someone please think of a 3rd!

    Manager Ian HOLLYway - perhaps they could line up in the CHRISTMAS TREE formation.

  • Comment number 14.

    Managed by Steve Spruce with the following January transfer targets:

    Pepe Reindeer - Goalkeeper
    Danny Elves - Right Back
    Steven Pine-ar - Midfield

  • Comment number 15.

    Dan, Xmas line up is a good all round effort.. '5 Torsten Frings' is a travesty of an entry though..

    Mauroshampoo... I am with you.. this is my favourite time of year not for any other reason other than I can test all the different offerings of the Christmas Sandwich from establishments.. last years winner being from the artist formerly known as Safeway

  • Comment number 16.

    How did you miss Kiki "Chris" Musampa.

  • Comment number 17.

    Could you ask Mr Wise if he plans to get back into management? I'm a Swindon Town supporter and can remember how annoyed I was when he and Gus Poyet left us after making a brilliant unbeaten start to the 2006-07 season. But then in came Ken Bates with the big-time offer at Leeds and I don't think Wise even bothered to clear his desk.

    Good blog, Dan.

    Ruudolph Gullit

  • Comment number 18.

    Why have you brought me soup? Did I ask for soup? No.

    I asked "what is the soup" and you said "Pea soup" and I said "thats not really my cup of tea" remember?

    Where are you going?

    I cant believe he just walked off.

    I swear if he comes back with a cup of tea I am leaving, I dont care how well suited the lighting is.

    Dan have you bought a new scarf for this winter?

    Anyway this is for you all

    feel free to join in

    Christmas time, Mistletoe and wine, children singing christian rhyme..

    Harry Webb

  • Comment number 19.

    Full and frank episodes of 'Football Focus does Question Time' sounds fantastic as an extra programme not a replacement - continue to ask the tough questions we all want answers to 'try not to kiss arse but kick it' as U2's Bono once eloquently said.

    Monsieur Houllier's toilet probably didn't smell too great given Villa's current form before you used it? Hope there were some nice Villa towels to wipe your hands on ;(

    Good to see you've got a 'Wise' man on the show, ask him what he thought of Freddy 'Shephard' and if he thought Kevin Keegan really was the 'Messiah' all Geordie's thought he was?

    Glæd Geol and Gesælig Niw Gear

  • Comment number 20.

    Afternoon all.

    Don't get miffed by the Festive XI - it's just a bit of light hearted fun.  I know it's a little cringeworthy #1 but we need some cringe at Christmas.

    Hengispod #6 are you talking about the blog or the team?  Both were months in the making!

    Mauroshampoo #7 great food news.  Inspirational.

    Shortly arriving in Newcastle.  Pardew awaits.  Hopefully we'll get out before the snow comes back to bite us.

    See you soon.

    Uncle Bulgaria.

  • Comment number 21.

    Why no space in the team for Kris Musampa?? Shocking!

  • Comment number 22.

    Richie Partridge-in-a-pear-tree

    and really showing my age : Chris Garland

  • Comment number 23.

    I enjoyed the show from Villa Park - it's a fantastic ground, the best and most historic in the UK by a long shot. The Home of Football it rightfully is.

    In your preamble, Dan, you mentioned how Villa were one of the founding teams of the Football League. This is not strictly true. You would have been on the mark if you had said that Villa were THE founding father of the League and saw fit to invite certain other clubs to join up, however. To lump Villa in as "one of the founding members" does them a huge disservice and massively underplays their historic position as THE club that gave the world league football. (You nearly corrected this mistake when you pointed out the McGregor Statue and very briefly explained who he was.)

    As I say, it was a great show. Perhaps an idea for a future edition would be to do a special on William McGregor himself? If it wasn't for him there would be no football today as we know it - before he came up with the league system, cup football had been dying a bit of a slow and chaotic death. If there had been no McGregor and no Aston Villa F.C. there would have be no Premier League and no Football Focus to talk of!

    It's astonishing that you have not yet devoted a programme to perhaps the most important historical figure in the development of the world's game. Please make it a New Year's resolution to put that right. Keep up the great work.

  • Comment number 24.


    To complete the three kings, there is Andy King of Leicester.

  • Comment number 25.

    Surely the obvious one is 'Roque Santa Claus'?

  • Comment number 26.

    Fun and interesting read as always Dan, particularly loving the return of the XI in it's festive guise. Any idea when you're going to return in the new year, or is this blog going to go the way of the Quotes of the Week section?

    On the live audience suggestion I think it's a cracking idea, you could get a bit of banter going with them or get them to suggest topics for that thingummy you spend a minute on each topic.

    Yours festively,

    Tugay Kerimigloo.

    ps. I learnt a new word yesterday. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - meaning the fear of long words.

  • Comment number 27.

    Got to have the former Man City loanee

    Chris(t) Mas hamper

    GIFTon NOEL Williams - ex Watford

    good bit of fun - cheers for the blog Dan

  • Comment number 28.

    #26 it would be a great shame if this blog did go the way of the dodo, Blakes 7, Noel's House Party, Dempsey and Makepeace, and Quotes of the Week, but I'm sure he just meant the final one of the year.

    #20 will there be a Football Focus at some point next weekend?

    Eddie Large

  • Comment number 29.

    ok Dan you asked for it!
    what a way to waste an afternoon - - - thanks ;-)

    & I'm sure this version can be bettered ....

    On the twelfth day of Christmas
    My true love sent to me
    Twelve Gunners gurning
    Eleven strikers shooting
    Ten scored and leaping
    Nine Bradys chipping
    Eight Blades a-blazing
    Seven Grecians playing
    Sick Swans a-swearing
    Five Torsten Frings
    Four David Herds
    Three French Henrys
    Two Skrtel doves
    And Ritchie Partridge-in-a-pear-tree

  • Comment number 30.

    Paul Mince
    Nile Mainger

  • Comment number 31.

    #18 nice to have you appearing early today. You've maintained the quality this season, and hope it continues into the New Year.

    Here's hoping Chelsea and Manchester United draw this weekend, and that Arsenal pummel Stoke City. Although it was particularly disappointing to see Arsenal yet again fail to beat one of the other big teams, it wasn't as bad as some of the other more recent defeats. The fact is that there was a fairly hefty slice of luck involved in the goal, and United didn't really create much more overall than Arsenal in the grand scheme of things.

    Arsenal weren't great - I don't know how much the pitch really contributed to that as Arsenal haven't been good in the last two or three European matches either. They do need to maximise the opportunities laid in front of them this season, and win something. Chelsea have been on a fairly long run of bad results, and United have rarely been on top form either.

    Manchester City won't have a chance in the league unless they keep Tevez on the pitch. He's their most reliable goalscorer, despite all the talent and money at their disposal. Yaya Toure however is providing an unexpected bonus with his goals of late though.

    Tottenham concede too many goals to be genuinely in with a chance, despite the many excellent goals they score themselves. Newcastle proved that you can get close without winning the cigar on a great attack, but without a good defence, you'll never stand on the top of the podium.

    Brian Cant

  • Comment number 32.

    After hours of deliberation, I finally have my top three:

    1. Ryan Bauble
    2. Pepe Reindeer
    3. Kevin-Mince Boateng

  • Comment number 33.

    Dan man,
    I had to laugh when I read,
    "Producer Dave is seriously old-school... It's a bit like working with Francis Ford Coppola."
    When, pray tell, have you worked with Coppola!!! Christmas wishes me thinks.

    Mind you I was laughing when I read the score card for the first day's play in Perth. How sweet is that.

    #1 King's PR was right in his assessment of your puns. Dreadful, I gave up after the 5th or 6th name.

    Pleasse could you ask Mr. Wise what he considers to be a good start for an EPL team just promoted from the Championship. I think Blackpool & WBA have had an outstanding first half of the season.
    Also do you have any insight into Big Sam's sacking at Blackburn? OK, Bolton have had a dream first half of the season, as have Blackpool and WBA- But Allardyce & co were thirteenth which is Ok for the midpoint.

  • Comment number 34.

    That Festive XI is awsome! 5 Torsten Frings is the work of a genius!

    Gordon McQueen's Speach
    Dexter BlackStocking Filler
    Prince Bauble (Prince Bauben - Dundee Utd midfielder)

    Ian Holloway in a Manger

    Mitch Buchanan

  • Comment number 35.

    I have to echo the comment that Roque Santa Cruz is a big omission. My contribution to the Christmas XI would be:

    Henrik LarssonofGod

    It's awful. I know.

  • Comment number 36.

    @ 24 Boromad

    Thank you! I have spent the last hour trying to think of that extra King!

  • Comment number 37.

    #35 in my opinion Roque Santa Cruz represents lazy naming, as does Rudolph Van Nistelroy.

    some more reindeer inspired suggestions

    Landon Donner-van
    Bolo Blitzen-den
    Vixen Anichebe
    Kevin Prancer Boateng

    Noel Edmunds

  • Comment number 38.

    Great shot of the sportsground at Aston. Takes me back 30 years when Wednesday afternoons were a perfunctory 90 minutes followed by a good lashing in the bar(as compared to rioting in London nowadays). I remember Walsall used to train there in those days and those boys could knock back the pints of Brew XI.

  • Comment number 39.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 40.

    Don't stop the random XI's Dan, dagnammit, they're the best bit!!

    Room for Kevin Mince-Pieateng?

    Keep up the good work.

    Bob Carolgees

  • Comment number 41.

    Andy Christmas Carroll?

  • Comment number 42.

    Great article Dan, nice to see you guys tracing the origins of a club (I apologise if its been mentioned) but will you go round each Premier League club? If so, tell me when you get the mighty Sunderland? ;)

    Question for Dennis Wise: What does he think of his old pal Gus Poyet and how he's doing at Brighton? If he's out of a job would he contemplate being his assistant? That'll be a odd turnaround...

    I'm sorry I enjoy your fantasy XI's but I lack the imagination to get into it.... has Santa Claus Cruz been said? (see?) ;)

    Chuck Norris

  • Comment number 43.

    Going with a Villa theme..........
    Juan Pablo Angel (on top of the tree)
    Angel Gabriel Agbonlahor
    Martinsel O'Neil
    Nigel Reo Snow-ker
    Carlos Cracker

    Darius Danesh

  • Comment number 44.

    We three kings of Leyton Orient are...

    Jason Euell Log

    Andy Grinch-cliffe

    Shane Higgs in Blankets

  • Comment number 45.


    Carlos Cracker is downright terrible. Don't try too hard, the best ones will find you!

  • Comment number 46.


    Perhaps you could ask Dennis Wise if he took a London Cab to get there?........

  • Comment number 47.

    Ask Dennis Wise if he's got any idea why he was picked to play for England. There are many who don't have a clue.

  • Comment number 48.

    A Wayne a manger Rooney
    Brian Kidd in a stable
    John Terry's chocolate orange (only time of year you get them)
    NOEL Wheelan

  • Comment number 49.

    Ah b*llocks Jason Euell-log is great

  • Comment number 50.

    Can't believe no-one's mentioned the ex-Southampton winger...

    Marian Paharsnips.......

    ***COAT*** ***GET***

  • Comment number 51.

    I think you need the goalscoring exploits of Diego Mistleltolito to liven things up in attack.

    I'll get my coat....


    Bing Crosby

  • Comment number 52.

    Apparently with all their new found wealth in the Championship, Queen's Speech Rangers are gonna buy most of these players.

    ... what? Don't look at me like that!

    The Bethlehem Hotel Agency.

  • Comment number 53.



    As previously stated, the best ones will find you...

  • Comment number 54.

    Wayne Scroogney
    Nigel Reo-Cracker.
    Obafemi Martinsel.

    Ok, I'll give it a rest now. Promise... Great blog by the way.

    Ricky Ponting.

  • Comment number 55.

    Evening all. Good to see Mr Pardew again. Should make for an interesting watch on Saturday.

    What have we got here then?

    McGrath #5 I see where you're coming from. Perhaps a man deserving of fine detail work rather than the broad brush strokes we have him.

    Some have mentioned Roque Santa Cruz but it's just a bit too obvious.

    Rob etc #26 don't worry it's only a couple of week's off. I'll be back! Great word partner.

    Stringfellow Hawke #28 there will be one this week. Nothing on Christmas Day and then back on New Year's Day.

    IUTBDBNID #32 thanks for sharing

    Tripefc #38 happy days

    SAFCJimbo #42 it's on the plan chief. We will get round everywhere but it might take a while.

    PauloRossiJohnson #50 genuinely made me snigger that one.

    Keep those suggestions coming. Thanks for all your comments... not just this week but throughout the year. Hopefully you've enjoyed it.

    Thanks for the Dennis Wise questions too. Not sure how many i can use though!

    See you soon

    Gus Poyet

  • Comment number 56.

    B-russel (sprouts) Slade. Bit of a double whammy there!

    Afraid I've no idea where he's managing nowadays.

    Buddy the Elf

  • Comment number 57.

    Surely you would have to have Sleigh Given in goal, Paul KoncheSKI at the back and keeping people warm in the middle would be Scott PARKA

  • Comment number 58.

    Andy 'Carroll'? don't even have to change his name!
    And on the Skrtel note have a read of our blog looking at Lucas Leiva!

  • Comment number 59.

    Good blog as always Dan, keep up the good work! Loved you festive XI and I definitely think you should continue with it.
    -Djibril Cissleligh

    The Witch-King of Minas-Morgul

  • Comment number 60.

    Ed Van Stijnsel
    Yıldıray Baştürkey
    Michael SnowBall
    Klaas-Jan Antelaar
    Gareth Baubale
    Fabian Elf
    Midnight Massimo Ambrosini
    Nigel Winterburn
    No room at the Ince

  • Comment number 61.

    "McGrath #5 I see where you're coming from. Perhaps a man deserving of fine detail work rather than the broad brush strokes we have him."

    Most definitely, Dan. Most definitely. McGregor saved football and made it the most popular sport in the world. We take it for granted that our clubs play and compete in leagues home and away season after season...this is the man who gave the world this incredible form of competition. A true visionary.

    A Football Focus special on William McGregor is long, long, long overdue!!

  • Comment number 62.

    Brillant start to FF last week. Really enjoyed Dion Dublin on the forum. Bit of a header, but a straight talker who I could listen to.

    What about getting random blokes from your blogs/twitter to submitt their PL predictions to run alongside Lawro's! MAy take off, but then again may embarass Lawro at the end of the season!!

    We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


  • Comment number 63.

    Sir Alex Burgerson

  • Comment number 64.

    Byron Snowsworthy
    Marc Overmass?

    They are both terrible.

  • Comment number 65.

    My Favourites so far...

    Jason Euell Log (Pure Gold! I cannot commend this enough...!)
    Marian Paharsnips
    Gordon McQueen's Speech

  • Comment number 66.

    How about Jermaine Easter-eggs will be in the shops in a week or so?

  • Comment number 67.

    BethLiam Rosenior
    Chris 'No room at the' Innes
    George Weah in a manger
    ROBIN Van Persie
    Paul M-Ince Pie

    And they all need a club to play for.....*drumroll*......

    Walking in a Winter Sunderland.

    These are cringeworthy. My humblest apologies.

  • Comment number 68.

    Sylvan Ebanks-Snow-Flake

  • Comment number 69.

    Myself and a fellow poster on another football forum came up with this absolute gem of a Christmas pun:

    Beck the Hall with Bauza Boli
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas
    Le Tiss the Seaman Bébé Jol Lee
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas
    Dong we Lawal Gaynor Powell
    Tshabalala La La, La Lalas
    Poll the Nugent Euell Hyde Carroll
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas

    © 2010 BigDan83 & Juan Flo Evra the Cocu's Nesta

  • Comment number 70.

    Was a good show last week Dan taking it on the road is great espicially enjoyed the one from Old Trafford.

    Would love to see it go beyond England though maybe during International weeks, the domestic leagues might not be a big but would be good to see and learn more about the leagues in Northern Ireland and Wales and even a bit more on Scotland.

  • Comment number 71.

    How about Emile Heskey?
    (little donkey?)

  • Comment number 72.

    Manager has to be Ian Hollyway

  • Comment number 73.

    Advent Kaloundar and Bonadventure Kaloundar

    I can only apologise

  • Comment number 74.

    5 Torsten Frings = Genius

    Show in front of an audience sounds good!

    I'd be interested to know your tip for the Premier League title this season as we're approaching the halfway point, although that may be slightly easier following a certain game being at Stamford Bridge this weekend! Good blog as usual Mr Walker, still the most entertaining!

    Ne-manger Vidic

  • Comment number 75.

    Cech the Halls with Boughs of Holly.

  • Comment number 76.

    Once in Royal David Batty.

    Sounds like an adult film

  • Comment number 77.

    NOEL Pamarot

  • Comment number 78.

    Myself and a fellow poster on another football forum came up with this absolute gem of a Christmas pun:

    Beck the Hall with Bauza Boli
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas
    Le Tiss the Seaman Bébé Jol Lee
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas
    Dong we Lawal Gaynor Powell
    Tshabalala La La, La Lalas
    Poll the Nugent Euell Hyde Carroll
    Tshabalala La, La La Lalas


    No offence but maybe bar the 'Le Tiss the Seaman Bébé Jol Lee' that just isn't funny.

  • Comment number 79.

    This is great.

    Can't believe you overlooked Pepe Reindeer though

  • Comment number 80.

    Jesus Seba
    Russell Slade

  • Comment number 81.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 82.

    ashley cold

  • Comment number 83.

    oh my load, oh my toad, oh my chode

  • Comment number 84.

    question for dennis wise: Who does he think is the best centre midfielder to partner him in his career?


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