Review of the week
As Europe was covered in volcanic dust, the title hopes of Manchester United and Arsenal went up in smoke.
The eruption upon the final whistle at White Hart Lane made events in Iceland look like a school chemistry experiment, as Spurs beat their north London rivals in the league for the first time this century.
'Guns 'N Roses!' screamed The Daily Star, after teenager Danny Rose effectively ended Arsenal's title challenge with a 30-yard stunner, leaving the Spurs faithful in Paradise City, and the visitors asking: "Where do we go? Where do we go now?"
It's now five seasons (barring a miracle) without any silverware for Arsenal, a fact not lost on 606 user Tommy K Huddlestone (no, it's not...at least I don't think it is). Continuing the volcanic theme, Tommy posted the following: "Breaking news...a cloud of dust has closed UK airports. Police have arrested the Emirates trophy cabinet cleaner in connection with the incident."
Rose celebrates his goal with the other Huddlestone
Meanwhile when Harry Redknapp was asked for his thoughts on Eyjafjallajoekull, he (possibly) replied: "We've had a look at the boy, but it's too early to say whether we'll be signing him in the summer."
Over at Ewood Park, there was to be no joy at the Rovers for United, but for once there were no sour grapes from Sir Alex Ferguson - although like the 0-0 draw, his post-match glass of red with old buddy Sam Allardyce must have been hard to swallow.
Dimitar Berbatov cut a frustrated figure, leading to claims that he would be surplus to requirements come the summer. The Currant Bun went one step further and splashed a picture of the Bulgarian's shirt across the back page, with his name doctored to read 'Berbatoff'.
Player-of-the-Year-in-waiting Wayne Rooney has been sorely missed and Fergie was quick to rubbish reports that his star striker could be off to Real Madrid, dismissing it as the "silly season" - which pretty much sums up the league this term.
Although at last there is a bit of daylight, leaving Chelsea on the verge of their first title success since the departure of the Special One. The Blues looked anything but champions-elect in a dismal display against Bolton, with Sir Alex's pre-match reverse psychology about the Trotters being an 'easy game' almost paying dividends.
Oh to have been a fly on the wall at Fergie Towers when the referee waved away penalty claims against Didier Drogba and John Terry - the second in particular looking more stonewall than Hadrian's. On second thoughts, any flies unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the United manager's television room on Tuesday night would probably have come to a sticky end, along with the television.
Bolton boss Owen Coyle fumed: "I know Drogba is a world-class player but he could play world-class volleyball on that evidence.
"Then there's the second one when John Terry handles it. The assistant referee says it hit his shoulder but it's a clear penalty. He must have a shoulder that stretches down to his ankles in that case."
Martin O'Neill is another manager who won't be signing up to the JT fan club anytime soon, after the Chelsea skipper somehow stayed on the pitch following his clattering challenge on James Milner during the FA Cup semi-final with Aston Villa.
As it is, the Blues are on the verge of a first-ever double, with Portsmouth their unlikely Cup final opponents. With all the plots and sub-plots surrounding bonuses and payment triggers, Pompey could end up fielding David James, the bloke from accounts and a few assorted few dinner ladies (if there are any left) come May 15.
The club are busily trying to overturn their Europa League omission in the wake of their remarkable run - a realisation not lost on the fans, who gleefully sang: "We're not going on a European Tour!"
Although that was eclipsed by the same set of supporters chanting: "Que sera, sera! Whatever will be, will be. We're going to Wem-ber-lee, que sera, sera." That's Portsmouth fans, singing in the FA Cup semi-final...at Wembley.
Redknapp, while magnaminous in defeat, was not so happy about the state of the playing surface, branding it a "disgrace" after Michael Dawson slipped to let in Fred Piquionne for Portsmouth's first goal.
With the Cup final, England-Mexico, a plethora of play-off finals and, er, Green Day yet to come, it's surely not going to be long before the exasperated groundsman utters the immortal line: "Hack my pitch up!"
With the Premier League title all but sewn up and the return of the old boys already confirmed, following their season-long loan to the Championship (well done Newcastle and West Brom), League One is where it's all happening, with any two from five for automatic promotion.
Runaway leaders Norwich have been lurching towards the finishing line like an old drunk, but they surely won't throw it away from here. The Canaries deserve to go up, if only for this banner, spotted at Tranmere: "Glazers Out! We want our scarves back!"
Former runaway leaders Leeds look to finally be over their rather large blip, but my money's on Millwall to snatch second, despite news that the Lions are about to become lionesses.
Altogether..."No-one likes us, we don't care"
Three male fans wore ball gowns to their last home game, promoting prostate cancer awareness, and organisers now want to get 1,000 supporters in drag for an event in June. Good luck with that one.
It would certainly not get off the ground in Argentina, where there was fury in the wake of Diego Maradona's mauling by his pet dog, a tiny Shar Pei. Online forums were bombarded, with one fan fuming: "The world will think Argentine men are little girls. This is not masculine behaviour."
Elsewhere, Schteve McClaren's FC Twente bus was pelted with missiles - not the first time the words stoned and Holland have been spotted in the same sentence. And in Liverpool, the wives of Rooney and Gerrard were spotted at the Grand National.
I had no joy at Aintree, but it did spawn my favourite non-fooball joke of the year: 'A woman has appeared in court accused of having intimate relations under Becher's Brook and The Chair at Saturday's Grand National. She asked for six other fences to be taken into consideration.'
And finally, thanks to all who supported the walk we did from Loftus Road to Selhurst Park, raising money for the QPR Tiger Cubs team for children with Down's syndrome. Incredibly, we pulled in more than £8,000 and were applauded all around the pitch - brought a lump to the throat, I tell you.
Not only that, my team actually won - with the best moment coming at half-time as the Palace girls' team did a lap of honour. As they came past the visiting end, one grinning scallywag lifted her top to reveal a QPR shirt underneath. You go, girl!
Have a good weekend one and all. I'll be watching Neil Warnock resuming relations with the faithful after snubbing their requests to "give us a wave" at Selhurst Park, out of respect for his former club. Warnock promised: "Next time they sing it, I'll give them a big wave." Can't wait.
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