Quotes of the week
"There are some great British managers in the Championship but it needs someone to give them a chance. A big club will always go for a big name, a sexy name. You'll have to ask my wife if I'm sexy - she'll definitely say no!"
Harry Redknapp, clearly being modest by insisting he's no Adonis.
"Was it five? I was sure it was six. The radio guy said something about it being five, so I'm glad I didn't pick him up on it now!"
Everton boss David Moyes loses count after the 5-1 drubbing of Hull.
"I enjoyed the occasion last week. Actually, what am I talking about?"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill on the Carling Cup final defeat by Man Utd.
"He got a bit homesick for Glasgow - which is a bit strange considering he's a Bulgarian."
O'Neill discusses Stiliyan Petrov's bedding-in period at Aston Villa when he arrived from Celtic in 2006.
Djibril Cisse playing for France last week
"Everything that has happened to me has really made me put things in
perspective. For example, I have stopped doing silly things with my hair."
Djibril Cisse is the mane man at Panathinaikos, with his form securing a recall to the France squad.
Cisse and his barnet are pictured above from last week's France-Spain game. Still looks pretty daft to me - Ed.
"International football is no longer the pinnacle for players. The pinnacle of a career, for many of the top footballers now, is getting the big contract, the Bentley and the blonde."
Roy Keane on Wayne Bridge's decision not to play for England.
"I might tell him to wear his Sweden top underneath his Bolton one!"
Bolton boss Owen Coyle's cunning plan for goal-shy striker Johan Elmander to replicate his international form. The Swede clearly had his San Marino top on at the Stadium of Light on Tuesday as Bolton were hammered 4-0.
"I told Paul he'll really enjoy managing Palace because they've got so much guts. Did he tell me much about QPR? No, not really. I don't think he knew much about us!"
New QPR manager Neil Warnock swaps notes with Paul Hart, the man who replaced him at Palace. Hart's spell in charge of QPR lasted all of five games.
"I work for the BBC but don't want to be just sitting on the sofa. Hazel Irvine's OK - I just don't want to be talking to John Parrott and Steve Davis for 17 days!"
Ken Doherty finds the motivation to beat Jimmy White and qualify for the World Snooker Championship.
"I never thought it would take so long for me to have a chance to put it on. It does smell. I have only cleaned it once or twice."
Newcastle's Jonas Gutierrez after celebrating his first goal for the club by putting on his trademark Spiderman mask. The mask that he keeps in his pants.
AND SOME FROM YOU
"Scoring goals is what you need to do to win games."
Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes finally gets the hang of football after 15 years in the game.
"He's got one of the sweetest left foots in football."
Sky's Rob McCaffrey praises Alessandro Diamante - at the expense of a little grammar.
"The only thing players are bothered about is getting paid every month, so it doesn't matter if David Gold or Donald Duck owns the club."
Mark Lawrenson on West Ham.
(Juan in Seattle)
"He takes shagging to another level."
Philadelphia Phillies' baseball team manager Charlie Manuel, on how tenacious outfield prospect Tyson Gillies pursues (or "shags", in American-speak) flyballs hit during batting practice.
"If they're not careful, they could come out of this with a draw."
Phil Brown on Soccer Saturday when talking about Burnley nearly equalising against Arsenal. Well, Phil, they wouldn't want that to happen, would they?
"I know Fabio does not fancy him - that's obvious."
Ian Wright talking to the Sun about Michael Owen's World Cup prospects (before his injury). I hope Fabio doesn't fancy any of his players - that would be very unprofessional!
(Jack Tappin, England)
"I don't want to be sat in the stand with the chairman every week.
He was telling me the tactics on Saturday and that's something I would rather steer clear of, because me, the chairman and tactics go together like Jordan and Peter Andre."
Carlisle manager Greg Abbott after being sent off against Gillingham for coming on to the pitch to argue with the referee.
(Jude Hodson, England)+
"It's amazing how much you want to tackle someone who has just elbowed you in the head."
Commentary during the FA Cup match between Portsmouth and Birmingham.
(Chris Huff, Italy)
"This seesaw's going up and down like a roundabout, what a match!"
Sid Waddell during a Premier League darts match on Sky.
(Richie Dennis, England)
Coming on for Forest....
"Boy George, I mean George Boyd, has had a chance for Nottingham."
The BBC's Ivan Gaskell during the live coverage of Nottingham Forest v Swansea.
(Sean Chadwick, England)
"Then in 2002, a 38-year-old David Seaman, who has been impregnable in Euro 96, suffered from the same lack of agility when Ronaldinho curled one in from 700 yards."
Dan Walker's BBC Blog. Must be one incredibly long free-kick from Ronaldinho!
(Anthony Ko, UK)
"Why is Gerrard called the Liverpool skipper? - Is it coz he skips all the time?"
My other half on Steven Gerrard.
(Ray Rajani, London)
"They'll be looking to stake their claim on the plane."
Paul Robinson turns Dizzee Rascal when talking about England's starting 11 against Egypt.
"Mohamed Zidan's dad says Manchester United and Barcelona have been looking at him. My dad says Manchester United and Barcelona have been looking at me too."
Clive Tyldesley commentating on England's game against Egypt at Wembley.
(Jack Tappin, England)
"I don't know where Jonny Wilkinson is. I do know where he is, he's not there."
Brian Moore during the England-Ireland Six Nations game. So where is he?
(Skitter the cat)
"Lafferty is having a big influence on the outcome on Old Firm games now, and it's nothing to do with ability, because he doesn't have any."
Charlie Nicholas after Celtic's Scott Brown was sent off after clashing with Rangers' Kyle Lafferty.
"Delap is taking the long route around Frank Lampard."
ITV commentator during the Chelsea-Stoke game.
(Paul Davies, Herts)
"I've never seen him mis-kick a shot."
Lee Dixon on Paul Scholes, Match of the Day 2. He obviously hadn't watched AC Milan v Man Utd!
"Strawberry blond? You're having a laugh!"
QPR to West Brom's flame-haired midfielder, Ben Watson - on loan at Loftus Road earlier this season.
(Anthony Ko, UK)
Warnock is still at Loftus Road after two games
"You'll get the sack in the morning!"
West Brom fans as QPR's fifth manager of the season, Neil Warnock, was introduced to the Loftus Road faithful shortly before kick-off in his first match.
"Does your mummy know you're here?" and "You're not famous anymore!"
England fans to the (Ancient) Egyptians at Wembley.
(James Clarke, London)
"U.S.A. Let Him Stay!"
Everton fans after loanee Landon Donovan scored Everton's fourth against Hull City.
(Fil King, England)
"John Terry - are you my dad?"
Stoke fans during the FA Cup tie with Chelsea.
(Anthony Ko, UK)
"You fat Bastareaud!"
Wales fans to France's Mathieu Batsareaud in the Six Nations.
"Please don't stand up while play is ongoing! If you need the toilet, please put your hand up!"
Heard at Milton Keynes Lightning ice hockey stadium.
"Number four, the England captain, Joh....even Gerrard."
Wembley stadium announcer before England-Egypt game.
(Mike Gray, England)
Tell us about any quotes, chants or stadium announcements you may have heard by adding your comments below or by using the old-school postform.