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Mini Viva - 'One Touch'

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Fraser McAlpine | 10:12 UK time, Thursday, 29 April 2010

Mini Viva

Oh blimey charlie, this will not do at all. Look away! Look away now!

The lyrics, the filthy filthy lyrics...well they're so rude they should not be listened to be anyone ever. I'm probably breaking several of the BBC's strictest rules by even talking about them. I've already said too much. Even now, the innuendo police are probably strapping on their highly-polished truncheons, shiny helmets at the ready, desperate to give me a really good seeing-to.

So you can forget reading any of the disgusting obscenities here on the blog. I'd be run out of town on a rail, and I don't even LIVE there. Don't even ask. I won't do it. No way. Nope. Nien.

(Here's the video. Are they standing in a ball pool?)

I mean to say, look:

"Do you want a candy? Hey baby
With a cherry on top
Do you want this? Do you need it?
Cuz the cake comes hot"

Is that not the most disgusting thing you've ever read? I don't even know what it MEANS, that's how dirty it is. And the grossness doesn't end there.

Look at this. I mean LOOK at it!

"I'm not afraid of no love, and I rock you anyway that I want
I'm not afraid of your stuff, and I'm sure I'll keep you running"

How on Earth did they expect to get away with it? That's what I'd like to know.

I mean sure, there's that fantastic Calvin Harris-y bassline running through all the verses, that makes up for a LOT. And the chorus is pretty great too, if you can get past the astonishing disgustingness. It's stuffed full of chuntering synthy goodness, whooshy noises, the occasional robo-harmony (tastefully done, for a change), all the things we have come to recognise as key ingredients in a good pop song.

And make no mistake, this IS a good pop song. It's just also a very bad pop song. Very bad indeed. Wicked, really.

Four starsDownload: Out now
CD Released: May 3rd
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)


  • Comment number 1.

    Oh dear !

    Fraser , you have lived a very sheltered life , if this song is TOO much for you .

    Whatever you do chum , don't listen to any modern Radio station or T.V programme , it will tip you right over the edge .

  • Comment number 2.

    The Innuendo Police will have you for what you wrote about truncheons and shiny helmets! You bad boy Fraser!

    Mini Viva are underrated. Last single "I Wish" disappeared without a trace, even though it was one of the best songs released last year! Pop perfection!

    This one is almost as good. Hope it makes top 10 at least!

  • Comment number 3.

    Can Fraser even remember Rihanna's Rude Boy??!! Or did he faint when he heard the, erm, lyrics.

  • Comment number 4.

    Not bad, but not a patch on Left My Heart In Tokyo or I Wish, or even the b-side Bedroom Viber that they gave away free a while back (surprisingly awesome, that one).

    3 stars.

  • Comment number 5.

    Wow, this songs riff reminds me very much of Dizzee Rascal's 'Dance Wiv Me', how very odd that I loved that song too.

    But s for this song, well that big old introduction with that big old riff is a surefire sign of a huge club stomper right?

    No, I'm not going to string you along and say 'BUT...' or words to those effects.... this IS very much a club stomper. And a down-right good'n at that. And then some.

    5 stars, which would make it... the third five star song from Mini Viva for me. Oh very good.

    And a little off topic bit to end: Fraser, could you please review MIKA's rather BRILLIANT soundtrack for the film 'Kick-Ass'. It's called 'Kick Ass'... see how they removed the hyphen? Hi-tech stuff, that.
    It features RedOne on production; so it blatently deserves recognition. And preferably more than what 'Rain' got... as for 'Blame It On The Girls'? Well, it doesn't really measure up to 'Kick Ass''s standards.

  • Comment number 6.

    EDIT: 'Kick Ass', or rather 'Kick Ass (We Are Young)', (as it's officially called now) is at #70 so far, after only one day of digital release with the physical release coming tomorrow... It's already beaten both 'Rain' and 'Blame It On The Girls' which I checked only charted at #72.

    Come on guys, maybe 'Blame It On The Girls' deserved #72 but neither 'Rain' nor 'Kick Ass (We Are Young)' has been given justice yet, I'm not the biggest Mika fan but I can at least tell when he's done something right.

  • Comment number 7.

    Kick Ass right now is amazing! I just reviewed it there on Jedward (I know I'm plugging my Singles Reviews Diary) and its actually nearly a 5 star song its only I'm expecting it to annoy me if it gets played. Come on, Fraser review it already.

  • Comment number 8.

    Not really sure about Kick Ass at the moment, and this is coming from a fan of Mika, sounds a bit like We Are Golden mashed together with Rain, still it's good another for a film song.

  • Comment number 9.

    Ahh but that's what makes it so brilliant, Harry.

    It's got lyrics of the same calibre as 'We Are Golden', which, I think you'll agree hit the nail on the head with the 'I/We don't need you because we've got each other which is more than what you've got'-type lyrics, combined with the dancier vibe we heard from 'Rain', only tenfold the power and oomph.

    And it's got that typical Mika flourish of an unbelievably catchy piano accompaniment AND THEN.... BOOM goes the RedOne effect for the chorus.

    I have to admit, since 'Rain', this guy is getting better. Now the cherry on the cake would be releasing 'Touches You', just in time for the summer.

  • Comment number 10.

    Still not really convinced by it, however high five to OddOne for mentioning the amazing Touches You.

  • Comment number 11.

    OMG YES! Someone else who likes 'Touches You'!

    Sorry to all those who haven't bought Mika's new album (I bought it out of curiosity and I have to say: it's astonishingly good in comparison to his first), but 'Touches You' is pure brilliance and if you haven't yet heard it, you should listen to it. If all else fails (e.g. 'Kick Ass (We Are Young)'), 'Touches You' will be the song that saves his career with a little bit of promotion. In my opinion it should've been the lead single from his sophomore album.

    And now, look away Mika haters as I'm going to post a mini-blog on his single releases because I can. ;)

    Since 'Happy Ending', Mika went downhill on his first album (except for 'Relax (Take It Easy)'s re-release) by not releasing 'Stuck In The Middle', and choosing to release 'Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)' and 'Lollipop' instead. But when 'We Are Golden' came out I thought 'Okay, he's grown up a bit, let's see what's next'...

    Then along came 'Rain'. Wow. A five star song if ever there was one, which re-calls the eighties more than Clavin Harris' 'Acceptable In The 80's'. I love the spoken interlude - very icy and emotionless... Pet Shop Boys eat your heart out.

    'Blame It On The Girls' was a typical Mika affair, and a bad choice as third single in my opinion, (more like fifth or sixth) as I was still screaming for 'Touches You' to get a release. The stomping musique concréte beat, blurty trumpets and the dissonant piano chords gave it a camp, glammed-up twinge, making it probably Mika's most 'Mika' release to date. Very much an acquired taste.

    And now 'Kick Ass (We Are Young)'. IT IS VERY GOOD. And as Randy said, it doesn't seem like RedOne is doing all the good stuff; more like Mika's ability to pen an unbelievably catchy chorus, backed-up with some serious synth action, creating one of the best little pop stompers of the year so far.

    END. :P

  • Comment number 12.

    Yep! It's official. Kick Ass is amazing! I was playing it on my iPod docking station today and I felt myself singing in falsetto (very badly) along with Mika's explosive chorus (the best chorus of this year so far)...I was nearly tempted to strip down to my whities and re-enact the We Are Golden video, that's how much the chorus grabbed me!

    And I really don't like Mika at all...only songs I like by him are Grace Kelly, Love Today and the amazing Kick Ass. I hear the film which the song is based on is also really really good. Has anyone seen it?

  • Comment number 13.

    I speak from the position of someone who really doesn't usually go for Marvel Comic films but let me say this. It is, next to Avatar, the best film I have ever seen. So wrong and yet so right in so many ways, and the fight scenes (especially the one nearest the end with the strobe lights) are actually amazing, and the music really works.

    One gripe I have, is that usually soundtrack songs are played as soon as the credits start, but some random rubbish no-one's ever ever of that goes of for about four and a half minutes is played, then 'Kick-Ass', which is a real let down as the first credits song is crap.

  • Comment number 14.

    "Even now, the innuendo police are probably strapping on their highly-polished truncheons, shiny helmets at the ready, desperate to give me a really good seeing-to." LMAO

  • Comment number 15.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.


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