Jedward ft. Vanilla Ice - 'Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)'
TV talent shows are built upon a gaping hole in their own internal logic. And they know it.
The flaw is this: even though the focus of the show is the singing, being a pop star is not about being able to sing. I've said this before, because it was true then, and it's still true now. It's useful if you can sing, being able to sing will get you a certain distance towards being a pop star, but it's not the golden ticket. The golden ticket is, for want of a better word, charisma. It's the ability to make people want look at you, and think about you. They don't even have to LIKE you.
Why else would the TV show be called The X Factor? What they SAY they're looking for is amazing performances in the field of singing, what they're ACTUALLY looking for as performances it is impossible to tear your eyes and ears away from in case your brain suddenly falls out of your face like rice pudding squished under a fork.
And if we were all honest about this, we could maybe admit that John and Edward might just be the best pop stars the X Factor has ever unearthed.
(Here's the video. Jedward work best in front of an audience, JUST LIKE DYLAN, MAAN.)
Think about it, loads of people watch the show for the auditions stage, and like nothing more than to see the expression on Simon Cowell's face when a middle-aged man in a baby outfit hiccups his way through 'Unchained Melody'. Jedward, with their flailing limbs and breathless delivery, bring something of this to their performance.
They're also, as twins, slightly different from everyone else (in showbiz terms, this is. Perfectly normal by any other measurement), and massively, massively excited about what they're doing. There would be no point getting them to do The X Factor Ballad, because they'd just muck it up. Get them to do something fun - and really, you'd have to be a Rock Bore of epic proportions not to find this even slightly entertaining - and the mucking up becomes part of the act.
They can fluff the lyrics, they each can nervously check where the other is in the dance routine and then get it all wrong anyway, they can blush and mumble, and deliver their spoken lines with the authority and passion of a Daniel Day Lewis (in My Left Foot), and everyone will love them for it.
Best of all, they can bring out another much-derided pop star with a serious hairspray addiction, get him to reprise some of the verses to his one great hit, without becoming overshadowed. Sure, Vanilla Ice is no Paul McCartney, but if John and Edward were as hopeless as their worst critics claim, he'd dwarf them like a planet dwarfs a virus.
Bottom line, pop music is about fun, and this is fun. WAY fun. Plus I already know all the words from the first time around. Which is more than Jedward do.