Lady GaGa - 'Lovegame'
Ah perfect! Lady GaGa has just announced a US tour with Kanye West, and they've decided to call it 'Fame Kills', which is all the excuse I need to wade into the post-VMA Kanye/Taylor Swift aggrothon with my size 10s. Yes, it's entirely irrelevant to this song, yes it's late, yes it's childish and silly...but Oh My Good Lord, what fun!
Y'see, Kanye West is clearly the kind of person who is dissatisfied with certain aspects of the modern world, and now that he's all important and stuff, he has a platform from which he can express this dissatisfaction. Never mind who gets upset in the process, Kanye's opinion MUST BE HEARD.
The reason this is relevant to Lady GaGa is she's the one star of recent years who has remembered how important it is to shut the hell up. She'll appear in front of the press wearing clothes that absolutely guarantee that they won't report a single thing she says. You remember the mask? The black rubber? The thing that looked like it was made of turf?
(Here's the video. Don't let your dad see it, it features a car bonnet being punished.)
Now, can you remember what she was talking about when she was wearing those things? No, me neither. It's a little thing we like to call 'being enigmatic', and Lady GaGa is astonishingly good at it. People are making up their minds on her work, choosing whether to listen appreciatively or sniffily reject every note, based entirely on what she chooses to wear.
THAT, my friends, is a proper pop star.
Kanye, on the other hand, is a worker. He tries really hard to convince everyone that he's the best, and in a lot of ways he IS the best. But he's not enigmatic, which means he's prone to doing silly things like spoiling Taylor Swift's awards moment - the moment she's probably been preparing for ever since she first started singing - just because the results didn't turn out the way he personally would've liked them to and he just HAS to say something.
The irony being that Kanye and Beyonce are two people for whom that award should mean very little. Nice to get it, obviously, but if not, so what? It will have mattered a hell of a lot more to young Taylor as she's newer to the pop game.
Hopefully this tour will allow Kanye to realise the value of enigma. He's a brilliant star, a major talent, and a thoughtful soul...but he doesn't need to over-explain everything.
After all, that's my job.
PS: All you need to know about 'Lovegame' the song is that it features the line "got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid", and that it is just as stoopidfresh as it is sexy.