Archives for February 2011
Adam has posted an audio note.
I've been thinking about Christa. Now I don't know what to think.
See also: Update #21: Christa's Anger
Adam has posted a video.
She is well out of order this time... she actually hit me. Seriously, what is her problem?
See also: Update #20: Adam's Find
Adam has posted a video.
JACKPOT. This is going to be hilarious...
See also: Update #9: Changing Danny's Ways
Matt has posted a memory.
So. I was in one of the toilets writing some graffiti on the wall when someone burst in. I didn't have time to turn around. I think they might have hit me, or banged my head, I'm not sure.
I suppose that was when I died.
The next thing I remember I was outside the sports hall in the car park. And it was like I was in a dream. All the colours were brighter, like I was seeing everything for the first time. Even ugly, boring things. Like someone had keyed a car in the car park, and I remember staring at that scratch like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. It was weird.
Then I remembered the bogwash. And couldn't remember how I got from that happening to being in the car park. And I got scared. Usually I don't report bullying because if you grass on people, you just get bullied more. But this felt different. I was so scared I just had to tell someone.
I ran up to Steve McKenna and started to tell him that I'd been attacked. He just ignored me and kept walking. He's usually one of the good ones, and doesn't say mean things to me. But he just walked past like I was invisible. I tried a few others, even some that had bullied me. All of them ignored me.
Part of me was thinking that this was just a new form of bullying. Like, they'd all had a meeting and decided that blanking me was the new chinese burn, or something. And I remember thinking that that wouldn't be so bad. Less bruising. I could live with that.
Then someone walked right through me.
It was over quite quickly but it wasn't very nice. It was cold and dark in there. I screamed and the person who'd walked through me gave a little shiver. When I was alive, I'd done that myself, that little shiver thing. People usually say "Someone just walked over my grave." I wonder how many of those were people walking through ghosts and not realising.
I guess it was around this point that I realised that I was dead. I went back to the toilets, expecting to find my body, but it had gone. And I had this odd little moment of hope, thinking that maybe I'd just banged my head and I'd been hallucinating and that I wasn't actually dead at all. And that's why there wasn't a body, because I was still in it.
Then I walked through a wall and bang went that theory.
Christa has posted a profile of Brandy Mulligan (formerly Crompton).
NAME Brandy Mulligan/Crompton
APPEARANCE Bimbette. Blonde, probably dyed. "The best looking girl in school" according to Toilet Wall Monthly.
ATTITUDE Unnervingly sweet with a well hidden bitchy underside. If she were a chocolate it would be a hard centre. With a razor blade hidden in it.
SOCIAL CIRCLE The Perfect Plastics. That's my name for them anyway. Gum chewing gossips with the highest text per minute rate in the school. Their thumbs are a blur when anyone dumps anyone else.
REASON FOR SUSPICION She saw Matt letching at her then ran out of the room. Five minutes later, he's dead. She also trains in martial arts and has been cautioned for excessive use of force. And last but by no means least, she's a Crompton. From both a nature or nurture point of view, she should by rights be making a drum out of our skins.
OTHER COMMENTS Every school has its own mythology, and the legends about the Cromptons are definitely a big part of ours. For as long as I've been here there have been stories circulating about them, to the point where they've become a kind of short hand for any kind of excessive or outrageous illegal behaviour. If a car is found burnt out anywhere within five miles of school, someone is bound to blame the Cromptons at some point. Usually in a whisper, after looking around for witnesses first. And then running off.
And I am aware that it's mostly utter nonsense. I realise that for the Cromptons to have done half of the things that people say they have, they would all currently be strapped to trolleys wearing hockey masks in some prison somewhere. But something must have started it all. Way back when. You don't get that kind of name without reason. No smoke and all that.
And Brandy, our lovely perfect Queen Bee Brandy, is one of them.
I know it's fairly rich for us to talk about someone hiding another side to themselves, but on a personal note, can I just say how gratifying it is to discover that little miss perfect has such a juicy secret. I mean this is HUGE. This dumps all over the time someone spotted Michaela Slade's sixth toe in the showers. Or Lindsey Fallow's 'affair' with the married man she was babysitting for. (How anyone could call that twisted business 'an affair' is beyond me. It was six months shy of being illegal and wrong on so many levels I lost count.)
And there's this weird bit of me that empathises with her. To walk around all day, smiling happily, putting out one face to the world, with this big dark secret eating away at you. It would change everything if people knew. People that once smiled and chatted would now look away. Or cross the street. Or run screaming.
What must she think when she hears the stories about her dear old Dad? How many times has she bitten her tongue as some new story circulates? Does she ever snap, let the Crompton side out? Did she snap that day, when she saw Matt lurking?
Ladies and gentlemen, we may have a monster among us.
Christa has posted a video.
That was close. I told Swan I was there to join the girls' football team. I think he bought it, it was hard to tell.
Adam has posted a voicemail from Christa.
It pains me to say it but... She's right. We'd better talk to him.
Matt has posted a profile of Danny Curtis.
NAME Danny Curtis
APPEARANCE Athletic I suppose. I think he used to be on the basketball team but they threw him off for fouling. I've overheard some of the girls say he's good looking but I can't see it. Oh and he's black. I didn't want to mention that first in case it sounded racist. Just to be clear, I really do hate him, but not because of that.
ATTITUDE Confident. Swaggering. He's always smiling. Even when he bullied me. Always smiling. Like it's all a great big joke and if I only got it, then the punches would all make sense. But I never got the joke. And it never did make any sense.
SOCIAL CIRCLE The only group he's always in is the Danny Curtis gang. He's kind of like the king or godfather and it usually has about four members. And whenever he says stuff, even if it's not funny, they all laugh.
REASON FOR SUSPICION If ever I had nightmares about bullying, it was always his face in the dreams. He did it the most and for the longest. And he's always hanging around the games hall. I think they do graffiti and smoke round the back.
OTHER COMMENTS I would hear stuff about Danny Curtis, like how his Dad left when he was a baby and how his mum would make him do odd jobs or paper rounds and then take all his money. Now I suppose you could say that this explains why he does what he does, that he didn't have that good a start in life. But that doesn't really help you when he's spitting at you or kicking you in the shin so hard that it breaks the skin. It's not a comfort to think "Oh it's okay. I know why you're doing this. I know why you just shouted "EGG ROLL" in my ear so loud that it rings, and then pushed me down the stairs." It doesn't really help that you know why it's happening. You just want it to stop.
I wrote that one on my list. Egg roll. It was a joke that only made sense at the time. Like when I was rolling down some steps. I like eggs and I'm rolling. Good one Danny. How's your Dad? Seen him recently?
I used to think about learning a Martial Art and what I would do to Danny if I did. I used to dream about that a lot. Like one day he'd be picking on me and he wouldn't know that I'd been training in secret. And I'd let him push me around like he usually did. And then I'd catch his fist in mid air, mid punch, like stop it dead, catching it in my hand. And he'd look confused for a second, his big dumb face looking from his fist to me and back again. And I'd smile because I knew I'd been training and he didn't.
And then I'd kill him.
And I wouldn't do it quickly either. I'd really take my time. Like using my new Martial Arts training, I'd karate chop him and break all his bones in alphabetical order. One at a time. And then when he was begging for mercy, I'd whisper "Egg roll." and he'd look confused, because he'd forgotten all about it, and then I'd roll on him and smother him. And he would be killed by my belly in the most ironic death ever.
And sometimes I'd just shoot him with a bazooka.
Christa has posted a video.
This has been sent round school. It's a video of Danny being a total dick. No surprise there... Still, he's pretty blatant about it. I think he fancies himself as the hardest lad in school. Could be an act? Or maybe he's just a nasty git. Will see what Adam thinks (that is if he actually *thinks* at all).
Matt has posted a profile of himself.
NAME Matt Bolton
APPEARANCE I know I'm fat. Gary Frinton once said that it looked like I'd eaten Johnny Vegas. I thought that was pretty funny but I didn't laugh at the time because Gary Frinton was kicking me when he said it and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. But I wrote it down later.
That might seem a bit weird but I wrote down any funny names that people called me. It's like one part of me was hurt and another part of me could still see it was clever or funny and if I wrote it down then I had the power over the names. The names weren't always clever or funny. Sometimes I burned the bits of paper with the names on.
ATTITUDE Some days I'm sad. Some days I'm angry. But I think on the whole I'm on an even keel. I think I'm doing very well considering I was murdered in a toilet.
SOCIAL CIRCLE I'd say I was an outcast. But that's okay because Christa and Adam put that they were outcasts too. So I feel kind of proud of that now. And Adam said we were in The Supernatural Monster Squad. I know it was kind of a joke, but I like the idea that we're all in the same gang especially a monster squad.
REASON FOR SUSPICION This bit doesn't really fit me as I am the one that was murdered. I suppose the only way that this category would fit me would be if I had killed myself. I don't think I killed myself. It's not that I haven't thought about it. It's just that whenever I thought about doing it, I never thought of doing it in a toilet.
Adam said I had that I was like Elvis. I thought it was a crack about my weight, but it turns out Elvis died on the toilet. I felt better when I found that out.
OTHER COMMENTS I'm only really doing this profile because Adam did one for Christa and Christa did one for Adam. I felt a bit left out. I was going to ask them to do one for me but I was afraid that they would say nasty things about me so I decided to do my own.
But then I worried that I'd go too easy on myself. Not like a proper profile. Not like theirs. So I started thinking about bad things I could say about myself. I found one of my lists of names people used to call me and read through them. But I got a bit upset. So I stopped reading.
The thing that really bugs me is that I haven't eaten a thing since I died. And I'm still fat. And I'm going to be fat forever. I mean that's not fair, is it? I could run for miles and do press ups and none of it would matter. Still, at least now I don't have to run for miles and do press ups. That's something.
When I think about who might have killed me, I picture it like the Murder on the Orient Express. It's a really old film so I don't feel bad about spoilers. Basically someone is murdered on a train and most people on the train are suspects. And at the end you find out that they all did it. All of them. Like queuing up. All carrying a knife. And that how I picture my death. Like all the people that bullied me queued up outside the toilet and gave me just one punch or a kick. But it all added up and at the end I was dead.
I don't think it's that likely, but whenever I picture it, that's what I think about.
Christa has posted a profile of Adam.
Ok Adam, if you insist on being a complete sod, I'm going to profile you.
NAME Adam Jacobs
APPEARANCE Dead eyed. Waxy. If he didn't move you'd think he was one of those bodies they practice on at medical school. And how can he have the gall to criticise my hair? His hairstyle looks like his entire scalp has time travelled from 1974. Or from one of those yellow sun bleached photos in the windows of really old barber's shops. In Poland.
ATTITUDE Cocky gutter-mouthed sex pest. He has all the charm of a genital wart and is so sexist he'd make Gene Hunt feel bashful.
SOCIAL CIRCLE Outcast. I mean he talks about having other friends, but strangely I never see him with anyone but us. I wonder why? Oh, I know. See above.
And he talks about this other group of supernaturals he's met, who strangely he doesn't see anymore. Almost as if he was so damn annoying that they couldn't take it anymore and threw him out, screaming until their ears bled. That's how I picture it anyway.
REASON FOR SUSPICION He's a forty six year old blood addicted monster pretending to be a school boy. No, nothing suspicious to see here. Move along.
OTHER COMMENTS As for the age old antagonism between our two 'groups'. Can I just clarify one thing. I am not part of any 'group'. Not emo, not goth and not anything else. I am in a group of one. Me.
The only other subset that you could argue I am part of is teenage girls. And we traditionally do have a big problem with his group. And by 'his group', I am talking of course, about dirty old men.
I mean seriously, he's forty six! If he looked his age, everyone would assume he was there to pick up his kids, not do double geography. But instead he wanders around school using slang that hasn't been in fashion for at least ten years letching at all the girls. Even if he wasn't at risk of accidentally giving in to his bloodlust and ripping out their throats it would be wrong in so many ways.
I mean the other day he said "Whassup" for God's sake. It's just not right.
And as for the constant talking about sex, I think it's just the old, old story of the hollowest vessels making the most noise. The boy that talks about sex the most is always the one with the least experience. Adam talks about it so much, he must have actually had negative amounts of sex. He's actually overdrawn at the virgin bank. He needs to have loads of sex just to get back to zero. And can I just state here for the record: I am not going to help him. The mere idea of sleeping with him makes me want to seriously self-harm. After seriously harming him.
And before you give me that 'methink the lady doth protest too much' line, or whatever the real quote is, sometimes people are protesting against things simply because they really really dislike the idea. Sometimes it really is that simple. And that would be me in this situation. Seriously. Even getting close to thinking about it makes me want to puke until I throw up my own spine. And then I would take my own spine and strangle Adam with it.
And somehow he'd still read that as me playing hard to get.
Adam has posted a profile of Christa.
Christa wants us to write these stupid suspect profiles, so I'm sure she won't mind that I've made her the first one. It's only seems fair...
NAME Christa Stammers
APPEARANCE Fit but unwashed. Could do with a little product. Starting with soap.
Dresses like an undercover cop at a homeless shelter. Big fan of layers. I'm guessing that by the time she gets undressed at night it's time to get up again.
ATTITUDE Unfriendly veneer covering thinly disguised raging horn for me. It's so obvious it's kind of embarrassing. Get a room. With me.
No, seriously. Let's get a room.
SOCIAL CIRCLE Emo? Goth? Outcast. Also new member of the Supernatural Monster Squad, an elite crime-fighting and lie down dance team which I just formed this very minute and which I am president of and founding member.
REASON FOR SUSPICION She's grudgingly agreed to help solve Matt's murder, which could just be a brilliant smokescreen to deflect attention from her. Also, just like most women, she turns into a monster once a month. Yes, that was a period joke.
OTHER COMMENTS I will of course do my best to work alongside her, although she is from a group that is my traditional enemy. I'm talking of course, about goths. Ha ha. Got you. You thought I was going to say emos. Which I wasn't because the first time I went to school in the 80's they hadn't been invented and as far as I can see an emo is just a goth with worse hair and crapper taste in music.
Talking of hair, hers is quite limp. She also has a sadness behind the eyes. I have a theory that the two may be connected. Perhaps she's spent years looking for some elusive shampoo and conditioner combo that will combat her specific problem of flyaway roots and split middles.
I wonder if she's tried crunching dog biscuits. I hear that they can be quite good for the coat.
Okay, okay. That was a cheap shot. In the spirit of co-operation, I am willing, in a gesture of great personal sacrifice, to drag a chicken on a string around a waterbed in a classy but surprisingly affordable motel.