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Episode 9: Stuart gives his verdict

Stuart Baggs | 12:57 UK time, Friday, 1 July 2011

I've never been very good at sports, which is perhaps why I didn't win last years show. You see The Apprentice is a marathon event, and those that sprint towards the finish line like Vincent and Gavin et al burn themselves out long before the end. The key to winning The Apprentice it seems is consistency, stamina and ultimately common sense. The path to the final, littered with the shattered dreams of your oposition.

By week 9 the candidates will be feeling extremely tired, fatigued and missing their loved ones from home. It's a toxic combination that really does sort the BixMix from the HobNobs. More to the point, the longer you stay in the process, the harder being fired becomes.

Talking of biscuits,  "Jammie Dodger" Jim's had more lives than a recycled carrier bag. Perhaps he will manage to perform his mind tricks on Lord Sugar, or more likely make a swift exit courtesy of our friendly black cab driver. 

On the subject of consistency, Helen seems to have the perfect recipe. Take 1 cup of common sense, 1 cup of maturity and mix liberally with 1 cup of Lord Sugar. I'm giving her this weeks Stuart Baggs The Brand's Award For Excellence.

Melody wins no awards for people skills (abrading people like a sand blaster), but she is probably the most attractive candidate of all time (alongside yours truly). If Lord Sugar is running a beauty contest, he should have stopped week 1.

It's easy to critise candidates from infront of the TV screen, however it takes guts, determination and maybe just a hint of delusion to ever make it on The Apprentice in the first place.

Thanks for all your comments, please do keep them coming. I read every single one, even those insulting me.

Until next week,

Lovingly Your's

The Brand


  • Comment number 1.

    Dear Mr. The Brand,

    If you're going to insist on filling up this otherwise excellent blog every week with more uninspired self-referential nonsense, could you please at least learn basic English grammar?

    Lovingly Your Is,


  • Comment number 2.

    No mention of Jim winning the BBIW award. Jealous?

  • Comment number 3.

    Oh, I thought Stuart Baggs the Brand was the one who was fired because the business achievements listed on his application were pure fantasy. I must have you mixed you up with someone else. In which case, who was that incredibly annoying and immature guy - who, by the looks of him, was also not very good at sport - in last year's final five?

  • Comment number 4.

    I agree with The Brand, Helen is head and shoulders above the rest of the candidates and barring some skeletons in her closet at the interview stage should win this year.Melody is more abrasive than an idustrial sander and should have gone for the cab last night for her continued selfishness and lack of any respect for her team.Her only savior is her ability to sell.

  • Comment number 5.

    Confess I have had serious cravings for bix mix ever since watchings last night's show, and hope someone decides to make them for real - yes the role play pitch was dreadful, and the fact that Zoe managed to keep her cool in that situation was impressive. I wondered what might have happened if Helen and Zoe had been in the same team? Helen, Natasha and Jim worked very well together, but when Jim spoke about his ideas for promoting the product on TV, did the girls have any knowledge of this or was it all made it on the spot? Great viewing, can't wait for the next one.

  • Comment number 6.

    I've read each of your blogs with interest, but haven't commented yet - I love this blog, you sir are an utter genius. Forget telecom companies, stick to satirical commentary, it's your new field (oops, don't mention fields of things!).

    Melody may win this years award for outstanding appearance, but I still have a soft spot for Liz. Perhaps you may agree?

    Pellereau to win!! And he will drive Lord Sugar MENTAL!!

  • Comment number 7.

    My fav moment in the show was when Melody tells Tom that they are going to play boyfriend / girlfriend for the role play and Tom's face lit up!!!!

    Go Tom!!!!

  • Comment number 8.

    Mr. Brand,

    Do you think Jedi Jim is a one-trick pony or can he conjure up a whole field of them galloping through Lord Sugar's mind?

  • Comment number 9.

    O ..Susan, this is bully... if you can not get English people to Said Thats ' BULLY ' going on, just get your back ground community. I felt sorry about you.


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