5 live's Royal Wedding planner
If it goes wrong, they'll blame me.
That's the thought that keeps spinning around my head a couple of days from the Royal Wedding. Not Kate and William, you understand, or the millions of people who will be watching and listening to their impending nuptials, but the dozens involved in 5 live's coverage of the event, all of whom I've been trying to wrestle into some semblance of order over the past three months so that 15 and a half hours of live radio passes off without a hitch.
It all began back in the mists of what now seems a distant February. I took over the wedding planning baton from a colleague who had departed for pastures new, and it now seems, far less likely to be strewn with royal confetti.
Some work had been done on finding guests and expert commentators, and some thoughts had been shared between programme editors and producers about how our coverage should sound. In truth, the task that lay ahead was herculean.
Working an average of one day a week on wedding planning while holding down my not exactly stress-free day job as a senior producer on the Victoria Derbyshire and Gabby Logan programmes, I embarked on a seemingly never-ending journey of meetings, emails and phone calls.
After a week or two, it quickly became apparent that I wasn't alone. Each of the BBC's other main outlets had assigned some poor sap to sweat out the details of their coverage of the big day.
We met, shared plans, teamed up to bid for guests from Elton John to the Bucklebury village shopkeeper, and generally formed something of a self-help group.
By Friday evening, when the day is finally over, I feel we may need to meet one last time for some kind of group therapy.
5 live's plans are massive.
Come six o'clock on Friday morning, what I hope will be a meticulously planned, carefully-choreographed operation will swing into action. Nicky Campbell will be ready and waiting by Buckingham Palace.
Just a few hundred yards away, Shelagh Fogarty will be among the scores of presenters and reporters from around the world crammed onto what looks like a temporary football stand opposite Westminster Abbey. It will be more than four hours before the world gets its first glimpse of the bride and groom, but we'll be ready.
Most of our presenters and reporters will be out doing slots throughout the day, and into the evening.
That's before the wedding guests start arriving at the Abbey. A cast list of nearly two thousand names that ranges from the uber-celebrities of David and Victoria Beckham to holiday island bar owners and university flatmates.
Over the past three months I've spoken to many of them, and emailed many more. Almost without exception they are polite and friendly, and equally frequently they've got far better things to do on April 29th than worry about radio interviews.
So what of all these contributors? They've agreed to come, and they need to be in the right place at exactly the right time, often during a day that will, for them, involve a hectic schedule of interviews with broadcasters from across the globe.
On top of that, they'll need to be able to move around central London on a day when around a million people will have popped along for a bit of a party, prompting police to close roads from the Embankment right the way to Piccadilly.
The same is true for our producers and presenters. They need to move freely about the route of the procession and talk to as many people in the crowd as possible, all while broadcasting in the highest possible quality, and maintaining communications with base on a day when it will be almost impossible to get a mobile phone signal.
To say the logistics have been difficult is the understatement of the year. In truth, with just days to go, there are many areas that still need work.
It's entirely possible that at least one glamorous, high-profile female 5 live presenter might have to work for up to eight hours without a trip to the toilet, as she'll be cut off from the only portaloos by about twenty thousand spectators. I still haven't told her yet.
Honestly, there's only so much that we can do. The Cabinet Office, Clarence House, Buckingham Palace and Scotland Yard, who have spent months and thousands of man-hours on the security arrangements for the wedding, have two priorities. They want to keep everyone safe, and make sure the public get the best view they can. Often that means we can't get where we need to, or speak to who we want to, but when the safety and enjoyment of so many people is at stake, who can argue?
There's a degree to which planning, even as extensive as it has been in this case, falls apart on the day anyway. People don't turn up on time, access routes that have been promised aren't open, spectators stand where they're not expected.
It often helps to work in radio. Where TV needs cameramen, satellite trucks, make up and lighting, we can broadcast an entire show from a bit of kit that fits in a backpack.
Things will go wrong on the day, and 5 live's team of producers and presenters will go with the flow and adapt to bring you what we hope is the very best coverage of the Royal Wedding. I just hope none of them blame me when they get back.