How to argue like a pro!

Arguments. Disruptive, shouty, upsetting things, right? Proof that you can’t have a civil, adult conversation? Well… not always.

Arguing, whether with your romantic partner, friends or family, is a normal part of any relationship. They get a bad rep, but arguments can be a good way to clear the air, highlight any niggling issues and deal with them once and for all. When done well, an argument can lead the way to an easier, more peaceful future.

But what does it take to argue well? Watch our film to learn more.

How do you argue?

Everyone argues in different ways – as Love Island has shown us:

  • Some people face a row head on: the screamers, the shouters, the ones who hurl insults and make angry lists on their phones...

  • Some might quietly and considerately debate an issue in a normal conversation – still an argument, just not a loud one! As Belle said after her bust up with Anton, “When you shout at someone you lose the battle.”

  • Others don’t engage in arguments at all – they avoid conflict, bury their heads in the sand and walk away, leaving the issues to simmer.

  • Many people fall somewhere in between.

No matter how you act when you blow your top, the most important thing is that you eventually reach a resolution: unresolved arguments can lead to unresolved anger. And nobody wants that!

Top tips for arguing well

Relationship expert Anna Williamson has three great tips to help you top up your arguing game:

  • Listen to each other, and hear what’s being said. If things have become a little heated, step away and calm down. Try counting to 10. When you’re both ready, you should each allow the other person to talk, uninterrupted, about how they’re feeling.

  • Respect the other person. Respect how they communicate (not everyone can handle a slanging match!) and respect their feelings. Empathy (putting yourself in another’s position) can go a long way to understanding the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself: "why are they upset?"

  • Agree to find a resolution – how are you going to end this argument? Unless you’re never going to talk to each other again, you need to find a way forward. Maybe you’ll get your way, maybe they will. Maybe you’ll both compromise, or perhaps you’ll both simply have to agree to disagree. Whatever you decide, draw a line under the argument and move on. Don’t go bringing it all back up next time you’re cross!

Arguments are more than just good TV. They can be useful to draw attention to important issues, allowing you to work through them together, get to know each other better and restore harmony. Just remember to listen carefully and respectfully to the other point of view – and to make sure that they do the same for you.

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