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Plate with 'Um... No.' written on it in foodiStock

These worst date stories will make you swear off romance for life

We would like to announce our official retirement from the dating scene

Ashitha Nagesh

Once upon a time, the only big worries with dating were “should you talk about politics or religion?” and “shall we split the bill?”

But, boy oh boy, how times have changed.

Judging from this recent thread started by Twitter user @_ItsMissBre (aka A Tribe Called Breast), where she asked people to share their dating horror stories, apparently we have a whole host of other things to worry about instead. Like your date urinating in public, or randomly starting to perform a cringe Michael Jackson tribute show in the middle of a hospital.

Yes, the dating scene is pretty rough right now....

This guy doesn’t like to waste any time:

Well The Dark Knight is a very complex film (we’re being sarcastic please don’t @ us):

Bento boxes tho:

And all the married men and women can GTFO:

Ahh yes, smells like racism to us!

And on that theme, this take on colonialism is… a new one:

Please, people, just use a toilet:

Seriously, is peeing in public on dates a thing that happens now?

We just don’t know what to say about this one honestly (although to be fair it sounds kind of glorious):

If that wasn’t enough to put you off dating, there’s also a proliferation of annoying dating behaviours we now have to deal with – which come with their own entirely new glossary of terms to describe how we all might (inadvertently, we guess) screw each other over in relationships.

And it goes beyond ghosting. What if they then start orbiting you, or submarining you with deep likes? And if they don’t ghost you after the first date, maybe they’ll just preat when you start getting serious – or they’ll even go one step further and microcheat. Though, arguably, no date will ever go as badly as this one.

Sigh.

But you know who doesn’t micro-cheat, ghost, or try to justify colonialism? Dogs. Dogs are great.

Instead of trying to date human people, let’s all just adopt some lovely, friendly rescue dogs.

(Although we should warn you – they do pee in public.)