We're pretty conventional. Give us a classic margherita, maybe throw some red onions, spinach and olives on there, and we're happy.
So why, why oh why, do people keep messing around with pizza?
The latest abomination to grace our plates is banana pizza, which is apparently a standard menu item in Sweden. Bleurgh.
One of the most popular banana pizzas in the Scandinavian country is called 'the Afrikana', which has banana, peanuts, mushrooms and curry powder on it - and occasionally, even (brace yourselves) pineapple.
Now, we like bananas. And sure, we like peanuts too. But on a pizza? Not so much.
As you can imagine, we're not the only ones put off by the idea.
Although, surprisingly, some people are really into it.
It's not the first time we've heard about banana on pizza, and we're sure it won't be the last - frankly, this traditional Swedish topping is something we'll never get used to.
But random fruit on pizza is nothing new - and we do have to admit that banana isn't as bad as the 'durian pizza' that's being served in China right now.
If you haven't heard of it, durian is an Asian fruit that is, well, extremely pungent, to put it lightly. Richard Sterling, a food writer, once described it as smelling like "turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock". One of our colleagues here at BBC Three adds that it smells "just like vomit".
If that doesn't give you an idea of how bad the smell is, it may help to know that it's been banned from public transport networks in Singapore because of the stench.
So when the Chinese branch of a restaurant chain decided to start putting durian on a pizza two years ago, it really divided opinion.
Some people are into it...
Whereas others... not so much.
And it's so bad that finishing a whole one is seen as a challenge.
Who'd have thought there'd be a fruity pizza more controversial than pineapple?
But it still doesn't sound as repulsive as that time someone created a Creme Egg pizza.
Yes, this happened. Back in February, a Welsh ice-cream seller came up with a pizza with a caramel flan base, ice cream, sprinkles, chocolate sauce and what looks like five Creme Eggs.
Served in a traditional pizza box, it costs £8 and contains a whopping 2,200 calories – more than the recommended daily calorie count for British women.
The 28-year-old Colwyn Bay vendor, who calls himself 'Mr Ricky, Prince of Desserts', told the Daily Mail inspiration struck when shopping for ingredients. “I saw the flan base and just thought Creme Eggs would be something fun to add on top.”
And the father-of-one says the creation has taken off: “It’s by far our most popular creation. We are selling between 10 and 15 every night.”
Personally, the sugar content alone might cause us to bounce off the walls - but it's not as sickly-looking as this candy cane pizza from last December.
Yeah, we know. When you’ve finished with the vom bucket, here’s the lowdown.
The offender in question behind this creation was a Twitter user called David Sanchez, from Chicago in the US. His crime was evidently pre-meditated, as he posted a series of pictures chronicling the creative process behind the candy cane pizza.
There was a before.
And after, with some poor woman actually sampling a slice.
Unsurprisingly, the Twittersphere verdict was far from positive.
And of course, last November, another social media user decided to unleash this creation upon the world.
Yes, strawberries. On a pizza.
The offering inspired some rather strong reactions - mostly from our gag reflexes.
Although some of them were almost appreciative.
If you like your pizza a bit more, erm, shiny, there's also this extremely ostentatious 24-carat pizza.
Served up in a New York City restaurant, this pizza is covered with caviar, truffles, and real, edible, 24 carat gold leaves. If you’re interested, it costs a mere $2,000 (£1,500). Who needs to pay rent, eh?
We also came across another US pizzeria offering a swamp pizza containing python, alligator sausage and frogs legs.
You can be the judge of that one.
Finally, we’ll leave you with a pizza that’s won us over, not so much for its topping, but the sass with which it was supplied.
In 2005, then Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, made a swipe at Finnish cuisine after successfully campaigning for the European Food Safety Authority to establish its headquarters in Parma, Italy, rather than Helsinki, Finland.
According to The Economist, the PM complained of having to “endure” Finnish food and said, “There is absolutely no comparison between culatello (a kind of ham) from Parma and smoked reindeer.”
Fast forward to 2008 and a Finnish pizzeria entered a competition at the New York Pizza Show with a special creation containing smoked reindeer. The pizza edged out two Neapolitan chefs and claimed first place.
The name of the pizza? It was of course The Berlusconi.
BOOYA. Get a pizza that.
Which of these is the last pizza you'd ever eat?
Originally published 8 December 2017