Sunday 25 March, 2001
Loving Men, Living Lies
Being the marrying kind is all very well, but in a monogamous society the line “until death [or divorce] do us part” cannot be ignored. Or can it?
Everywoman's Loving Men, Living Lies investigates the phenomenon of intelligent women who fall into the love-traps of con men, liars and bigamists. Sheila Keegan follows the stories of two women who are involved with men who are not what they seem.
Bigamy
The accidental bigamist – it sounds unlikely. A tempestuous stag night might conceivably keep a groom from the church gate, and his memory might fail when it comes to anniversary cards, but marriage is a deliberate act. The cost alone is enough to make it a red-letter day on most couples' calendars.
'Overlooking' the need for divorce seems to be the undoing of many a convicted bigamist. In 1995, Ottawa police officer Eric Fenato proudly showed his recent wedding pictures to his young children from a previous marriage.
Stunned, his first wife, Linda, whom he had left while she was pregnant in 1991, asked to see a copy of the divorce. “What divorce?” he replied. But Linda remained silent – for years – fearing that exposing him would bring shame on their children and could end his career and therefore the child support she relied on.
| 'It's not just insecure, vulnerable and financially dependent women who fall for con men' | |
'I am not only very much single, but I have been used and deceived by someone I thought really loved me,' reveals Penny Williams, who discovered that her 'husband' had run up large debts and lied about divorcing his first wife. 'I felt unclean in some way.'
These extraordinary con men aren't just fooling the women in their lives, but also themselves. Closet bigamists are often charmers running away from a personality they'd rather leave behind. It was only after becoming engaged that Rosie discovered her 'husband-to-be' was seriously and simultaneously involved with at least ten other women. He hadn't just cheated on her, he'd re-invented his entire persona.
Polygamy
But why do clever women fall for con men? Samuel Chapman, webmaster and self-proclaimed polygamy expert at polygamy.com, thinks it's nothing more than a matter of numbers and subliminal acceptance. His research suggests that the gender split in the world's population is 49:51, men to women. 'This equates to an excess of single women of marriageable age of nearly seven per cent in the UK.'
'Polygamy,' the controversial character insists, 'is a useful tool for women whose alternatives might otherwise be to remain single, engage in relationships with married men, or use prostitution to earn a living.'
Such questionable assertions are not without support: bigamy is common in the Old Testament and is advocated by the Qu'ran.
'It is, historically, a form of marriage practised all over the world, and more prevalent than monogamy,' says Mary Ben David, a polygamous wife, in her essay From A Woman's Place: The Case For Polygamy.
'There are two or more to share the housework, the cooking, the childcare, freeing each one to pursue independent goals and objectives.' Her assertion that 'wives should be submissive to their husbands' might not sit too well with the feminist movement, however.
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In 1998 a UK judge ordered Robin Brown to perform 200 hours of community service and pay £54 costs, when he was found to have married three times without being divorced from his first wife.
Brown married his first wife Deirdre Stafford in 1978, but the couple split up two years later. They obtained a decree nisi in 1981 but the divorce was never finalised with a decree absolute.
Brown went on to marry Pauline Ashby bigamously in October 1986, but the couple were divorced in 1990. By then, Brown had already married his third wife Diane Butler, in September 1989.
Prosecutor Geoff Nash said: 'At that stage, of course he was still married to his first wife and to Pauline Ashby because their divorce had not gone through.'
Brown and Ms Butler, who was also legally married to someone else, split up in September 1991, Mr Nash told the court.
Brown then committed bigamy in June 1996 when he married Marcia Vowles at Bristol Register Office.
Tim Burrows, defending, said Brown had genuinely believed his first marriage was over and that he was free to wed.
Mr Burrows said:
'Mr Brown did not have a full grasp of the divorce procedures. He is not a literate man and he relied on others… He believed that if people were separated for five years then the marriage automatically comes to an end.' |
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