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Thursday, 18 February 2010

The carnival's here!

Thanks for posting a few more photos about the chicken dish and your grandma's jam. I'm sure everyone who's following your blog enjoyed them! I know both dishes make my mouth water just looking at them.

You trip to the funfair looked really enjoyable. I can't believe you went on all those rides! You must be very brave.

Your pictures brought back lots of happy memories for me because they reminded me of the time that I worked on a funfair in the USA. That was when I was a student (there's a special working holiday visa that students here can get to work in America for a few months in the summer).

I worked on a game called The Bushel Baskets. It was one of those games that always looks so easy to play but somehow seems almost impossible to win and you never walk away with the amazing huge prize on offer. Did you try any games while you were at the fair in Ohio, and did you have any luck at them?

Here's a picture of me (it was taken a long time ago!) in front of the game, with some of the huge Tommy bears, as they were called. (The boss's name was Tommy. I guess that's one of the perks of being the boss – you get to name the products after you!)



I thought today we'd look at sentence length (again), your word choice and some past simple verbs.

Sentence length
Let's look at this sentence first. It's very long for one sentence. I mentioned a tip for breaking up longer sentences into shorter ones in my last blog. Another good tip when you're thinking about the length of your sentences is to bear in mind that there should be one main idea per sentence. In your sentence you're got three ideas – your sister's fear, Jami's warning, and your desire to get on the ride – so you really should have three sentences. So you first homework task is to try to divide this sentence into three separate sentences.
link

My sister Asma rode it before three years, she reached the end line with her mouth moved away in her face with the fear, and my brother in law Jamil reached with his standing hair and blown head, therefore, at this time, they warned me and tried to prevent me from riding it, but I had a strong wish to ride it, to have a challenge and to see what will happen with me.

Word choice
Next, I'd like to you look at some of your word choices. I understand almost all of what you're saying here but I've highlighted a few items and I'd like you to decide which of the two options offered would be better.
My sister Asma rode it before three years, she reached the end line with her mouth moved away in her face with the fear, and my brother in law Jamil reached with his standing hair and blown head, therefore, at this time, they warned me and tried to prevent me from riding it, but I had a strong wish to ride it, to have a challenge and to see what will happen with me.

before three years
a) three years ago
b) in the next three years


the end line
a) the end of the ride
b) the end of the queue


with his standing hair
a) with his hair standing on end
b) with his hair standing on end


I'm not quite sure what you mean here:

with her mouth moved away in her face with the fear

I think you might have translated from Arabic. Can you try to rephrase for us? I think maybe you meant something like:

Her mouth was open in a huge scream.

But I'm really not sure at all.

Past simple verbs
In this paragraph I've highlighted some verbs. Most of your story is in the past tense, so can you look at the highlighted verbs and see if you can put them into the correct form? Some of the them are regular verbs and some of them are irregular.

I kept my arms down, my head back, and hold on, the tree lights count down to green, launched to speed of 120 mph in less than 4 seconds, rising my hands and climbed 420 feet into the air, crest a massive hill and spiral 270 degrees, felt as if my legs were separated from my body, in this moment I hold on strongly and closed my eyes then opened them to see the earth from this point, oh god…where I am? Then speed towards the finish line rising my hands again, the entire experience was over in 17 seconds. Yes, it was the Top Thrill Dragster; which is one of the tallest and fastest roller coasters on Earth.

Looking forward to your next posting.

All the best,

Nuala
Vocabulary
make my mouth water – (idiom) food that looks delicious
one of the perks of - one of the advantages of
name the products after you - call tue products the same name as you
tip – piece of advice
to bear in mind – to think about or to consider
per – for each

Comments

Hi Nuala, it's so nice to read your posting. The picture you showed us is very beautiful. I'd guess you're the one on the left of the picture, am I right? thanks for the advice on long sentences. It sure helps a lot. I'll go on following your advices very carefully. Good bye for now. Mauricio.

Hi, Nuala. You wrote "when I was student". That is very much alike what I would have said in Swedish (när jag var student). I wonder why there's not an article. Wouldn't you say "he is a doctor"? Why then "when I was student"? Isn't student a noun? It is not as if it was written "when I was studying"... or is it?

Hi Kirsti, That was just a typo on my part. Thanks for spotting it. I've fixed it now.

Thanks, Nuala. I am a little disappointed, I would have loved it not being a typo but something said in some corners of the UK.

Thanks for all your contributions. This blog has now closed and can no longer accept new comments.

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