Shirley Posts: "It's Complicated"
It's been more than a week since I wrote my last blog. Thank you to all of you who have been reading this blog. I will reply your comments after the post.
Listening to: "You and I"- Michael Bublé
When I wrote on BBC LE last September, I shared a bit about my relationship and one year anniversary. Well, one month after that we decided to break up due to basic principle. It was hard for both of us, and we decided to keep the status on Facebook as "It's Complicated" so that our friends wouldn't respond to it.
One day, a friend asked me about it. He said, "What does it mean? You are in, or you are not. As simple as that." I laughed and explained the whole thing to him. He said as humans we actually like to make things complicated. "Everything is simple," he claimed. I didn't argue about it. But there's got to be a reason why Mark Zuckerberg added that option into his masterpiece, right?
Well, there is a relationship phenomenon that has been booming in young adult societies. Different countries label it with different term, but it is basically the same: a mutual relationship which cannot be categorized as friendship or (romantic) commitment. In my country, it is called "teman tapi mesra" (TTM or intimate friends). The closest term in English would be "friends with benefit". If you think this is not serious, well, I beg to differ. The truth is a typical relationship like this becomes more popular and it could go on for quite a long time. Although both parties are not committed, but they are actually lovers in disguise. The most common reason why people do it is because they have particular standard in their head about an ideal partner, and this other person doesn't actually meet the expectation. While discovering that they are actually compatible with the other person, they keep on denying their feelings. They both would keep on looking and looking for that "special someone", while filling their lonely days with this 'friend'. A lot of people sacrifice their feelings in this term. While one might get away feeling nothing, the other might be left with severe heartbreak. Still, there is no one to blame.
Needless to say, I am heading towards this tunnel. I will tell you what's on the other side when I get there. Do share it with me if you feel this phenomenon is also happening in your country.
PS. To Carlos (ARG) thank you and take care. To Rajesh (GER) thanks for sharing you experience. True, we shouldn't regret the past. To Leila (FIN) thank you! To James (TWN) I'm glad you enjoy the article. To Ie2 (INA) salam kenal, hope you will enjoy the next blogs, too. Season's Greetings!
- written in Jakarta, Indonesia
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