So how do you get a couple of hundred genteel ladies from Bath to shout obscenely rude words at a stage?

The Vagina Monologues, now showing at the Bath Theatre Royal, just could be the answer.

The Vagina Monologues, back in Bath after last years sell-out run, is
Eve Ensler's pioneering play that has not only put vaginas on the map but become a theatrical phenomenon.

A theatrical phenomenon that found not only me but half the female population of Bath settling into our seats, on Wednesday night, to the defiant sound track of 'Girls Just want to have Fun'.

And we did just want to have fun...

As the house lights dimmed, the standard announcement of 'Please make sure all mobile phones are switched off' was supplemented with 'Or put them on vibrate and enjoy'...

With that the tone of the evening was set.

To say I had no preconceived ideas of what to expect would be to lie.

In fact I was primed and ready for an extravaganza of 'Sex in the City' meets bumper issue of Cosmo meets Agony Aunt.

Sarah Green

But that wasn't what I got. Not even close.

To start with The Vagina Monologues is not your typical play. There's no music, no plot and the staging is - well simple.

The premise is even simpler. Three women, sitting on three stools, in front of three microphones talking vaginas.

In Bath our vagina spokeswomen were ex-Blue Peter Presenter Sarah Greene, TV personality Andrea Oliver and Anne Charleston aka Madge Bishop in Neighbours.

Performing in voices ranging from breathy, through sexy to screamingly orgasmic our vagina monologuers retold the stories of real women, in real interviews discussing their what's 'down there'.

Real women facing off-beat questions like "If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?" and returning answers like: 'Glasses', 'Only Armani' or 'Strictly machine washable.'

Or "If your vagina could talk, what would it say, in two words?". A question, it seems, that would have the hapless male facing a barrage of bossy orders from two separate sources. Amongst the quick fire answers were: 'Slow Down', 'Start Again', 'Not Yet' and the wheedling 'Remember Me'.

Interlaced with these quick fire question rounds were some penis versus vagina statistics (which sees the vagina come out on top so to speak) and a series of in depth monologues from individual women.

It was these monologues that were the backbone of the show. At times moving, at times chair squirmingly uncomfortable and occasionally blurtingly funny but all completely different.

Stories like the 60 year-old woman who encounters her first orgasm is recounted side by side with the story of the young Bosnian woman describing being brutally raped. The six-year-old girl's simple analogies rubs shoulders with the lesbian homeless woman's experience and the sex worker's tale.

Despite all the stories being beautifully brought to life by the performers, most notably Andrea Oliver, the overall bizarre mix of stand-up meets group therapy meets market research meets feel good rally didn't really do it for me.

But surrounded by a heaving mass of shrieking and whooping women all dying of laughter it seemed like I might have been the only one.

What can I say? It all seemed a bit of a dated cliché, to me, and overall dare I say it... a tad American.

My advice don't even think about going if you don't have a vagina and if you do... get ready for a 90-minute vagina 101.

The Vagina Monologues runs at the Theatre Royal Bath from Monday 5th April to Saturday 10th April at 9.15pm, with a Friday matinee at 5pm.

Ticket prices range from £14 - £18 for evening performances (£12.50 for Friday matinee) and are available from the Theatre Royal Bath Box Office on 01225 448844.

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ali
Thank you for having a similar view to mine!! I felt like I was being up-tight as the only not falling about in fits of hysterics every 5 minutes. The sad bits finished too quickly to get any real emotional involvement and the funny bits just weren't that funny! A nice idea (y'know pride in being a woman etc) let down by emphasising effect (ooh we get to shout rude words!) over content.

Karen

The show was excellent, it was very funny but there were also some very poignant pieces as well. I hadn't brought a program before the show so I didn't realise the show helped raise money for girls and women who have suffered rape and abuse. It was the monologues about a girl who suffered abuse and a girl who had been released from a Bosnian rape camp really made this issue hit home. To me Sarah Green was Blue Peter and a presenter I didn't realise she had been through drama school etc. She was very good, her version of the Queens speech had everyone in stitches. It is a show I would go and see again.