I've always been afraid to tell people my feelings. I suppose it's because I'm afraid they might think I'm not fit to be a mother.

I was just fifteen when I had my child. All through my pregnancy I was happy, and for the first year of motherhood I was fine.

When I turned sixteen I moved into my own home. I was coping but I became really homesick. I started to realise just how much I needed my own mother. At the time I only lived one street away from her, so I was constantly back and fore to her house. I knew that I was becoming a nuisance, but didn't care.

Everybody used to say to me - 'you are always happy with the way things are, nothing is a problem with you'. What they didn't realise was that it was a front. Behind all the laughs and joking around was a teenage girl realising that she had thrown her life away.

I used to tell people that I didn't mind having the baby so young, because it meant that when I turned thirty my child would be fifteen - almost old enough to look after itself, and I would be able to live my life then. I think deep down I knew that it was all just a dream - although I am still vowing to take my child to Ibiza and go clubbing when he turns eighteen.

When I turned seventeen I was constantly getting really painful headaches. Sometimes they would be so bad that I would be sick, and I was back and fore to the doctor. I would never tell them how I was feeling. I just told them it was headaches. They did mention the fact that it could be down to stress but never depression.

A couple of months after turning seventeen, I moved to a smaller but nicer house. The rent was a bit extra but nothing I couldn't afford. By this time I had grown up a lot and wasn't missing my mother so much. What I was missing was the fact that I didn't have a life anymore. All my friends would be down town on the pull and I was stuck in the house with a two year old.

Just before I turned eighteen I became very depressed. I started falling out with people. If I wasn't comfort eating, then I was comfort shopping. I would go to town and spend most of my money on shoes or clothes just to make me happy again. My addiction became so bad that I couldn't afford to pay my rent or water bills. I would worry all the time and was no longer sleeping. I started drinking quite regularly just so that I could get some sleep.

One day I had an argument with my boyfriend about him going out. Even so he went out that night. I can remember sitting on the floor in tears thinking 'why am I alive?' I no longer had any self respect and just wanted to die.

I started to drink a couple of cans of lager. My little boy was in the other room watching TV and playing with his toys. After two cans of lager I decided that I didn't want to live anymore. I grabbed the box of paracetamols and popped them all out ready to swallow. I took four and debated whether to take any more.

Just then my little boy came out the kitchen and said 'Are you okay mammy?' He sat down next to me and put his arm around me and said 'It's okay mammy - I love you'. It was then that I found my reason for living. How could I be so selfish and leave such a loving little boy without a mother?

I now know the reason I was so depressed. I was young and I realised what I was missing out on. I suppose I just wanted it back. I also became insecure and jealous that my boyfriend would be out all the time. I became paranoid that he was cheating on me - but it was all in my head. On top of that I got myself into debt.

Now I'm nineteen, I'm a lot happier and am no longer on anti-depressants. My son is in school, so I have more time to myself. My boyfriend occasionally baby-sits on weekends so that I can go out with my friends and we are spending a lot more time together as a family. My debts too are slowly becoming smaller.

I do still get the odd day where I feel low, but nothing as bad as before. In future, if I start feeling that way I will go straight to the doctor before it gets too bad.

There is something I'd like to say to people out there. If you think you may be depressed, then don't be afraid to go to your doctor. They are there to help. This time last year I had just started to take my tablets. I wouldn't have dreamed in a million years that I would be writing about this. Now I find the more people I tell the easier it becomes.