Q: My son is four years old and we have been having problems with his behaviour at school and his attitude at home. The other problem I have is getting him to stay in his own bed; he hasn't slept through the night for more than two nights since he was two. I have tried all sorts of ways to deal with the problems - star charts, time out, ignoring but they don't seem to be working. I am exhausted and really would like some advice. One concern I have is that he may be having trouble at school and nobody has picked up on it. Some advice would be great.Jane, Cambridge.
A: You may be right and your son may be worrying about something at school. Perhaps you could have a chat with his teacher and check that everything is all right there. Also, ask him if anything is worrying him. Losing sleep must make life very difficult. Do you have a good bedtime routine? Try to give him a bath and some wind-down time at the same time each evening. It's important to avoid any sort of rowdy games or playing on a computer after this time. Perhaps he could listen to a storytape in his bed. If he comes into your bed in the night take him back and tell him that you are next door but he is a big boy now and he needs to sleep in his own bed. If he has difficulty settling, put on the tape again for him. You may find the situation gets worse before it gets better so be prepared. However, over a couple of weeks you will see him get used to being in his own bed. Be consistent and praise him for staying put - even if it's only for part of the night at the beginning.
Q: My daughter is only 5 and yesterday she scraped 4 crosses with a stone into a teacher's car. The damage was extensive and I am worried sick, I just don't know what to do. She is really clever but she doesn't listen in class and is very disruptive, she constantly defies her teacher and takes ages with work which we all know she can do with ease. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore as nothing seems to get through to her, I feel this has to be nipped in the bud immediately before she goes any further. Any help would be greately appreciated. Lyn, Glasgow.
A: Children need to know what the rules are and the consequences of breaking those rules. At five years of age this must be explained in a short and simple way. Here are some key pointers:1. Try to avoid long explanations about why she should not have done what she did. Keep it simple and point out what she has done wrong e.g "harming other people's things is wrong." Tell her the consequences of her actions - "if you do this, then XXX will happen". Check that she has understood what will happen - draw a picture or write it down to remind her if necessary.2. Punish her straight after the action if you can - keep it short and keep it fair but make sure she knows why she's being punished. 3. After she has been punished, return to normal behaviour. Tell her you love her, but not her actions. Speak to the teacher and tell her what you are doing to deal with your daughter's behaviour. Also tell others who are involved in her upbringing such as grandparents - being consistent is important for success.Is there a reason for your daughter's behaviour? Has she got many friends? Could this be a cry for help? Has something changed recently such as a new baby in the family, moving house...? This can sometimes cause a change in behaviour in an otherwise settled child.It is often a good idea to keep a diary to see if certain days provoke certain behaviour and if there is any pattern to her behaviour - use a code such as ABC- A=antecedent( what goes before), B= behaviour and C= consequences.
