We all want our children to behave well at home, as well as at school, and make a positive contribution to family life.

Here are a few key things you can do as a parent, even when your children are very small. They will encourage your children to feel positive about themselves and to promote good behaviour - which doesn't mean letting them do what they want all the time, but setting boundaries and disciplining in a useful way. It's about the way you behave to create the right environment and build a good relationship with your children.

If you are having problems with the way a child is behaving, you may decide to start a new regime where rules are set and you monitor their - and your - progress. It's a good idea to keep your partner, grandparents or close friends in on your plans, and get their perspective and help on things, and on your progress. You may choose to do this when the child is not around, but sometimes it will help your child if they hear you praising their progress to people who matter. Talk to teachers too, and tell them what you are trying to achieve. They may be able to work with you for a concerted effort at home and school.

Building a relationship

Good, clear communication is vital:

• Do you tell your child what you want him or her to do and when, or expect them to know?
• When you're talking to a child about their behaviour, be clear and precise. Suggest a strategy to achieve the action, rather than giving them a telling-off.
• Are your expectations too great for the age of your child?
• Have things changed in parenting since you were a child? Explaining and involving, rather than ordering, is seen now as the best way of doing things.
• Talk to other parents and ask them how they handle situations.
• Involve the whole family in decisions, so they all feel valued.

• Ring-fence time for each of your children - each one needs your time. Even five minutes of protected time can feel special for a child when they are being listened to.
• When you set aside special time, decide when it'll happen and stick to your plans.

• love for a child needs to be unconditional, and not dependent on how the child has behaved.
• Tell your child that you love them, and it's their behaviour that you don't like, NOT them. In other words, separate the deed from the person.
• Do you tell your child how you feel about them? Everyone needs to hear it from time to time

Promote self esteem and good behaviour

• Your child will feel good if they are told that they are good.
• Don't compare your child's actions to others - judge them against their own behaviour and achievement. In particular, don't compare siblings to one another- otherwise you'll start a competition that can't be won!
• Focus on the good. It's easy to concentrate only on bad behaviour - but 'good' behaviour may be just something your child does that is only half way right, but the effort they make to try should always be praised. Sometimes general good behaviour is hard to see, so look for it, however small.
• Ignore the bad, unless unsafe - with small children, making a fuss about bad behaviour gives them attention, which is what they want, and they'll repeat the behaviour.
• Praise as soon as you see positive behaviour so this encourages more. Ask your child how they could do things better, so they are involved in making decisions about their behaviour.
• Praise should be sincere, specific and immediate, and make the child feel valued by you.

Useful website:
BBC Parenting
Communicating with children of any age and key parenting skill.