How you behave

You will be inconsistent! But try to be consistently inconsistent - that's normal!

• If your partner lives at home, try to form a united front where discipline is concerned. You both need to follow the same rules for coping with your children (it's no good one of you being very strict and the other very lax)
• Don't argue in front of a child about how you should deal with their problems/poor behaviour.
• Make sure grandparents or other relatives/close friends are in on the rules, so that the system doesn't fall down when your child goes to stay with them.
• Be a role model. Are you a 'Do as I say' or 'Do as I do' person? If your child doesn't see good behaviour in you, why should they do what you say?
• Do we expect different rules and reactions from children and adults? For example, do you shout and swear when you're angry, but prefer your children not to act in the same way? What better strategies could you use so you and your children can diffuse their anger?

Progress? Give yourselves time and reward

It takes at least 30 days to change a habit that has taken months or even years to form, so if you're changing the way you behave with your children, be patient.

• Don't try to change too many areas at one time - we often expect too much and too soon and then are disappointed when we don't see improvements at a fast enough pace.
• Set small achievable goals for you and your child.
• Know that at times it will all go wrong, but that you can get things back on track soon.
• Decide what is important rather than urgent. Be flexible about how you are going to change - you may need to adapt as you go along.
• Tell the child when it's not working and involve them in deciding on something different.
• Keep a diary - this is often a good way of seeing small changes over a period of time.
• Reward your child for improvement, and yourself for success!

Read teacher Helen Davies' experience of 'positive reinforcement' in the classroom.