Children need to know how far they can go.

• Create some house rules. What is reasonable? What is important to you? Don't try to have 100 rules for everything, it just causes confusion for you and your child - and you'll forget them. Write down a few key things that are important as things are now.
• Make sure they know what the house 'rules' are, and make the boundaries explicit - don't assume your child will know what they are.
• Discuss with them what will happen if they break the rules. You could allow the child to choose the consequences of their actions ('What do you think your punishment should be if you do xyz?') - often they'll consider far worse punishments than you would!
• Rules are for all the house to keep - not just the naughty child, who needs to see that the rules are for all.

Telling off, punishment and reward
Where punishing a child is concerned, act on what is appropriate for each child, not on what is 'fair' for all - you can't win that one! Every child has different strengths and weaknesses, so different approaches may be required for each child for their specific behaviour. Consider whether to reward or deny - sometimes rewarding one child for a small improvement has the same effect as punishing another.

• Don't tell your child off in front of peers or siblings.
• Never humiliate your child in public - they'll only resent you. Remember, the way you discipline needs to build their self-esteem, not knock it back.
• Try removing them from a situation where they are behaving badly, so they have time to gain control and composure.
• Recognise the early signs of an explosion, and try to head it off before it happens.
• Give 'time out' rather than keeping on arguing.
• If you are grounding a child, chose an appropriate time that you can keep to and that is fair in comparison to the behaviour.
• Work towards gaining privileges, or reward in a more direct way. With a small child, try a star chart for good behaviour - this can sometimes work for a period of time, but do make sure there are achievable goals so they get their stars. For older children, a point system can work if they are saving up towards an item - but again, make it achievable.

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