Too lazy to get a hobby? Then check out our Top 10 Hobbies for Couch Potatoes.

1. Pointless box watching
Recommended brain-dead programmes include: 24-hour Big Brother broadcasts, any American or British chat show, the QVC channel, any film staring Keanu Reeves.

2. Junk foodathon
Crisps, chocolate, milk shakes, lard – eat as much of it as you can whilst pointless box watching.

3. Pro-celebrity navel gazing
Whilst watching hours upon hours of mindless television, why not play pro-celebrity navel gazing? The rules are quite simple: keep an eye out for any exposed midriffs appearing on your tv screen. Now make a note of the belly-buttons on display. Are they ‘innies’ or ‘outties’? Score 1 point for an ‘innie’ and 3 points for an ‘outtie’.

4. Collect toe-cheese
Whilst lying on the couch, stir yourself enough to collect the gross cheesy stuff that coagulates beneath your toenails. You can do this using the end of a pencil, or the straw from your milkshake. If you collect enough of the stuff, you can go on to create a toe-cheese sculpture of Keanu Reeves. (The same fun can also be had with earwax, boogers, and navel fluff).

5. Yawn-stifling
Doing nothing can be dead tiring. In order to stay awake, try yawn-stifling. If you manage to go 60-seconds without yawning, reward yourself with another packet of lard.

6. Webcam watching
If the idea of watching tv for prolonged periods proves too racey for you, why not try webcam-watching? There are some profoundly boring webcam sites out there. Try the Lochness website for a start. See Links.

7. Pointless armchair record setting with a Playstation
Try setting the slowest ever lap record on Gran Turismo 3. Alternatively, try setting a record for the amount of times you can kill Lara Croft in 5 minutes.

8. Pin the mushy pea to the donkey
An alternative to the childhood party favourite of pinning the tail to the donkey. In this instance, sit in front of the telly with a teaspoon and an opened tin of mushy peas. Every time a donkey appears on your television screen, try landing a mushy pea on its tail. 10 points for a direct hit. By the way, don’t bother with the blindfold – it’s too much effort.

9. Armchair train spotting
The ultimate couch potato hobby: spotting trains on the telly.

10. Come off it!
If at any point you have either:

a) seriously considered, or
b) actually done

any of the above, we advise you to:

a) visit the rest of this site for inspiration, and then
b) GET A LIFE!