10: John and Yoko/Plastic Ono Band - Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (1972)

John Lennon's best days were mostly behind him by 1972, but he still managed to rustle up a classic melody now and then. Even if the anti-war sentiment and kids chorus are a little cloying, this is still a great festive song for all faiths. Hare Rama indeed.

9: Dean Martin - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! (1959)

Because few songs can match this for conjuring up feelings of warmth on a cold winter evening, of the excitement of Christmas lights, and curling up in front of a fire with a loved one. Bliss.

8: Wham! - Last Christmas (1984)

George Michael is said to have written this song upstairs at his parents' house while Andrew Ridgeley was downstairs watching Match Of The Day. Last Christmas still stands up as one of the great festive heartbreakers, though it was held off the top spot by the all-conquering Band Aid.

Complete with a video featuring great hair and chunky knitwear, it was a double a-side with Everything She Wants - not a bad song either.

7: Ding Dong Merrily On High (trad)

Our favourite carol, if only for the descending 'Gloria' stretching over 33 syllables. Wonderful stuff.

6: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (1952)

Its jaunty melody may inspire festive feelings, but we know what this song is really about. Written by Englishman Tommie Connor, it's a dark tale of infidelity in which the final verse runs: "I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus, underneath his beard so snowy white. Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night." We're sure Daddy would have thought so, yes.

5: The Twelve Days Of Christmas (trad)

We all know that Christmas is a feast of excess. But consider the poor protagonist of this song, whose hapless lover on one day alone gave her the following: 12 leaping lords, 11 dancing women, 10 pipers, nine drummers, eight milk maids, seven swans, six geese and their eggs, five gold rings, four noisy birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, a partridge AND a bloomin' pear tree.

Who on earth gives a tree for Christmas? And that's not forgetting the dozens of gifts from all the previous days. At least the gold rings would make a good settlement if she filed for divorce in the new year.

4 and 3: Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday and Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody (both 1973)

Clearly 1973 was a zenith for Christmas songs, thanks to glam rock and an unwillingness to believe that mutton chop sideburns and mirrored top hats might possibly look ridiculous. Wizzard's classic failed to reach number one, but still keeps Roy Wood in beard-trimming kits to this day.

2: The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale Of New York (1987)

When this was released in 1987, who'd have thought that Shane MacGowan would still be going strong today, while Kirsty MacColl has sadly departed for the great gig in the sky? Produced by Elvis Costello, this classic is one of the few festive songs that don't warrant an Asbo to be slapped on the creators. Ridiculously, it only got to number two in the singles chart, as it does here.

1: Darlene Love - (Christmas) Baby Please Come Home (1963)

The highlight, by some distance, of Phil Spector's epochal album A Christmas Gift For You, this festive magnum opus boasted Darlene Love's impassioned pleas to an absent lover, chiming bells, honking saxes and the legendary wall of sound, and all in less than three minutes.

It's regretfully overlooked by festive broadcasters. U2 covered it in 1987, badly, but don't let that put you off - this is how all Christmas songs should sound. And in the words of Wales' very own Shakin' Stevens, merry Christmas everyone!

And a load of baubles:

Mud - Lonely This Christmas. Reportedly Michael Jackson's favourite Christmas song.
Bing Crosby - White Christmas. Too soporific to make our grade. Sorry Bing.
Aled Jones - Walking In The Air. We feel bad for Peter Auty, who sang it originally in The Snowman but for years went uncredited.
Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time. Typifies McCartney lacklustre output in the 80s.
Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas. Because there will be snow in Africa this year. And every year.
The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End). Balding one-trick ponies make a bid for posterity with this slightly rude festive number.
Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree (1962). Ruined for us by a crap 80s cover version by Mel Smith and Kim Wilde.
Jona Lewie - Stop The Cavalry. Does anyone actually like this song?
The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping. Ditto.
Anything by Cliff Richard.