One of life's more sensitive moments for Paddy and his organ.
This digital story includes language which some people might find offensive.
"Dad, d'you know in September... can I have piano lessons in school?" asked our nine-year-old daughter, Sophie.
"Yeah, of course you can love", I replied. By a massive stroke of luck, two days later, Claire's auntie offered us an old organ she was throwing out.
Claire and me had been together for years but we finally decided to get married.
My stag night was soon upon me so off we went. As part of a long-standing tradition I was dumped naked off the bus 20 miles from home. However in the mayhem, I don't know how but I received a injury to my privates, bruised and swollen it was.
With just 3 days before the wedding a night was arranged so I could meet all Claire's family before the big day, we were meeting in a pub for a meal and some drinks.
Being a bit of a tight arse I was the last to enter the pub where they were all waiting. While standing at the bar one of Claire's uncles shouted from the other side of the pub, "Paddy boy, how's the organ?" I was a little surprised because he never struck me as the crude type.
"Alright ", I shouted back, "it's still a bit sore but the swelling has gone down."
He looked at me a little confused... but then continued, "Has Claire played a tune on it yet?"
This really surprised me. "No" I shouted back. Then, grabbing my groin and thrusting my pelvis, "But she's going to on the wedding night!"
By this time the whole pub was looking at me opened mouthed and I could feel my face going red.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
I realised there had been a terrible misunderstanding and quickly made my exit to the Men's Room.
I can just imagine what they must of been thinking... "Is she really marrying him".