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16 October 2014

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My Life and My PC

By Nikisha N
May 2002, Neath
A digital story from Capture Wales

Coping with obesity

Nikisha discusses issues surrounding her weight and how she has dealt with this through help from an internet chatroom she now hosts.

"Hey! There's a person here,
not just Eeyore
hiding behind a door.

I open the door - the screen to my PC
I surf the net and look in rooms.
I show my profile with a pic of me,
People look and disagree.

I change my ID to a beauty queen
I'm accepted in society, yeah!
I think it's unfair,
Just not my flair.

Just scan the rooms from peers to romance and none do I find.

I stop, stare,
can this be a room for me?
So I change my ID,
thinking Big Beautiful Women is the place to be
because of my obesity.
At last, people really accepting me.

The last time I went out, being made fun of,
the house became my sanctuary.

Lonely, unhappy, suicidal, depressed, God what a sight to see.
Just going out to see my GP.

I went for surgery to remedy me,
stomach bypass,
diet of five hundred calorie.

From 35 stone to 42.
This didn't work, oh why me?

As a child, so small, as petite as can be.
Dad used to call me Pipi Longstocking
Yeah! That was me!

Then I grew into obesity,
a stomach stapling it had to be.

Wow! A reduction of 25 stone.
At last, a life for me.

Mad hair days to outings galore,
A meet in 'Brum' for me and my chum.

A place I would not be if not for my PC.
My friends, too many to mention at Big Beautiful Women, so dear to me.

Here I would not be, if not for them.
They help me see,
the life out there for you and for me."

What are you currently doing Nikisha?
I'm studying Computers, Drama, Art and Local History at the moment, and I'm enjoying it tremendously. I am also the hostess of a chatroom, that is very dear to me.

What story did you have to tell?
The story is about myself and how I wasn't accepted within society because of my obesity. From hosting a chatroom, dedicated to Big Beautiful Women all around the world, we now have over 200 people who regularly visit. I thought it would be interesting for people out there to see how a disabled person has had to cope with obesity and coming from 42 stone to what I am now.
The way I have portrayed myself across in the chat room, has meant that people are accepting me now, and as I said in my story - there is now a life for me. I want to break this barrier of people thinking that large women like myself eat a lot. I am a person, I am a woman, I am big and I am most definitely beautiful. Grrrrr!!

Did you enjoy the workshop?
I thoroughly enjoyed the workshop, it was fabulous. I had such a good time and I really enjoyed watching my finished film, it was worth all the hard work.

Your comments

"Good for you Nikisha. This reminded me of a wonderfull girl I traveled with in the US. Her name is Polly from Leicester England. If this is the same Polly." Derf Sanders, Chicago, Illinois, USA.

"Kisha, wow! Great film and I know exactly what you mean. My home is also my sanctuary, both because of my weight and my depression. You are an inspiration." Karen, Paisley, Scotland.

"It's wonderful, brought tears to my eyes and so close to home too." Polly, Leicester, England.

"This is a heart wrenching story that is soo true to my own heart. I feel for Kisha as I know exactly where she is coming from. From one big beautiful woman to another - from the outside we are not thin, but inside we are the same as the stick insect things!! :o)" Wendals, Nottingham, England.

"I am a fellow hostess of the chatroom BBW and all I can say is that knowing kisha personally I am so proud of her." Ellie-Louise (silverlady24), Coventry, England.

"I thought that this was a great film and that Nikisha has gone through a lot to be able to do this - she is quite a shy person underneath her loudness." Mark, Cambridge.

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