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16 October 2014

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Adam J Hughes: No White Gates

No White Gates

By Adam J Hughes
May 2005, Wrexham
A digital story from Yale College

"Everything was blurry. He said, "It's ok, I'm only drunk." He had drunk a lot but so had everyone else. He complained of being hot. People's voices were warped and merged into one long drone. He started to stagger about and said everything felt jumpy. He suddenly started to sweat and felt tired. He closed his eyes and then nothing.

People ask me what it's like to die but I don't remember. The simple fact that I died and there was nothing, no light at the end of the tunnel, no white gates. There wasn't even a second in which I thought "is this it?" This is so scary thinking that death might actually be like this. But as well as being scared of death, I'm annoyed by the fact that it just ended like that, I wasn't given the chance. There was nothing I could do.

I had no idea this had happened to me when my eyes opened. It only felt like a second but it had been a lifetime. I realised where I was - hospital. But why? Confused and worried I looked at the machines connected to me. I don't know whether it was the pain in my ribs, the drip in my hand or the simple fact that I was alone but I cried. A soft childlike cry. Why was I alone? People should have been there - doctors, family, the friends who were at the bloody party. I felt let down, like I'd been forgotten. The doctors told me I'd been spiked by ketomene or liquid ecstasy, they don't know which. They told me that because I was drunk I couldn't tell any different, and then blacked out, got taken to hospital and rushed to the emergency room. My breathing started to waiver at first and them my heart rate began to decrease. The doctors panicked and then my heart beat raced going faster and faster, it couldn't cope with the pressure and almost exploded apparently. Then it stopped. I died without knowing, with no one there, that was it, just for a moment. It has made me realise that anything can happen without your knowledge or control so I must live life to the full and enjoy it all. I'm still scared of dying, but at least now I'm not scared of living anymore."

Adam J Hughes

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