Oul times an oul wyes
Ullans Speakers Association - Article 43 – June 2012
By Charlie ‘Tha Poocher’ Reynolds
They sae ye shud niver luk baak but shure wae ir aye daein it an A’m nae different.
Onywye A wus switherin aboot things that A saa dane whun A wus leevin roon Stranocum awa baak in tha late forties. It’s funny A kan mine awa baak then an A cudnae tell ye what A dane last Tuesday.
Noo here is yin for ye… A mine if ye had bane geen an oul book ir newspaper frae a freen, ye wud hae hel it up tha chimley in amang tha peat reek. Why did ye dae that? Weel it wus sed that it wud kill ony germs that micht hae bane on it. Nooadeys wae oor modern wyes o leevin, ye wud hae bother daein that, an aff coorse lakely them wha knows wud tell is that it wus a loc oul baloney onywye.
Pixies ir somethin else that wudnae be tae tha fore nooadeys. Noo A think some yins think that A’m awa wae tha pixies but A’m no taakin aboot tha wee folk. Naw – A’m taakin aboot wullin pixies that wud hae bane knit for tha wee lasses tae weer on thaur heid whun tha waather wus coul. They wur suppose tae stap ye taakin sore lugs but if A mine richt, whun they tuk them aff in tha betther weather, tha first thing they tuk wus sore lugs.
Camferrated oil wus anither graet concocshun that wud hae bane rubbed on yer breest in tha wunther tae help ye breathe betther an stap ye frae taakin tha coul. Noo A’m shure it had its guid points but ye cud hae smelt it a mile aff.
Anither thing tae stap ye frae taakin tha coul wus tha weerin o a sheet o broon paper in alow yer gansey. Noo, A dinnae know whuther it wus based on ony scientific knowledge but it made tha sayious noise whun ye moved aboot.
Aff coorse weans baak then wur dosed wae kester oil, cod liver oil, orange juice, Epsom salts, milk o magnesia an liver salts. Dae ye know it’s a wunner they iver made it oot thaur shoart troosers ava.
Hooiniver, they sae ye shudnae mock an whut wud A naw gie tae bae baak in tha wee cotter hoose ootside Stranocum wae mae moather rinnin efter me wae a big spoon o tha dreaded kester oil.