Faith

As a young girl growing up, there was no escaping religion for Jenn Bryant.

Her father was a lay preacher and both he and her mother were active members of the Pentecostal Assemblies of God movement.

As such, religion wasn't just something they did on Sundays – it was something that pervaded the entire household.

Her father often read her passages from the Old Testament, bringing the Bible stories to life - so much so that Jenn says the scripture became ingrained in her "like weaving".

Teenage rebellion

But, after growing up in such an evangelical environment, Jenn has struggled to come to terms with what it is that she personally believes ever since.

The problems began in her teens, when she rebelled strongly against what she describes as a fairly "repressed household".

"I did all sorts of things that were completely and wholly unscriptural and anti-Christian and all the rest of it," she admits. "In fact I rebelled in a huge way… But I was totally torn in two. It was almost a bit like I was saying 'Ok then God I'm going to do this just to see what happens and I don't care'."

Jenn "trashed" her exams, ran away from school, left home to go and live with her sister in Oxford, became a hippy, dropped out, and got pregnant. "Nothing too awful by today's standards," as she puts it, but for her parents it was a disaster and it did compromise her chances of going to university at that time.

After this period of teenage rebellion Jenn tried to reconnect with Christianity several times. First she was confirmed in the Church of England and later, after moving back to the north to look after her mother, she became a veritable pillar of parish life and a Sunday school teacher.

But then a crisis in her personal life led to another massive test of her beliefs.

"My husband left and I ended up having an affair with a married man, which to me just felt like it was just beyond the pale – after believing all this to have a relationship with a married man.

"And that was a huge crisis of my faith because I couldn't pretend I didn't really believe or it [her faith] was tokenistic – I knew how serious it was and I deliberately sinned, I suppose.

"I remember talking to the vicar and his wife and saying 'This is a nightmare… my life is in crisis'… And I was absolutely devastated because they just backed off, I was dropped. And that hurt so much…

"I think that had deep wounds for me. But I never associated it with God or Jesus. To me that was human beings and it really put me off the church... the whole organisational bit of it… and I never joined another church again."

In the wilderness

Jenn describes herself as "wandering around in a wilderness" after this, trying out other ways of looking at life for a number of years.

But eventually she emerged out of this difficult time with a much stronger faith and more at ease with what she believes.

In really believing the love of God for her, Jenn says she has been been able to learn to accept forgiveness for herself and others.

Finding the Northumbria Community - a network of Christians across the world - was part of this process. 

"It's a community where you can say what you like… It's completely open – you can come as often or as little as you want and you can get as involved as you want."

Jenn now feels much more confident in admitting her beliefs to her friends – with no apologies and no proselytising.

"My faith now is 100% committed Christian and that's probably happened over the last eight years.

"I feel as if I'm really being myself now, because what I do I do my way, and it feels right."