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31 July 2014
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Bag of bones
Legends from the past and present that should have eaten their greens. Bring on the lard...


no 1The Thin White Duke
David BowieHe's always been a bit of a slim Jim but Bowie excelled at the undernourished look in his 'Thin White Duke' days. Sporting a bright orange hair cut and wearing white makeup didn't really cover up the fact that he looked like one of the living dead. Around the time when 'Golden Years' hit the UK Top 10, he decided to move to LA, possibly hoping that fast food would pile on the pounds. Soon becoming bored he returned back to Blightly. Giving the awaiting crowd a full-on Nazi salute as the plane door opened possibly wasn't the best move though, so he decided to relocate to Berlin where he lived and worked with top producer Brian Eno. So, we can blame America for David's thinness. Yes. One burger and he goes mental.

Nick Caveno 2Nick "I can't eat a thing" Cave

Probably remembered most from his performance with Kylie Minogue in 'Where The Wild Roses Grow', the former heroin addict struggled at singing and songwriting in 1983 when the Birthday Party split. However, forming the Bad Seeds shortly after he soon picked up the knack for making music. He once said: "I used to do all I could to fill myself up with as much input as possible, but these days it seems much easier to predict what will be worth seeing or reading." It's just a shame he didn't take the same attitude with food. Let's face it, if a skeleton jumped on his back he would be the first to say: "get off you fat b*****d"!

no 3Jarvis CockerJarvis "I hate carrots!" Cocker
Last spotted hanging from a lamppost in the BT advert, (it's quite hard to distinguish which one's which), Mr Cocker has always maintained a flimsy figure. Forming Pulp when he was just 15 years old must have been a great strain on the old boy, possibly adapting a nasty habit of skipping the occasional meal or two. Once reflecting on his childhood, he said: "I was a huge fan of Planet of the Apes when I was young and had posters of the characters all over my bedroom walls." It's not surprising that he doesn't have a healthy appetite, monkey men would put us off our tea as well. Of course it's nothing to do with his experimentation of mind expanding drugs... They weren't really posters were they Cocker?

Celine Dionno 4Celery stick Celine Dion
Famous for her No.1 chart topping Titanic hit 'My Heart Will Go On', (which stayed in the UK charts for a pain staking 20 weeks), we suspect that Celine was once nicknamed 'twiglet' at school. She needn't have worried though as she can certainly knock out a note or two. Once admitting: "People always recognise me when I'm singing ballads, but they don't know how much I love to sing upbeat dance songs." Well, well, well. We seem to have stumbled across the secret to her sticky frame. All that disco dancing must burn the calories off in no time.

no 5Whitney HoustonWithering Whitney Houston
Looking like the liposuction has been left on overnight, Whitney has recently been the highlight in the tabloids for admitting that she's been partying a little too hard. She revealed in an interview her seriousness for slimming, saying: "I've always been a thin girl. I'm not going to be fat, ever. Let's get that straight! My business is sex, drugs, rock and roll. I had a bad habit which can be broken." Well, there's her winning formula. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. We now know why the research bill for 'It's Not Right (But It's OK)' was so high. Literally.

  The Gardener's Delight  
  Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your Top 5 grow ....  
  Fatboy Jims & Lardy Ladies  
  The singers who took their sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll with a slice of cake...  
  Britpop Busters  
  Five facts about the legendary Britpoppers...  
  Filmed In Technovision  
  Enter the world of experimental telly according to the Pet Shop Boys
  Punk Pretenders?  
  Perfectly Punked? Nah, at heart they were all a bunch of old softies...  
  Front Bottom!  
  We name and shame the bands named after a lady's privates...
  Bring Your Gran  
  Golden oldies who joined forces with youthful pop people...  
  2003's Demented Predictions  
  TOTP2's bonkers ball-gazer predicts this year's pop ups and downs...  
  The Erasure Story  
  Trip through the history of the UK'S top synth duo...
  Rubbish Xmas Songs  
  What not to play at your Christmas party...  
  Bag Of Bones  
  Legends that should have eaten their greens. Bring out the lard...  
  Banned by the BBC  
  The songs that were just too hot to handle ...  
  Fortune Smiles Upon Them  
  Be they works of genius, accident or stealing, these songs are lucky to be alive.  
  Elton John  
  Drugs, Diana, dirty deeds. It's a wonder that he's still standing...  
  Inxs-ive Lifestyles  
  We examine Australia's biggest export since Fosters...  
  Poodle Rockers  
  Gravity-defying perms and spandex trousers, they're the Poodle Rockers...
  Madness  
  Welcome to the house of factual fun...  
  Status Quo  
  We take a trip down memory lane with the mighty Quo...  
  Pop Activists  
  Top pop people who fight for the rights...  
  Singing Drummers  
  Drummers who got sick of looking at the lead singer's wiggling bum.  
  Rolling Stones  
  Headline-grabbing moments from Britain's lippiest band.  
  David Bowie  
  Follow Dave's top 5 looks through the years - including the mullet action!  
  Hot Chocolate  
  Indulge yourself in the pleasure that is Errol and the gang  
  "Secret" Drug Songs  
  "It was inspired by this crazy picture my son painted." Yeah, right...  
  Abba-nother Go  
  You were going to call it what? 5 working titles from the Super Swedes...  
  In & Out Of Bed With Madonna  
  Collaborations for the Queen of Pop that didn't end at 5.30...  
  Self-Love  
  Songs that gave a whole new meaning to 'Born To Hand Jive'...  
  Slade  
  For those that glam-rocked, we all salute you...  
  Supergrass  
  A trip through the lambchop elite's glory story...  
  '80s Revival Hell  
  Alas, some pop icons just wouldn't let that decade go.  


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