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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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My Parents Are Popstars
It all begins as a seemingly normal day for McFly. They leave McFly Manor and head off for a hard day's rehearsing at their local studio. Harry, Tom and Danny start to unload the van while Dougie heads in to collect the keys, but alas! A mishap leads to part of the drum kit falling on Dougie's head and in his mildly concussed state, he accidentally heads to the adoption agency next door and instead of signing for the studio keys, signs for the adoption of three children of varying ages and personalities. Whoops! Upon discovering that the contract is legal and binding, the boys resolve to raise the kids as best they can, but not without a great deal of subterfuge as no one must know the children are secretly being raised by internationally-famous popstars. Memorable scenes include the one where Harry and Dougie attending parents' evening heavily disguised as Mr and Mrs Normal, and the one where one of Little Johnny's school friends discovers their secret, only to have his memory completely wiped by Tom's science project that he'd been working on for Little Jimmy. Hilarious stuff!
Flower Rangers
Five girls, picked from (relative) obscurity to defend the earth against alien invaders and the forces of evil, while wearing impractical-for-fighting tight lycra jumpsuits. They can defeat monsters who wear odd and ridiculous costumes, and still have time to perform at Wembley Arena afterwards. Sarah Harding is the Blonde Ranger, with the special power of being able to turn enemies to stone with her formidable sultriness. Nicola Roberts is the Auburn Ranger, with the special skill of hiding at the back and hoping the enemies don't realise she's there until she sneaks up behind and judo-chops them to death. Cheryl Tweedy is the Dark Brown Ranger, whose sharp-cornered diamond engagement ring packs a mighty punch. Kimberley Walsh is the Slightly Darker Brown Ranger, who can pout victims into submission from a distance of up to 50 metres. And completing the squad is Blonde Highlights Ranger, aka Nadine Coyle, who pole vaults with her mic stand to land a finely-pointed stiletto in the enemy's face. Ouch!
Will Young's Wish Wellingtons
A charming and polite young boy by the name of William happens upon a pair of bright red wellington boots. His parents give in to his wide-eyed pleas and buy them for him, and on his way home from the shop William happily splashes around in the puddles without any fear of getting his feet wet. It isn't until the very next day that William discovers his boots have magical powers, and that any wishes he makes while wearing them come true! He discovers that sometimes having your wishes come true is more trouble than it's worth - like that unfortunate time he wished for some privacy and ended up stuck in an air pocket on Mars for three weeks. Sometimes, however, the wish wellingtons do come through - after all, do you really think it's coincidence that Will's the only Pop Idol graduate still doing the business...?
Emo Peter
The show is given over to new hosts My Chemical Romance for the day, and their first task is to get the heck rid of that pointlessly jolly theme tune. Those pan pipes and the knee-kicky sailors' hornpipe are shown the door and replaced with a wistful, guitar-driven angst-athon. After all, happiness is so overrated, right? And that colour scene needs a good seeing-to. All those blues? Forget it! Now with the new black and red colour scheme, the show begins to feel a lot more emo. Some of this show's themes need bringing up to date too - the famous Bring and Buy sales are gone, and replaced with Bring and Subvert the Evil Capitalist Agenda-thons. And if you want to win the coveted Emo Peter badge, which grants you free entry into over a thousand leather-wrist cuff shops across the nation, you need to submit an epic poem on the fragile state of humanity and your own miserable life. Get writing, kids!
Mutya The Teenage Witch
A poor, misunderstood girl who's always had something of a reputation as a "Freak!" amongst the popular girls at school, suddenly Mutya Buena's aunts reveal to her that she's actually descended from a long line of witches. At first fearing that her new powers will make her even more of a social outcast, Mutya realises that she can use them to her advantage. She can even use them to make the other girls at school see how it feels to be a freak. A freak like her, in fact. By the time she's turned Heidi into a goat and Keisha into a large piece of cheese, they're far too terrified of her to ever make her life miserable again (although in private they still feel there's something not quite right about her). And in the end, upon taking and passing the exam to get her Witch's Licence, she uses her powers to create a replacement by the name of Amelle, freeing Mutya to go off and spend time with her baby and work on a solo career! Er, we mean "do some solo witch-like stuff". Yeah, that's right.