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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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Journey South
The state of ROCK is achieved by a clever combination of factors. First you need a killer riff. That's the repetitive bit of a ROCK song that is played on an extremely loud guitar. Once your riff is go, you need to tone down any ideas you may have of putting a nice tune on the top that you can whistle. Tunes you can whistle are NOT ROCK. ROCK has to explore inner-pain (sorry, INNER-PAIN), and expose your human frailties to the world, and a whistle is just too damn cheery a sound to really get that across. Finally you need to make sure your parents HATE your particular ROCK noise, because it's too loud, too shouty, and ISN'T REALLY PROPER MUSIC. The 'South's album was released especially FOR Mother's Day. What does that tell you? Eh?
Girls Aloud
Easy there, rocksnobs! If you follow our simple rules, poppy little Girls Aloud actually score higher than indie-faves like Keane or James Blunt. Don't believe me? Look at the evidence. Riff-wise, 'Sound Of The Underground' has blamming surf guitar, 'Long Hot Summer' is riddled with jerky new wave-isms, and 'Biology' even has '60s blues-rock twiddly bits at the beginning. By comparison, James Blunt has no riffs, and Keane don't even have GUITARS. The Aloud do lose ROCK points for making too much of an effort with those catchy tunes, and cos your mum likes to dance around the kitchen when one of their songs is on the radio. But still, not a bad effort...for a bunch of girls.
Son Of Dork
Speaking of a bunch of girls (see what we did there?), here's the post-Busted bunch who dress in their sisters' jeans and who spend more time in the bathroom than a slow plumber with rubber spanners. But do they ROCK? Well, kiiind of. They do have riffs, and loud guitars. And your parents don't really get why you like them, or why that Dave boy wears his guitar up round his tummy instead of below his belt. Trouble is, the band do lose ROCK points for that particular lapse in proper ROCK etiquette, which makes your mum right. And there's no problem whistling any of their tuneful tunes. So, while some respect is due, you can keep your spooky devil hand-sign in your pocket for now...
Fall Out Boy
"DUUUUDE! FALL OUT BOY, LIKE, TOADLY ROCK!"
System Of A Down
Now THIS is a bit more like it! Monolithic riffs, bigger and heavier than nine Stonehenges in a big pile with Kanye West's ego resting on top? CHECK! A total absence of tunes that anyone bar a professional ostrich impersonator could whistle? CHECK! A vocalist whose best tricks include screaming, gabbling and yelling like an angry hen night? CHECK! A look of total horror on your entire family's face whenever the first second of the first song on 'Hypnotize' comes out of your headphones? CHUH-HECK! Tongues out, devil-horn hands in the air, people. THIS IS ROCK, AND IT IS MIGHTY!